Tag: christianity

Time for war

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Time for war

A time for everything and when the season comes be ready because God needs us to be a lover and a fighter and when or if the time comes, you need to stand up for the weak and if you need to come together on the battlefield, then cry havoc and let slip the dogs of war!

In my life, especially my early life, the middle school years were torturous. As I was not only emotionally tormented but physically as well, I often prayed for death. As death never came I kept pushing forward dreaming of far away world, lands where people were created equal, where dreams could come true. A life where love was true and didn’t die at the drop of a hat. I dreamt of a life where happiness and success were mine to have, and yet life it seems would not turn out as the dream once had. As a child I would gaze to the stars and wonder if there were other planets with life similar to our own. I wondered and wished I could get on a ship and travel to far away lands and find a place where I belonged. 13 years later I’m still looking to far away lands and I have yet to find my place in this world.

Through all that pain and agony I experienced as a child it would still not prepare me for the trials I would face as an adult. Many have asked me my thoughts on the Iraq war. While I do believe completely it is likely Sadam had the potential to WMD’s, given the time indicated prior to the initial invasion he would have had the ability to move them away. Regardless of the governments information and it’s meaning for the start of the war, once I arrived in Iraq I found that I wanted to do my part to help the people hurt from Sadam’s regime. He was a bully, and he ruled by fear and intimidation. I don’t like bullies and I have found the desire to help people anyway I can when I know they are in need. I spend a great deal of time and energy checking on my friends that I know struggle, and those I know are in financial hardship I attempt to find ways to help them as well.

Recently I discovered a friend of mine was having issues with her ex husband. Sometimes people are cruel and just want to watch the world burn. Some people pray upon the weak and by physical or emotional means attack them any chance they get. I’ve known a few people who’ve been in abusive relationship. Recently I had the privilege to interview a survivor of both emotional and physical abuse.

Interview with an Abuse Victim

Earlier this year the woman I interviewed was attacked by her boyfriend when he got upset. It turned into a whole ordeal and she was hurt in the attack. After the second time I actually went to rescue her from the situation she found herself in. Now several months behind her I interviewed her to see her thoughts now.

 

  • When did you know about Will’s abuse of other women if you knew at all in regards to the start of your relationship?
    • Knew from before the start of the relationship. He told his side of the story. He was blatantly lying about all of it.

 

  • When did you become suspicious of his abusive behavior?
    • Never physical until the end. Approximately 5-6 months into the relationships.

 

  • How did his behavior change over time towards you?
    • Drinking more as time went on, sweet while drunk but the paranoia picked up as time went on.
  • Did he start to become more possessive
    • Yes he did
    • Drunk when a text came in, he blew up causing the physical altercation. The police were called and things got bad.
    • Physical started lightly.

 

  • Was there anything you did that would set him off more frequently?
    • No telling what would set him off.

 

  • What kinds of things in particular would he do that would be considered abusive in hindsight?
    • Physical
    • Not much in the way of emotional abuse
    • Pit parents against daughter

 

  • What was the mindset after an incident?
    • Shame
    • Anger
    • Panic
    • Realized everything everyone said was actually true.
    • Afraid of the future
    • Tried to shoot him,

 

  • Is there any particular reason you would return or stay with him later in the relationship?
    • He apologized and I let my loneliness get the best of me.
    • Caught at a vulnerable time.
      • Lonely, scared, wanted to work through it.

 

  • In the months following the end how do you feel looking back at the relationship
    • Dumb
    • Knew it was a bad idea the whole time
    • Exhilarating and fun when it started.
  • Advice to others
    • Get out, stop being stupid, don’t give the time of day, you’ve given plenty of reasons to change, and they aren’t going to change. Potential pitfalls of future relations and further abuse.

 

While it’s not always easy for her, her experience changed her life. Once you are in that kind of situation it’s hard to be the same after. God’s blessings are always there even when it doesn’t seem like it. She’s a strong lady and she’s doing better now. She’s one of the strongest ladies I’ve ever known. Her ability to survive and push through is impressive. She truly is a remarkable lady with the strength to survive so much. Just like anyone else we don’t always handle every situation with the grace of a gazelle, but to survive and still stand, still go to work everyday, and remain in this world and not a recluse is truly remarkable. Life hasn’t been easy for her the last 10 years, but she’s making progress and no matter how slow, or fast, forward always.

There are bullies everywhere and if you open your eyes it’s not hard to see. I don’t like bullies and when possible I try to stand toe to toe to them and make sure the people I care for aren’t being hurt. Now I’m not talking about violence, there’s usually a diplomatic way out, but sometimes, the war is brought to us, and we should always be prepared for. The Devil plans and plans and when he’s done planning he executes and when he does, it can be like finding yourself in the middle of a war, everything blowing up and falling apart.

Did I loose something?

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Did I loose something?

They say when you suffer a great loss you loose something. I’ve suffered more then my fair share and I don’t know who I am anymore. As far as a society goes I have seen both the gracious and the kind, but I’ve also see the dark, and the cruel, the careless, and the malice of mankind. It’s no surprise that the dark has been far more overwhelming then the light, and that darkness no matter how much you try to fight it leaves a mark. The scrapping of ones belief about themselves is a fragile balance. When the time comes though to build the franchise over again, how do you do that when you keep rolling snake eyes? When you’re told over and over again you’re nothing, when people abandon you and forsake you, it’s hard not to begin to think negatively. The fact of the matter is though, that’s exactly what the Devil wants. Some days it’s hard to fight back against the lies.

I’ve felt very much like I’ve lost something. I know I’ve lost confidence, and I know I struggle with my own self worth since this year of hell has now come and gone. I have spent the better part of the last year in mostly involuntary solitude. I have spent an exhaustive amount of time and energy trying to meet new people for friends, and to get back into the dating world. While absolutely nothing has worked out for me, I now spend time in reflection as to what has changed to make dating so difficult. I haven’t in the slightest found a solution, but that hasn’t stopped me from trying. What I do know is it’s hard to keep going. When I listen to the song Iris by Goo Goo Dolls, I gravitate to the line, “I don’t want the world to see me cuz I don’t think they’d understand, when everythings made to be broken, I just want you to know who I am.” Sometimes we just can’t reconcile the truth with the facts. “Truth is sometimes things that cannot be explained by logic or reason yet with the heart.” (Jacob Keiffer)

We are told God loves us and we are perfectly made. Regardless of how people treat you, if your heart is pure and full of love for the Lord, we know that the voices that tell us we aren’t worth anything, that we are failures, that we are not loved, and that we mine as well be invisible or dead, are just lies the Devil tells us. You can pretend that the horrible things people do don’t bother you, most times you try to let it go, but that fact is even knowing the truth that doesn’t make us immune from the feelings that are hurt by others actions.

All we can do is wake up and push through the day. While I don’t yet know who I am, or what I’m doing, or where I’m going, the adventure starts with one foot in front of the other. As we move forward we have to remember to keep putting one foot in front of the other, and keep pushing towards the goals you have for yourself. Even if you don’t know where you’re going, you need to just pick up your feet and keep stepping forward. We never know where the river will lead us, and we have to just remember don’t want to get swept away by that rive we need to learn to navigate and do the best we can to keep our ship upright. It’s hard, it hurts, but we are given the tools to do it. Never quit stepping forward. Never stop listening to the voice of truth, and that’s, you are a child of the King. You are perfectly made, and anyone who says otherwise is not with God in their heart. God tells us the truth, and it’s up to us to believe it or not.

Let your word be your bond

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Let your word be your bond

How many of you have been stood up, or canceled on time and again? How many people have told you they would do something you depended on them to do, and they’ve canceled or dropped the ball? So this is a touchy topic for me because it’s been happening to me a lot lately.

From wedding vows, to promises, to making plans, peoples word means next to nothing anymore. I’ve met so many people online that try to scam you, or get you with their friendly talk only to want you to shell out money for them, or catfish who just like hurting peoples feelings. I’ve had ex wives lie to me, and I’ve had best friends who swore they’d never leave, till they do. I’ve watched as this world has fallen to the depravity of lies and deceit and now I find myself in the center of some of the worst times of my life and yet instead of friends flocking to my side to help hold me up, they’ve stepped on the cross to push me deeper into the ground. When it feels like I’m being crushed I know that just like the bat signal in the sky, I cry to the Lord for strength and then to the Devil himself, I exclaim to come and get me because I will stand toe to toe with the Devil every day, and I know that there’s nothing the Devil can do because me and Jesus come together and we can get through any and everything the Devil might try to do.

It doesn’t matter how many friends leave. It doesn’t matter how much my body fails. It doesn’t the matter the muddy water I’m in, I know how the story ends, and it ends with my death, and every ounce of pain, every bit of sorrow being expunged from my life and I will look down at the Devil in hell and smile. I am God’s favored child and I know that the pretender that tries so hard to tempt us will always loose the fight.

People’s inability to live up to their word, and those who lie and consistently let you down, I know that one day, they will need me and I will do the Lord like thing, and I will be there for them. I make a promise I keep it. I have always been there for my friends. I have always made the time to talk, I’ve always gone to great lengths to help them, and for those who’ve taken my kindness for granted and for those who’ve not cared the amount of effort I’ve put it, it doesn’t matter because God knows my heart, and my ability to help others is strong and for the glory of Jesus. When the darkness surrounds me and the thoughts creep in, I know that there’s nothing the Devil can do to take away what I have. The ashes fell like snow around my life as I watched everything I built burn to the ground, but even in those moments, I knew that the reason was beyond my understand and that I had to have faith in the Lord. See the Lords promise is never wavering. The Lords word that we are free from death, and that in this life as a Christian we will face problems, we will face persecution, we will be attacked by the Devil, and those who are the most faithful will have the Devil nipping at their heals the most.

When those around me lie, cheat, steal, and fail to be the friend they’ve promised, I will do the one thing I can, and that’s to look in the mirror, and make the change from within. “I’m startin with the man in the mirror.” (Batman/Jackson) When those around me break me, drag my feelings through the mud, the place to be is on top and doubling my efforts to be there for others. “If you wanna make the world a better place, take a look at yourself and make a change.” (Man in the Mirror)

My message to everyone this holiday season is to stop saying you’re going to do something and don’t. Stop lying about your intensions or what you’re going to do. Just tell the truth, honor your vows, your promises, and if you’re going to be a friend, then be a friend.

Proverbs 11:3 The integrity of the upright guides them, but the crookedness of the treacherous destroys them.

Ecclesiastes 5:2 Don’t make rash promises, and don’t be hasty in bringing matters before God. After all, God is in heaven, and you are here on earth. So let your words be few.

Ecclesiastes 5:4-6 “When you vow a vow to God, do not delay paying it, for he has no pleasure in fools. Pay what you vow. 5 It is better that you should not vow than that you should vow and not pay. 6 Let not your mouth lead you[a] into sin, and do not say before the messenger[b] that it was a mistake.”

Matthew 5:37 “But let your communication be, Yea, yea; Nay, nay: for whatsoever is more than these cometh of evil.”

It’s simple, keeping your word shows you have dignity. When you fail to live up to what you say you’ll do, or break promises, it damages your credibility. As a Christian we are taught that our upright credibility is very important. God wants for us to do the right things, and that starts with what comes out of our mouths.

Icarus

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Icarus

A boy with wax wings who was told to soar above the clouds but warned not to get to close to the sun for the wings would melt and he would fall. We are often a lot like that in our joys of the flesh. We push the limits, push the boundaries for Gods forgiveness and we think our actions never have consequences. The fact is however, we play with fire sooner or later you’re going to get burned.

We sin without repercussions to our own understanding but our sight is but narrow and Gods is wide. Our gaze only sees what we want to see, we only experience within our own understanding, and we don’t understand how deeply our sinful actions hurt our Father.

When we sin without limit, without thought to our sin we are flying like Icarus and if we aren’t careful our sin will cause us to fall. We never know when our time is up and if we choose to live a life without accepting responsibility for our actions we too could face the heat of the sun on our wax wings.

Remember you are granted the power of free will but ‘with great power comes great responsibility.’ (Spider-Man) In that power we must remember that with that responsibility is also a responsibility to oversight. Without the oversight to keep an eye on what we do we may often forget that ‘the bill comes due, always.’ (Dr. Strange)

Fortune Favors the Bold

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Fortune Favors the Bold

We stand before giants and we prepare for battle. We are toe to toe every day with the Devil and we stair down the taunting nature, the temptations, and the blatant attacks from the devil. On the path following Christ there are some distinct signs you’re doing it right. If you don’t have the Devil nipping at your heals, that means you’re not a threat, and he doesn’t need to knock you off your kilter. But for those who are under constant attack you must learn to be bold. Proverbs 28:1 “The wicked flee when no one is pursuing them, but the righteous are as bold as a lion.” When you look in the bible there are several names that stood tall in favor of being bold, and that boldness paid off. Philemon 1:8 “For this reason, although I have great boldness in Christ to command you to do what is right.” Ruth from the book of Ruth stood up to the enemies of her people, fought the fight, and saved thousands from being slaughtered. King David before he was king, stood toe to toe with Goliath and because he was bold and he had God on his side history favored him.

2 Corinthians 3:11-12 “So if the old way, which has been replaced, was glorious, how much more glorious is the new, which remains forever! Since this new way gives us such confidence, we can be very bold. Because of Christ and our faith in him, we can now come boldly and confidently into God’s presence.” No matter what situation we find ourselves we know we can be confident and rest assured that no matter where we may find ourselves, when we follow Christ no matter what we have God on our side. Romans 8:31 “What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?” While this won’t always fix everything, and it might not always make us feel better, we can always find at least some peace knowing we are Gods children.

Hebrews 13:6 “So that we may boldly say, The Lord is my helper, and I will not fear what man shall do unto me.” Following Christ means we can be persecuted for our beliefs. The day may come when to follow Christ means to die for that belief. No matter what man may do to us, we know that we still have Heaven. We still have paradise, and when this world passes away, a new life is waiting for us. A life with no more tears, no more sorrow, no sadness, only joy, and perfection, and that has to give at least some comfort during the storm. So when the devil knocks at your door, when the wolf howls and tries to huff and puff and blow the house down, follow 1 Corinthians 16:13 “Remain alert. Keep standing firm in your faith. Keep on being courageous and strong.” Don’t back down when the Devil attacks, stand your ground. Fortune favors the bold, and it takes a bold stance to stand up to Satan and endure the attacks that come when you are steadfast in your faith.

 

All our Hope

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All our hope

All we can do is drop to our knees and pray, placing all our hope in Jesus. I know I’m not worthy to inherit the Kingdom of Heaven, but God is big and I am small. Some people are cruel, and manipulative. Pray to God for their souls, pray to God for the change that needs to happen.

I’ve been down on my knees a lot lately. I’ve been taken to the emotional woodshed, and all I can say is Thank God yesterday’s gone. Im no stranger to pain, no stranger to heartache and heartbreak, but I’m free and I’m saved in the Blood of Christ. We can be beaten, tortured, we can loose it all on this world, and we can be broken down, we can be so hurt we may not feel like we can breathe anymore, but if you can still draw breath, then the hope in Christ, all our sins are forgiven, our tears will one day be wiped away, and the pain of yesterday will be gone.

There’s nothing anyone can do to take your salvation away. Your heart for Jesus will outlive your pain, the attacks you will face daily. ‘If you can take it you can make it’ unbroken.

A Journey In The Darkness

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A Journey in the darkness

Psalm 91:4 “He shall cover thee with his feathers, and under his wings shalt thou trust: his truth shall be thy shield and buckler.”

The joys of this life can be easily snuffed out in the mists of dark days, of struggles, and of heartbreak. When the days get you down you have to be strong. It’s so easy to fall into darkness and despair. I’ve seen it happen in my own life, and in the lives of many that I know. Despair is a dangerous and sometimes deadly trap. Despair can easily turn into quicksand and drag you down, and must like the Dementors in the famed Harry Potter books, it can suck the happiness right out of your lungs and make you feel like you’ll never be happy again. One thing in my own life I’ve found is how fickle some friends can be. Since my gun shot wound a year ago I’ve found more and more friends are fickle and come around only when they want something, or they are bored and know you’ll be there as a last resort.

While there’s no doubt that this hurts, and I know I can’t be the only person that goes through this, what hurts the most is the exodus that’s occurred. While I realize that bullet changed my life, and while I am responsible, the feeling of loss from the mass abandonment that was left behind is heart breaking. Now over a year later, I’ve had another exodus from obvious different causes, but never the less the pain is the same. This presents a new kind of struggle, and yet again staring at the brink of darkness, and once more unto the breach. The war continues and as there is a great sense of loss, I am left with one undeniable fact, that I am not alone. Though the case may be that while physically and emotionally I am or feel alone, God is always there with me. While this doesn’t take away the desire and drive to meet someone special, or want to make new local friends, it does prevent me from falling into complete and total despair.

I know at the end of the day when I’m feeling down and I’m feeling blue, I know that my future is much brighter then it appears because I know that my Abba is looking out over me. I swore no matter how bad it got I would never stair down the wrong side of that circumstance again, and that I would be an advocate for finding another way. There is always hope as long as we breath, and while I am lonely, while my Christmas wish is to find love, and to not being alone anymore, and to make some good local friends, I know that God is with me and in time, those things will be mine, because it’s what my deepest desire is from my heart. I may not always makes the right choices, but I try to.

If you’re feeling despair this season reach out, find someone. If you’re happy as can be this holiday season, reach out to your friends or family that are having a hard time. Don’t forget this is both the happiest time of year, and often the saddest. Faith is so important, and even when it’s sometimes hard, don’t loose hope, and never give up. Don’t ever forget that you can be protected under Angels wings, and your God, the King of all is powerful enough to handle any situation, every tear, every cut, you aren’t suffering through it alone. God is not just watching, God experiences it all with us. Rest assure you will make it out, and one day you will make it home, a home of pure perfection.

 

 

 

Spirit in the Sky

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Spirit in the Sky

Matthew 12:31-33 “31 And so I tell you, every kind of sin and slander can be forgiven, but blasphemy against the Spirit will not be forgiven.  32 Anyone who speaks a word against the Son of Man will be forgiven, but anyone who speaks against the Holy Spirit will not be forgiven, either in this age or in the age to come.  33 “Make a tree good and its fruit will be good, or make a tree bad and its fruit will be bad, for a tree is recognized by its fruit.”

 Look to the sky and you will see the birds that fly, the clouds so high. You’ll see the stars at night, and the moon so bright. You’ll see the vastness that exists but only a fleck of dust in the cosmos of the vastness of space. Who are we, and what are we doing here? We are a beautiful and unique creation within the vastness of space. We may not be the only life out there and probably aren’t, but that doesn’t mean we are any less special. We are God’s many children and we are loved just the same. We are loved when we are good and even when we aren’t. We’re loved when we sin and when we give endlessly. God loves us no less yesterday as he does tomorrow. Forgiveness is ours and we have it to give back. When we look around us at those who walk besides us, how do we react when someone makes a mistake that affects us? When we are in an accident do we fly off the handles, or are we calm and understanding? No matter what day you find yourself everyone has a story, and we only see a fleeting second of that story. When we look above and we see the vastness of everything around us, are we seeing life in the context in which it should be viewed? We may only be able to affect the world around us on a macro scale, but that doesn’t mean for the small impact we may have, that isn’t equally as important as the next.

We must have respect for the Holy Spirit and allow it to fill you up, guide you, and protect you. How often I have been so close to death, but managed to escape nearly unharmed. It has not gone beyond my comprehension that there’s something more powerful then I behind the scenes pulling strings. I have felt the Holy Spirit, and I have heard it. It’s filled up my heart, and my soul, and I have faith in it. Some days you just need to look to the sky, close your eyes, and feel the breeze and know that you’re being watched over.

If you don’t feel the Spirit around you, you’re just not paying attention. It’s everywhere, in everything, and life all around you touched by the hand of God. Don’t let the world blind you from the truth. Don’t let life get so busy you can’t see the beauty in front of you.

 

Back To Life

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Back to life

The return to my normal life came back like a kick in the face. Less then 24 hours after my return I find myself right back in the war. My first appointment was supposed to be easy and straight forward and yet the VA’s propensity for failure is never without a small sense of irony.

While the appointment wasn’t a total loss, it was a quick reminder I’m no longer in paradise and I needed to be ready to pick up arms again and be ready for the impending fight.

When you return from a vacation, or in my case an intense clinic of physical and psychological exorcises designed to push, motivate, and rejuvenate your soul, it’s a challenge returning to life and watching as the difficulty continues.

It’s important to stay focused and realize that just because there are hiccups in the road doesn’t mean all is lost. I’m finding myself in a struggle to manage the emotional roller coaster, but as far as frustrations go, breaking out in chronic hives is high on my list. Breathing and trying to recall the serenity prayer is a big step for me to remaining focused on the big picture.

Returning Home

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Returning Home

After a week in paradise it’s time to make the long flight home. After the time here on this beautiful and majestic island I find myself slightly torn. While there are aspects of my life back home I miss dearly, the time here in this beautiful place has rekindled a fire within me, and I know feel the urge to drastically change my circumstances to promote a better, more healthy lifestyle for myself. The point of the clinic was to open your eyes to new possibilities, teach yourself to interact with others again, and to push yourself to new boundaries. There are things I never thought I’d actually do, and even more then I ever thought I could do.

We can be amazed at the possibilities when we are actually pushed to go beyond our comfort zone, work as a team and find some kind of accepted level of accomplishment when it’s greater then the sum of what we gave ourselves credit for. The chance of a lifetime can sometimes only come up a small number of times, and it’s important for us to catch it before it’s gone.

When you’re riding into the waves it feels like you aren’t getting anywhere. You can paddle and paddle, but feeling the strain and the fatigue that comes with the effort put in, do you feel you have gained in equal amounts? When you go surfing you paddle to get yourself in a good position, the work you put in to get out to your spot may not give you instant gratification. Sometimes in surfing you wade in the water for a little while. But when the wave comes and you begin to paddle with the wave, and you can pop up, and ride it, standing up on the water, seeing, and feeling the fruits of the labor you’ve put in, that’s what surfing’s all about. Isn’t life the same way? We are a nation of microwave oven, fast food, right here right now, instant gratification, loving people. We no longer wait for the work to take hold, we expect it right here right now, and our way. You may not catch every single wave, and when you learn to read them, you learn that a particular wave may not be for you. That doesn’t mean you aren’t in the right place though. We need to learn to be patient with our efforts, and know that eventually the right way will come along, and God will give you the tools to be able to ride that wave when the time is right.

I think one of the biggest things we do is get ourselves into a comfortable routine, and we no longer stay in motion like we should. It’s easy to fall to the wayside of life and flounder, not really going anywhere. We can’t always maintain a particular pace, but we at least need to doing something. Even then sometimes being patient and scouting the waves, allowing ones self to watch for the right opportunity, that to can be an advantage, as long as we don’t stay in that holding pattern forever.

Trust in the Lord and you will be taken care of. Some waves are bigger, some are smaller, some will let you down, and some with thrash you all around, but no matter which wave you’re on, use your situation to glorify the Father, and never stop seeking your next wave.