During troubled times loss is always possible. An interview with a pastor who’s experienced his own loss.
Tag: christian
Hope In The Covid Storm
The darkness is not powerful enough to withstand the light. The night lingers on, the shadows dance and cause a fright. The boogeyman hides behind every corner. The trees dance causes you to quiver and shake. The wolves howl at the moon. The nights wind chills to the bone.
The sky turns a deep crimson as the sun cracks the horizon. The ghosts and goblins made up by our own imagination recoils into the recesses of our minds. The light uncovers the truth, revealing the secrets the darkness tried to keep. The hopeless found in the night shattered by the light.
The failures that replay in our heads, a glimpse of the past, reminders of Satans chains not that bind us, but that Christ broke for us. The darkness is no more, only in our minds. The light shines and makes us free. The heart aches and hard knocks come yet go, with Christ a brighter future exists you’ll see.
Covid brings fear, brings panic, with no TP to find. We wear masks and stay at home. We see each other through our mobile phones. We see everything going wrong. With no sports, or shows. With no trips, or concerts. With no church, or events. We find ourselves deep in our imagination of darkness, but the light shines.
The future we had has slowly faded away. The storm came and covered the globe. The war against a virus. Something so small we could not see what was lurking round every corner. But in this storm we see hope. In this storm we come together to protect and serve. In the eye of the storm, we know Jesus, our Lord and Savior is in control. Jesus love surrounds us and shines our way home, guarding our souls. Let Jesus shine through you for others to find their way out of the darkness. Be the little Christ we are called to be. You’re not alone in the Storm. We have hope because Jesus is the chain breaker, the way maker, the healer, the miracle worker, and in him we must put our faith and under the wings of eagles we must rest.
By Jacob K.
Again, I Hide
Again, I Hide
I hide behind my computer again. The waters tested, but back into the boat again. I stepped out upon the waves, and faced my fears of falling beneath the Icey depths. I walked for a while out of that boat, but the crack of the sky, made me feel I might die. I began to sank and back into the boat I went. Safe inside the boat.
In my mind I tested the waters, I started to fly beyond the keyboard, beyond the chair. So long I stayed in my comfort afraid of rejection, afraid of what might come. For so long, I was worried I’d get it wrong, or I wouldn’t understand. For so, so long, I worried about me, a nobody, telling the world about Jesus. I felt like Gideon, a nobody, a small, weak, nobody from my tribe. But when I found a way, the who I was, and the direction and the how, the storm brewed, and back to the keyboard I crawled.
I took a chance, and decisions considered, and choices made, I found myself a flame doused by a hose. The light and fire had gone out. As I sit here questioning my future, I find myself recoiling away from the world. I find myself in solitude to pray and have some alone time with the father. I wonder at times if it were all just a test. IF the storm was created to see how I’d respond. I wonder if perhaps I should have stuck to my belief, and held my ground.
I have put a lot of thought into What Would Jesus Do? What did Jesus feel? In John 6:66, when disciples followed him no more, did Jesus’s heart ache for them? When Jesus confronted the Pharisees over and over, knowing they didn’t like him, knowing they didn’t believe him, did the human side hurt? Was the feelings of the human side ever hurt? Did it hurt Jesus’s feelings when his own brothers refused to follow him? Did it hurt his feelings when his own town refused to follow him, or support him? We often think of Jesus as God but he was also a man. Jesus had feelings and being perfect living in a world of imperfection, would this cause Jesus to suffer emotional pain? We know Jesus must have had a sense of humor because we have one. And in the water to wine chapter, we see Jesus likely picking on his mother a little. (personal opinion) We see him weeping for Lazarus. I’m sure when Joseph died, he wept for his earthy father.
Growing up I faced all kinds of bullies, and I was told a lot that I wasn’t good enough, that I wasn’t smart enough, or big enough, or fast enough. Most of my life I was told, and have faced opposition being held down, held back, and never being allowed to fly to see my own potential. Facing my own fears and stepping out there, knowing what was coming, or at the least the potential for it, left me grossly unprepared. Taking a right cross, across the face or more appropriately to the heart, left me trying to find solid ground.
Jesus is my rock, my fortress. Jesus is my protection against the attacks of the Devil. Satan recoils at the name of Satan, and my heart is a sanctuary for the Lord to reside. I pray to God, and in the name of Jesus I hope for tomorrow. I seek comfort in the arms of my father to dry my tears, dust me off, and ready my hands for battle. I trust the Lord to show me the way, a light house that cuts through the dense fog of emotions and doubt. I know that Jesus lift me up when I fall into the water, and I know he will heal my heart, and give me eyes to see. I know Jesus has made me different, and unique, the potter molding me in the clay to be special, and to do a job made for me. I am a tool ready to be used, willing to be put out there, and guided to whatever ministry planned for me. I will follow my heart, and follow my path. I will not be held back, and I will not ignore what I feel is right. I will fight the good fight, and continue to run my race. I will be patient and as an arrow held on the rest, I shall wait till the time is right, the string is tight, the wind is calm, and I will hold fast till the archer my Lord Jesus Christ is ready to fire me toward my target. I will not stand by, I will not stay hidden, I shall not hide behind this keyboard and when the time is right, I will come again. My fire will reignite, and I will tend to the fire, and grow it, and dry the metaphorical waters that doused my flame.
In the name of Jesus Christ the only Son of the Father, I shall be held back, or bullied into a corner. Be a peacock and fly.
Christian Today
Christian Today
Being Christian doesn’t mean living a perfect life. Being Christian doesn’t mean never making bad choices. Being Christian doesn’t mean you won’t ever hurt someone, or even yourself. Being Christian doesn’t mean you have the right to judge someone else for their failings. In fact being Christian is living life walking with Jesus. It isn’t about a book of rules, or even a book of judgmental prudes, but merely a book of how our Heavenly wants us to live, for He knows what’s best for us. Living a life of scripture is to share that love with others. Pointing out someone’s sins or mistakes isn’t passing judgment, it would be a kin to telling a friend they are making bad choices. Scripture does however state in doing this, do so with kindness.
Being Christian is about having a relationship with the Father. Being Christian means taking care of the poor; taking care of the homeless; taking care of widows; taking care of orphans, and each other. This is not a take from the rich and give to the poor, this is your heart in Christ should desire to help those in need. Living in Christ is to serve. Are you?
There are so many people who have negative views of Christians. Are we doing our best to share love? Are we living out our faith? We as Christians will never be judged more than those skeptics who watch us from afar. Christian, stay away from foolish arguments. Live in peace as much as you can with all people. Do your best to share Jesus and what being Christian really means. Remember that your mission field is just outside your door. Love all, Serve all. Don’t give up on the world around you. Don’t loose hope. We are ambassadors in this land, sent by Christ to share to the world of something more beautiful, more special, more eternal than anyone has ever known.
Christian, keep your eyes on Christ and don’t fret the day away. You can gain not one moment of your life by worrying. Fear not the news of the day, nor the season of the year, but know Jesus is still on the throne. Stand for Jesus, and never give up ground to the world. Hold fast to your faith. The tomb was then and will always be empty.
I’m sorry, I’m not Sorry
I’m sorry, I’m not Sorry
(Avengers Endgame Spoilers)
Tony Stark looks over at Dr. Strange, who lifts a finger, telling Tony there’s only one way. Tony then realizes the one way is for him to be the one, to sacrifice himself for the good of the team, and of the universe. There was only one path that would ensure victory over Thanos and his army, and it was Tony.
How fitting an end for the 11 years of cinema, but what can we take away from this cinematic wonder, but a lesson for all of us to understand the journey of Jesus Christ. Scripture tells us that while many will attempt to achieve Heaven the journey will not end well for many. Not to say the journey is easy, but the way is simple. Jesus tells us in John 14:6NKJV “Jesus said to him, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me.” This seems like a very simple message. It is, but sadly it is also foretold that while this is the one way, the truth, many will not accept Christ and well… Many will parish into the burning pits of sulfur known as Hell. Matthew 7:22 NKJV “Many will say to Me in that day, ‘Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in Your name, cast out demons in Your name, and done many wonders in Your name?’ There is a difference knowing Jesus in an academic sense, and knowing Jesus in your heart.
Today there’s a phenomenon going on worldwide known as the Fluid Truth, or to each his own. When it comes to Heaven this is a whole lie. There is not half-truths, or partial truths referring to Heaven. This is a lie Satan has used to spread and divide man from the Father. Sadly, mankind has bought into this lie hook line and sinker. The idea now that everyone has the right to believe what they way, is fundamentally accurate, you do have the right to believe whatever you want, but that doesn’t mean what everyone believes is true, or even factual. One of the great things about being an American prior to the last decade is that Americans were free to worship and follow whatever religion they so choose too. While I firmly believe in a free society, one to choose their own path, it can easily be said and proven that there has been a growing movement to silence the voice of Christians in this country. That’s not an inflammatory statement, it’s true, and can be seen in the way the government runs, the attacks upon the church, and it’s people, and while Christianity is not yet considered “hate speech” it does look like this country is headed in that direction.
There have been many in high places that would like to silence Christian speech, and silence scripture all together. Many people as Billy Graham once said are offended by the cross. He also says the cross is a confrontation we all must face. Billy Graham’s Final Message (https://youtu.be/b4TMuee7Ir8)
We deserve so much more than the life we have. We deserve death, as the cross demands a new lifestyle in all of us. We know that spiritual warfare is a lifelong journey. We know that spiritual warfare is a journey we must all face. We know the word is a two-edged sword. The scripture is a weapon against Satan. Do not compromise on the word. The word is in its entirety truth. Faith in scripture gives instruction on how to repent. The Lord wields a two edged sword a double edged sword. This strikes against even the 1% of lies. Strike down the lies, drop the hammer on falsehoods, and strike them down.
Revelation 2:16 “Repent therefore! Otherwise, I will soon come to you and will fight against them with the sword of my mouth.” The word of the Lord is a sword to strike down the forces of evil that surrounds us every day.
The word of God is infallible, it can be proven by legitimate time and study. History itself has proof that Christ lived, died, and was buried, and rose again. For those who question this, you can watch Lee Strobel a once proclaimed Atheist who researched and instead of disproving Christ, proved Christ. https://youtu.be/67uj2qvQi_k
Stand on the truth of the word of the Lord. Scripture says John 1:1 NKJV “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.” Jesus Christ is the word, and we must believe that the word is truth, not one of many, but the one and only truth. We must first believe, and then we shall receive.
John 1:12 NKJV “But as many as received Him, to them He gave the [a]right to become children of God, to those who believe in His name:”
We are given what we need in this life, and with truth we can defend, truth we can count on, truth we can trust, Jesus is our savior, Jesus is the one and only way to the Father in Heaven. Jesus answers our prayers, and Jesus saves us and delivers us from evil. Satan falls at the word of the Lord, and we have the Sword of the Lord.
Do not compromise, and do not kneel before the world. Kneel before Christ only. Do not compromise the word to appease the world. Do not stand with the fallen world, and never give an inch to the world. Stand tall, stand firm, and remember to always stand with love. Scripture tells us how to share scripture, how to share the love of Christ, and that’s in love, and peace. Share God by living in God. Share Jesus by looking like Jesus in your day. Seek God and you shall find, you shall receive. Have a relationship with God, for religion is what you can do to receive, Christian is not a religion, but a relationship. We can do nothing for our Lord, but instead everything was done for us. You are adopted into the family of Heaven, and for all your questions, all your wonder, we know Jesus lived, and we know Jesus Died, and we know that in proof, Jesus rose from the dead in fulfillment of the scripture that foretold his coming. Never give up on yourself, and never turn your back on God, for he will never leave, nor forsake you. Hold firm the sword of truth, and you shall be strong, and Jesus we know is committed to you through a covenant of blood, that no one, and nothing can ever break.
The Pull Of The Dark Side
The Pull Of The Dark Side
It’s easy to get swept up in the every day minutia of this world. The world wants to separate you from God. The world is ruled by the once most beautiful of all of the angels who betrayed God, and orchestrated a rebellion and attempted to overthrow the heavenly kingdom. It’s shocking how fast the doubt, the uncertainty, and the worry creeps into your life when you’re not being careful. Even when you are feeling alone, like you’re the only person on the planet, know that you are sitting on a well of vast untapped love and grace from a father who adores you above all else. You are perfectly and wonderfully made for a purpose.
I have often given people chance after chance after chance in my life, giving people opportunities to repent, to forgive, and even chances to come back into my life knowing what the eventual outcome would most likely be. I wonder why I fail to give myself those same chances. Why have I not seen my own worth or my own value, as I have seen in other’s. Why have I not seen the goodness within myself to forgive myself, or to be patient with myself when I have often gifted those things to others? The truth is while I spent time looking for earthly comforts, people to be in my life, people to talk too, to fill a chasm, it spreads because the world cannot fulfill that gap inside. The world’s promises are empty and cannot fulfill what feels like it’s missing. For the only fulfillment of one’s soul is found in Jesus Christ, who gives help to the helpless, faith for those who are faithless, and the joy for those who live in despair. This is the way for those who are wayward. For those who are lost in the wilderness unable to navigate the worlds treacherous environment there is hope, there is a savior who is come to free us from bondage, to show us the way, to lead us out of the wilderness and to the land of Sweet honey. The way is Christ, the only way the truth and the life.
Problems come up in our lives, disagreements, differences of opinions, etc. In recent years I have felt both connected and disconnected at the same time. The struggle to find the balance between truth, and feelings has been difficult. I have been thinking about that balance and considering the balance in the Jedi. Most Jedi see balance as removing what is toxic of the force, thus bringing balance to the light. Some people believe that balance of the force is more gray rather then black and white. Gray Jedi bits of both light and dark sides of the force. But how does that relate to us in the real world. I think balance is finding the peace within. As Sirius Black says “The world isn’t split into good people and Death Eaters. We’ve all got both light and dark inside us.” (Harry Potter, Order of The Phoenix) We as Christians must realize that while everyone has an opinion based on point of view, the fight of good and evil, or rather God and the Worldview, is something we must all take very seriously. Of course there are hills to die on, and hills not too, but I urge Christians to check themselves. When or if engaged in an opinion-based conversation, be sure to check that opinion and ensure it lines up with scriptural teachings. The Bible is not a book where you can pick out what you like, and toss aside what you don’t. Now, this does not give you the right to start throwing judgments around at people. Sin is rampant in this life, and surrounds each and every one of us. As Christ said, “For the one who has not sinned, throw the first stone.” We will see sin all around us, but as I have said before, just because something is true, doesn’t mean it’s helpful. Now, that being said, people will follow whatever form of logic they want, even those who know scripture may choose to ignore it to suit their own personal opinions.
So here’s my advice, don’t engage in those who ignore truth. And reverting back to my original point, find truth in the infallible word of God. Sin is what leads us to doubt ourselves. Sin is what leads us to question our worth. Sin is what leads us to find comfort in all the wrong places. Sin, is by definition anything that is self-serving that separates us from God. We must learn to find the balance within, which is often attacked from outside sources. Temptations from Satan, attacks from others, forgotten by friends, abandoned by loved ones, they will all come and go at some point in your life. Where are we in our walk to learn how to handle and manage these types of things? Where am I? I don’t really know where I am. I’m a broken, sinful mess, but I’m a work in progress. As scripture teaches us, God uses broken things.
Even in our brokenness, God uses those willing to serve. Are we able to look past ourselves and see who we are meant to be? How do we make choices in our life? I am quick to give others grace, but not myself. How do we deal with difficult people? How do we deal with the doubt within ourselves? Scripture gives us guidance and instructions for life, but do we read and study it? Are we truly knowledgeable about Gods word and teaching? We can be such an opinionated people, but truth is, the only opinions that matter are those of our Lord and Savior Christ with the Father. There will always be hot button topics, and while some are up for debate, some in scripture are not. Faith in the Word gives us guidance and comfort and we desperately need that.
I find myself viewing the world different then I used too. People aren’t always easy to get along with, and if I’m honest, I have found myself less patient, more irritable, and it seems clouded are my thoughts. Am I afraid of the future? Am I afraid of my path? I think perhaps I have become afraid to fail, and I have looked down at myself as a failure. The pull of the dark side is strong and it takes a considerable amount of effort to maintain a steady path. While I am not sure what tomorrow will bring, I have to consider and maintain that life isn’t always as clear-cut and black and white as it used to be. Life can be complicated, but in that complication rests the assurance that no matter where we go, or what we encounter God is with us. It isn’t easy separating ourselves from the world. It isn’t easy looking at ourselves through a different lens then that of the world view. The world teaches young girls how they should look and dress. The world teaches young boys about gangster lives, and how to treat a woman. Mothers raise children alone. The world teaches young girls about their self worth, but the same goes for young boys struggling to find their value.
Our value can be found in Christ, but there are a lot of pitfalls in this world. There are a lot of things pulling attention and those competitors can be a strong pull to the dark side. The influences that come from this world can and often do cloud our Christian view and if we aren’t careful we can fall into a pit of false doctrine, secular ideas, and we can loose ourselves in the world, and fall away from the light.
We are all valuable to our Lord, and will never find fulfillment in this world apart from Christ. We have to remain vigilant in our studies with the gift the Lord gave us. I sometimes need to be reminded that the world does not dictate who I am. The people in my life who come and go do not account for my value. Peoples opinions do not always line up with scripture, but no matter what side of the fence you are on, we are all sinners. Sin while a wide scope can be tricky to handle. Worldviews can be dug in to a persons psyche and their personality. Life is not easy and life is certainly not simple. Delicate is the path of the light side. We do not want to push people away, but also don’t want people to be led astray by the world. We ourselves do not want to be led off course by a secular worldview. Have faith in the Holy Spirit to guide you. Let it flow through you, around you and fill you up. The Holy Spirit is all around us and will guide us if we allow it too. Trust in it, and stay away from the lure of societies worldviews.
A Year Looking Back 2019
A Year Looking Back 2019
Well, the year is over. It’s been a long road, and with some tears, with some laughs, and everything in between, life has continued to move forward as one would expect. When I started back to school I wasn’t sure I’d be able to finish, but here I am, a year later, and finished as strong as I could. Relationships have come and gone, and some have grown stronger, and others, not so much.
I can’t say this year has been overly eventful. I think if anything, the biggest thing is my graduating from school, and I’m back to teaching. I think as far as change, those are the most prominent.
I want to share some notes, just a couple things I have been thinking about. Instead of writing out an entire new post, I would share the lesson notes from this recent Sunday.
New Years Lesson
- We all look back over the year and wish we could take back things that happened. We wish we could have more of what we want, but mostly we look to the the new year with hope and optimism, and of course the dreaded new years resolutions.
- Who Are you now, verses who are you a year ago?
- If you want to be a new you, you have to make those changes.
- Matthew 6:22-23 “The lamp of the body is the eye. If therefore your eye is good, your whole body will be full of light. 23 But if your eye is bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If therefore the light that is in you is darkness, how great is that darkness!
- We must be cautious with what we spend out time with. What we view, watch, listen too, and even the company we keep may alter our own behavior.
Matthew 6:25-34 “Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? 27 Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature?
28 “So why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; 29 and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. 30 Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?
31 “Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. 33 But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.
- The Lord will be with you this year. Every January first is a new year, a fresh start. Ask for forgiveness,
Psalm 25:18 “Look on my affliction and my pain, And forgive all my sins.”
Psalm 32:5 I acknowledged my sin to You,
And my iniquity I have not hidden.
I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the Lord,”
And You forgave the iniquity of my sin. Selah
- It’s the perfect time to repent of the years sins, and prepare your soul for the next year.
- Where your yes rest is where your heart will be.
Matthew 6:19-21 “19 “Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal; 20 but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. 21 For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.
- We spend so much time worrying about what’s next, worrying about life.
Luke 6:22-23 : 22 Blessed are you when men hate you,
And when they exclude you,
And revile you, and cast out your name as evil,
For the Son of Man’s sake.
23 Rejoice in that day and leap for joy!
For indeed your reward is great in heaven,
For in like manner their fathers did to the prophets.
- IF you’re going to make a resolution, make one to trust God. If you’re going to make a resolution be resolute in your faith. Be resolute in your ability to stand tall with God behind you. Be resolute to protect your mind, your soul from the world. Be resolute to let go of yesterday. Lay down that rock and leave it at the foot of the cross. Do not carry burdens that are not meant you to carry. Let God have them, all your worries, your burdens, your hurt. Start off this new year fresh.
The Journeyman
The Journeyman
I don’t know exactly where I am, or where I am going. As I have been reflecting on my life, I find myself stumbling. The road has been long, and now that the high of graduating is wearing off, the holidays are here, and I guess you could say I have the holiday blues. Do we trust ourselves? Do we trust how we feel? Is what we feel the truth, or is it a momentary stumbling block?
I think Christianity is a journey and on that journey someone discovers many truths. I’m not referring to the truth of Christ being the one and only way to the Father, but rather the truths that stream from the ebb and flow of who we are. Our selves are determined by the cells and genes that make up the physical aspects, but the environment shapes our minds. On this journey I have fallen down, and as of late, the depressive struggle has been very real for me. The days have come and gone since the many years ago I started down this road. In all reality I have looked to the world for answers, I have looked to scripture for answers, and still I find myself seeking something, and I don’t recognize myself in the mirror. There’s something to be said for not knowing who you are. When you don’t know who you are that means you can be molded. So many years ago I looked into the mirror and I didn’t know who I was. Many years ago I wrote a paper and I recalled writing this “You’re not worth anything. Why do you even get up in the morning?” (Fateful Night). I truly believed I wasn’t worth anything, and in all this time I have wondered who am I? I am the clay and Jesus is the potter. If Jesus is that interested in me, then I must be someone. Jesus has the whole universe at his disposal and billions of people, trillions of lifeforms, and out of all of that, Jesus loves and is still working on me. Head knowledge and heart knowledge don’t always talk to one another in the most reasonable of ways.
There’s so much in life that is complicated, and yet, simple at the same time. I’ve been looking for my place in the world since my wife left me three years ago. I’ve been trying to figure out what it was God was calling me to do. Over the years I’ve had my ups and downs, but I know that God is working with me. Is my place to help others? IS my place to preach the good word to others? Is my place to help others find their path? Is my place being a photographer, a writer, both? Is my place counseling other people?
If you’ve wondered where your place is in this world, have no fear, Jesus is near.
Proverbs 3:5-6 NKJV “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; 6 In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall [a]direct your paths.”
While I have no idea where God is leading me I know that the Lord will direct my path. Sometimes the path is long, because it takes time to make our courage strong. (hard love)
Psalm 37:23-24 “The steps of a good man are [a]ordered by the Lord,
And He delights in his way. 24 Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down;
For the Lord upholds him with His hand.”
Just because we don’t know the destination doesn’t mean we need to know right now. Just because we might seem lost, doesn’t mean we have anything to fear. We should not fear the destination, or the journey. Scripture teaches us that we are not given a spirit of fear, but one of hope and courage.
Isaiah 41:10 NKJV “Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.”
2 Timothy 1:7 (NKJV) 7 “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.”
In this journey we will face trials, we face hardships, and sometimes we face a measure of uncertainty, but in every day, we know that we have a place to send our fearful thoughts.
Psalm 56:3 (NKJV) 3 “Whenever I am afraid, I will trust in You.”
Who am I? I’m a child of the King, I am wonderfully made and I know that in my times of fear, I know where I can put it. It’s okay to not know where we are headed, but we should not be afraid of the journey. This is a long journey, one with many ups and downs, and even when the storms come, shelter under the wings of the Angels.
Who am I supposed to be, and what am I supposed to do? I think perhaps I am a hiker, and instead of worrying about the destination, I spend some time to take a look around where I’m at and enjoy the scenery right here where I am. What about you? Where are you, where are you going, and who do you want to be? Enjoy the adventure of life, and try not to stress over the things we can’t control, which is just about everything. Control what you can, let go of the rest, and enjoy the ride.
WHO AM I?
Who Am I?
In retrospect I have often called myself something specific. I called myself a soldier, a Cavalry Scout, a husband, a security officer, a chaplain, but as one by one those things have faded away I have found myself asking ‘who am I’? In retrospect I spent years defining myself since I left the military as one thing or another. As each position has faded into memory I have consistently found myself trying to reinvent myself over and over again. So, who am I now, truthfully I don’t really know. As tonight was my last night as a student seeking his undergraduate degree, it’s met with a bitter sweet night.
While celebrating I reached out to someone, I thought would have been happy for me. I reached out to someone that, though there had been troubled times, I felt they would have been more enthusiastic and happy for me. I couldn’t have been further from the truth. In fact instead of congratulating me I was met with hostility, and hurtful words. I know I shouldn’t listen, but a part of me thinks I deserved it. So, what am I?
Today, I see myself as a failed soldier, a failed husband, a failed chaplain, a failed security officer, and through all those failures I don’t know what I am today, except for broken. For years I knew there was something wrong, that something had gone awry. As I sit here listening to Christmas music, Silent Night by Lindsey Stirling I am reminded that Jesus the Son of God, born 2000 years ago came for the sinners, the saints, the wealthy, the poor, the healthy, and the dying. I realize that Jesus came for me. I am not a perfect man, and when I’ve made mistakes, I’ve tried to fix them. I have never intended to hurt someone, and I’ve never done so out of spite. Sadly, I have to admit I have been on the receiving end.
Going forward I don’t know where I’m going, or what I’m going to do. I don’t know where my path is, or what God has planned for me. A part of me wonders if what was said tonight is true, and if it is, I wonder if I should consider where that may take me. Christmas is coming and with it the new year. Can I wipe away all the wrongs this year and start fresh in 2020? I believe that with God nothing is impossible. I believe that God can break through the hardened of hearts. I believe that God can heal the brokenness of peoples hearts. I believe that God values someone who wants to redeem themselves. I believe that I am worth being redeemed. I believe I am valued if not by the person from earlier, then by Jesus. I believe there are people who value me. I believe there are people who love me and want me to succeed in this life. Who, am I? I don’t know, but I know I am a child of the King. Who am I? I’m royalty adopted by the blood of Christ to inherit an eternal Kingdom. I may not know my purpose in this life right now, and while my heart feels like it’s broken, and my feelings have been hurt, I trust in the healing power of Jesus. Who am I? I’m a broken man in need of fixing. I’m someone who has lived and survived through so much. I am a survivor and will continue to do so. I’m someone who’s experienced much hardships, much trauma and so much loss, but I am not a victim, I’m a survivor. I cannot loose faith in that love that Jesus gives to me. I may not know where I’m going but Jesus does. If I am to survive this, I need to trust Jesus and trust that he will take care of my tomorrow, my today, and he will guide me. No matter where I find myself “Psalm 23”, the river, the meadow, or the valley, I am protected by the Holy Spirt. I am loved and that’s who I am.
Three Years After
Three Years After
It’s been there years since I suffered a near fatal gunshot wound. Every day I’m reminded of the wound by either pain in my shoulder, or a scar that itches. No matter the time that goes by, I am truly blessed every day that the Lord of all spared me and changed my life. Jesus Christ has shaped my life and even when my day is hard, or emotional, I know that Jesus is still in control over the storm.
Three years later I went from a breaking man, to a man still as sinful, but now I see how much more I need Jesus. I tried for so long to do it myself, even though I was a believer, even though I had accepted Christ, the difference was I still felt I could manage my life my way. I found out the hard way how wrong I truly was.
The difference now is how I live my life. While I still have days that I struggle, I find peace knowing that even in the worst of days, I’m not alone. Since the worst day I’ve experienced, I have come a long way on my road. I’m about to finish up my degree. I have met a wonderful lady who is completely supportive of me. I have begun teaching more at church. I have even sung a song at church, taking myself way out of my comfort zone. I am still working on myself daily, and hopefully each day I am a little closer to paradise.
Sadly some things cannot change all for the positive. I have lost friends and I have watched people push me away while I was just trying to help. It’s sad to watch these things happen, but the ebb and flow of life is such. Sometimes you win some and sometimes you lose some.
Matthew 11:28-30 (NKJV) 28 “Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 29 Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am [a]gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”
I have found myself struggling to keep moving forward. I find myself feeling sluggish in the morning. I have no desire to do much of anything through my day. I am not sure if I’m working through depression, laziness, or something else.
Isaiah 40:31 (NKJV)31 “But those who wait on the Lord Shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, They shall run and not be weary,
They shall walk and not faint.”
No matter how hard it’s been lately, I realize that I need to hold the sword of truth. I need to maintain my Armor of God, and keep raising my sword with the strength God gives me. God has blessed me and has continued to do so. I am blessed with an amazing best friend. I am blessed with an amazing woman, Argie in my life. I am blessed with a mother who tries incredibly hard. I am blessed to have my amazing dogs Riley and Cooper. I am blessed that my needs are provided for. I hold the master sword of truth in my hands. Gods word is the infallible truth.
The Arrow Preacher 