A Year Looking Back 2019

A Year Looking Back 2019

Well, the year is over. It’s been a long road, and with some tears, with some laughs, and everything in between, life has continued to move forward as one would expect. When I started back to school I wasn’t sure I’d be able to finish, but here I am, a year later, and finished as strong as I could. Relationships have come and gone, and some have grown stronger, and others, not so much. 

I can’t say this year has been overly eventful. I think if anything, the biggest thing is my graduating from school, and I’m back to teaching. I think as far as change, those are the most prominent. 

I want to share some notes, just a couple things I have been thinking about. Instead of writing out an entire new post, I would share the lesson notes from this recent Sunday. 

New Years Lesson 

  • We all look back over the year and wish we could take back things that happened. We wish we could have more of what we want, but mostly we look to the the new year with hope and optimism, and of course the dreaded new years resolutions.
  • Who Are you now, verses who are you a year ago? 
  • If you want to be a new you, you have to make those changes. 
  • Matthew 6:22-23 “The lamp of the body is the eye. If therefore your eye is good, your whole body will be full of light. 23 But if your eye is bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If therefore the light that is in you is darkness, how great is that darkness!
  • We must be cautious with what we spend out time with. What we view, watch, listen too, and even the company we keep may alter our own behavior. 

Matthew 6:25-34 “Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? 27 Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature?

28 “So why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; 29 and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. 30 Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?

31 “Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. 33 But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

  • The Lord will be with you this year. Every January first is a new year, a fresh start. Ask for forgiveness, 

Psalm 25:18 “Look on my affliction and my pain, And forgive all my sins.”

Psalm 32:5 I acknowledged my sin to You,
And my iniquity I have not hidden.
I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the Lord,”
And You forgave the iniquity of my sin. Selah

  • It’s the perfect time to repent of the years sins, and prepare your soul for the next year. 
  • Where your yes rest is where your heart will be.

Matthew 6:19-21 “19 “Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal; 20 but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. 21 For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

  • We spend so much time worrying about what’s next, worrying about life. 

Luke 6:22-23 : 22 Blessed are you when men hate you,

And when they exclude you,

And revile you, and cast out your name as evil,

For the Son of Man’s sake.

23 Rejoice in that day and leap for joy!

For indeed your reward is great in heaven,

For in like manner their fathers did to the prophets.

  • IF you’re going to make a resolution, make one to trust God. If you’re going to make a resolution be resolute in your faith. Be resolute in your ability to stand tall with God behind you. Be resolute to protect your mind, your soul from the world. Be resolute to let go of yesterday. Lay down that rock and leave it at the foot of the cross. Do not carry burdens that are not meant you to carry. Let God have them, all your worries, your burdens, your hurt. Start off this new year fresh. 

The Journeyman

The Journeyman 

I don’t know exactly where I am, or where I am going. As I have been reflecting on my life, I find myself stumbling. The road has been long, and now that the high of graduating is wearing off, the holidays are here, and I guess you could say I have the holiday blues. Do we trust ourselves? Do we trust how we feel? Is what we feel the truth, or is it a momentary stumbling block? 

I think Christianity is a journey and on that journey someone discovers many truths. I’m not referring to the truth of Christ being the one and only way to the Father, but rather the truths that stream from the ebb and flow of who we are. Our selves are determined by the cells and genes that make up the physical aspects, but the environment shapes our minds. On this journey I have fallen down, and as of late, the depressive struggle has been very real for me. The days have come and gone since the many years ago I started down this road. In all reality I have looked to the world for answers, I have looked to scripture for answers, and still I find myself seeking something, and I don’t recognize myself in the mirror. There’s something to be said for not knowing who you are. When you don’t know who you are that means you can be molded. So many years ago I looked into the mirror and I didn’t know who I was. Many years ago I wrote a paper and I recalled writing this “You’re not worth anything. Why do you even get up in the morning?” (Fateful Night). I truly believed I wasn’t worth anything, and in all this time I have wondered who am I? I am the clay and Jesus is the potter. If Jesus is that interested in me, then I must be someone. Jesus has the whole universe at his disposal and billions of people, trillions of lifeforms, and out of all of that, Jesus loves and is still working on me. Head knowledge and heart knowledge don’t always talk to one another in the most reasonable of ways. 

There’s so much in life that is complicated, and yet, simple at the same time. I’ve been looking for my place in the world since my wife left me three years ago. I’ve been trying to figure out what it was God was calling me to do. Over the years I’ve had my ups and downs, but I know that God is working with me. Is my place to help others? IS my place to preach the good word to others? Is my place to help others find their path? Is my place being a photographer, a writer, both? Is my place counseling other people? 

If you’ve wondered where your place is in this world, have no fear, Jesus is near. 

Proverbs 3:5-6 NKJV “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; 6 In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall [a]direct your paths.” 

While I have no idea where God is leading me I know that the Lord will direct my path. Sometimes the path is long, because it takes time to make our courage strong. (hard love) 

Psalm 37:23-24 “The steps of a good man are [a]ordered by the Lord,

And He delights in his way. 24 Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down;

For the Lord upholds him with His hand.” 

Just because we don’t know the destination doesn’t mean we need to know right now. Just because we might seem lost, doesn’t mean we have anything to fear. We should not fear the destination, or the journey. Scripture teaches us that we are not given a spirit of fear, but one of hope and courage. 

Isaiah 41:10 NKJV “Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.” 

2 Timothy 1:7 (NKJV) 7 “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” 

In this journey we will face trials, we face hardships, and sometimes we face a measure of uncertainty, but in every day, we know that we have a place to send our fearful thoughts. 

Psalm 56:3 (NKJV) 3 “Whenever I am afraid, I will trust in You.” 

Who am I? I’m a child of the King, I am wonderfully made and I know that in my times of fear, I know where I can put it. It’s okay to not know where we are headed, but we should not be afraid of the journey. This is a long journey, one with many ups and downs, and even when the storms come, shelter under the wings of the Angels. 

Who am I supposed to be, and what am I supposed to do? I think perhaps I am a hiker, and instead of worrying about the destination, I spend some time to take a look around where I’m at and enjoy the scenery right here where I am. What about you? Where are you, where are you going, and who do you want to be? Enjoy the adventure of life, and try not to stress over the things we can’t control, which is just about everything. Control what you can, let go of the rest, and enjoy the ride. 

WHO AM I?

Who Am I? 

In retrospect I have often called myself something specific. I called myself a soldier, a Cavalry Scout, a husband, a security officer, a chaplain, but as one by one those things have faded away I have found myself asking ‘who am I’?  In retrospect I spent years defining myself since I left the military as one thing or another. As each position has faded into memory I have consistently found myself trying to reinvent myself over and over again. So, who am I now, truthfully I don’t really know. As tonight was my last night as a student seeking his undergraduate degree, it’s met with a bitter sweet night. 

While celebrating I reached out to someone, I thought would have been happy for me. I reached out to someone that, though there had been troubled times, I felt they would have been more enthusiastic and happy for me. I couldn’t have been further from the truth. In fact instead of congratulating me I was met with hostility, and hurtful words. I know I shouldn’t listen, but a part of me thinks I deserved it. So, what am I? 

Today, I see myself as a failed soldier, a failed husband, a failed chaplain, a failed security officer, and through all those failures I don’t know what I am today, except for broken. For years I knew there was something wrong, that something had gone awry. As I sit here listening to Christmas music, Silent Night by Lindsey Stirling I am reminded that Jesus the Son of God, born 2000 years ago came for the sinners, the saints, the wealthy, the poor, the healthy, and the dying. I realize that Jesus came for me. I am not a perfect man, and when I’ve made mistakes, I’ve tried to fix them. I have never intended to hurt someone, and I’ve never done so out of spite. Sadly, I have to admit I have been on the receiving end. 

Going forward I don’t know where I’m going, or what I’m going to do. I don’t know where my path is, or what God has planned for me. A part of me wonders if what was said tonight is true, and if it is, I wonder if I should consider where that may take me. Christmas is coming and with it the new year. Can I wipe away all the wrongs this year and start fresh in 2020? I believe that with God nothing is impossible. I believe that God can break through the hardened of hearts. I believe that God can heal the brokenness of peoples hearts. I believe that God values someone who wants to redeem themselves. I believe that I am worth being redeemed. I believe I am valued if not by the person from earlier, then by Jesus. I believe there are people who value me. I believe there are people who love me and want me to succeed in this life. Who, am I? I don’t know, but I know I am a child of the King. Who am I? I’m royalty adopted by the blood of Christ to inherit an eternal Kingdom. I may not know my purpose in this life right now, and while my heart feels like it’s broken, and my feelings have been hurt, I trust in the healing power of Jesus. Who am I? I’m a broken man in need of fixing. I’m someone who has lived and survived through so much. I am a survivor and will continue to do so. I’m someone who’s experienced much hardships, much trauma and so much loss, but I am not a victim, I’m a survivor. I cannot loose faith in that love that Jesus gives to me. I may not know where I’m going but Jesus does. If I am to survive this, I need to trust Jesus and trust that he will take care of my tomorrow, my today, and he will guide me. No matter where I find myself “Psalm 23”, the river, the meadow, or the valley, I am protected by the Holy Spirt. I am loved and that’s who I am. 

Three Years After

Three Years After

It’s been there years since I suffered a near fatal gunshot wound. Every day I’m reminded of the wound by either pain in my shoulder, or a scar that itches. No matter the time that goes by, I am truly blessed every day that the Lord of all spared me and changed my life. Jesus Christ has shaped my life and even when my day is hard, or emotional, I know that Jesus is still in control over the storm. 

Three years later I went from a breaking man, to a man still as sinful, but now I see how much more I need Jesus. I tried for so long to do it myself, even though I was a believer, even though I had accepted Christ, the difference was I still felt I could manage my life my way. I found out the hard way how wrong I truly was. 

The difference now is how I live my life. While I still have days that I struggle, I find peace knowing that even in the worst of days, I’m not alone. Since the worst day I’ve experienced, I have come a long way on my road. I’m about to finish up my degree. I have met a wonderful lady who is completely supportive of me. I have begun teaching more at church. I have even sung a song at church, taking myself way out of my comfort zone. I am still working on myself daily, and hopefully each day I am a little closer to paradise.

Sadly some things cannot change all for the positive. I have lost friends and I have watched people push me away while I was just trying to help. It’s sad to watch these things happen, but the ebb and flow of life is such. Sometimes you win some and sometimes you lose some. 

Matthew 11:28-30  (NKJV) 28 “Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 29 Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am [a]gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”

I have found myself struggling to keep moving forward. I find myself feeling sluggish in the morning. I have no desire to do much of anything through my day. I am not sure if I’m working through depression, laziness, or something else. 

Isaiah 40:31 (NKJV)31 “But those who wait on the Lord Shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, They shall run and not be weary,

They shall walk and not faint.”

No matter how hard it’s been lately, I realize that I need to hold the sword of truth. I need to maintain my Armor of God, and keep raising my sword with the strength God gives me. God has blessed me and has continued to do so. I am blessed with an amazing best friend. I am blessed with an amazing woman, Argie in my life. I am blessed with a mother who tries incredibly hard. I am blessed to have my amazing dogs Riley and Cooper. I am blessed that my needs are provided for. I hold the master sword of truth in my hands. Gods word is the infallible truth.

Joy In The Valley

Joy In The Valley

We all have our struggles in this life. Most people don’t get through this life without some kind of trauma or loss. While not everyone will experience a terrorist attack, or war, or a natural disaster, we all find ourselves in a valley of some kind. For me I have experienced war, and loss, and extreme hardships. There’s no doubt we have our cross to bear. There’s no doubt that at some point we will find ourselves in the valley, the biggest question is what do we do when we get there? I have a keychain that hangs on my backpack that says “I will choose to enjoy the journey that God has set before me.” This doesn’t mean that the only joy is in the good times. The quote is means when we are in the valley to find the joy in God’s plan. The path before us sometimes covered in the storms, the wind, the darkness, and scary times. In those deepest of valleys, it’s then we must turn to the Lord. When we are at the highest mountain tops, we must sing praises to the Lord. 

When we are walking through this life the fire is hot but like Daniels friends we will not be burned if we have fervent faith in the Lord. While anything we face is within God’s will to stop or allow, we must understand that at no time are we experiencing anything outside of God’s sovereign will, or control. God will forever, as he always has, and always will work every situation good, bad and ugly for the purposes of light rather than darkness. Light cannot be snuffed out by darkness and since God waists nothing we must remember that everything we experience can be used for a positive purpose later.  We may not understand the reason, but we need to remember that not everything tough situation is a lesson for us to learn from, but perhaps someone within our orbit we may never know or consider. Because we never know who may be watching, we must remember to always maintain who we are in Christ. We must always maintain our walk with the Lord because we will be judged by others on our actions. We as Christians are called to live differently than the world, and sadly often times we live just the same as the world does, filled with anger, hate, and discontent. We CHRISTIANS are called to be different than that of the world. We are called to stand above the darkness and not to be consumed or influenced by it. 

I have walked through the valley, I have faced death, and I have experienced hardships, and I will be the first to say, I’ve not always lived my best self. I have not always kept my temper. I have not always kept my cool. I have not always said the right thing. I have not always done the right thing, and I will one day have to answer for those sins. I will have to answer for everything I’ve ever done or said, and I will have no one to blame but myself. When I’m in the valley, I cannot ever blame someone else for putting me there because it’s not about where I am, it’s how I handle each situation in which I find myself. Not every bad situation is self-inflicted, but some are. Some experiences good or bad are of our own doing, and we need to remember we do sometimes control the bad things in our life. If we make a conscious choice to do drugs we must remember that drugs come with a risk, a mind altering state in which scripture warns against. When we choose to take steps into a relationship in which everyone else warns, yet we move into them anyway, we cannot expect a positive outcome. When we choose to stay with someone who cheats regularly, we cannot expect that person to change their ways. When we choose to allow the world to take our focus away from God, we cannot expect our lives to go well because when we try to lead our own train, we don’t truly know how to drive, and we are likely to drive our self off the cliff. As the song says, “Jesus Take The Wheel”, we need to remember God is the architect and we need to allow Him to build us because he has the blueprint. 

Because God knows the plans he has for us, and the worst thing that could ever happen has already happened, why then do we fret over the everyday stuff? I’m not saying the worlds events don’t affect you, but we often get so wrapped up in worry, and doubt, grief, and sorrow, and sadly more often then not, stuck in anger. We need to remember that God is in control, and nothing in this world, not one single thing we experience can take our salvation from us. The worst thing that could happen to us is we die. For those who believe in Christ, we are promised the way, the path, the light of the world gifting us eternal salvation with the Father of the Universe. Why do we worry so much about everything in our life? It doesn’t matter how deep that valley is, or how bleak life is, the Lord knows what’s just around our river bend, so why are we of such little faith? Joy is found no matter the circumstance we find ourselves, joy in this world for we live for the Lord, and in the Lord sometimes we will find ourselves in that valley. The life we live is never promised to be easy, because the rewards are beyond our comprehensions. A lifetime in eternal perfection awaits us, and all we have to do is carry the cross, follow Christ, and accept that we are nothing without our savior. Give up the wheel and trust in God. Know that Jesus Christ is the only way, and we have joy no matter where we are because Christ is with us here, there and everywhere. Christ is with us in the box, with a fox. He’s with us in the house, and with the mouse. He’s with us, here, there and he is with us anywhere. Christ is with us Sam I am, he’s with us always. 

Prayers Through The Night

Prayers Through The Night 

The days are long but nights are the longest yet. The storms do blow, the trees bend and break. We hear the crack outside, and the light that flashes in the eye. We feel the fear in the night, but let me say to you, hold on a little longer. The nights wrought with the storm but it’s only a little while. This season you’re in won’t last forever. Hold on a little longer, for Jesus is coming, he’s on his way, have you invited him to come? Have you called the great rescuer into your life? Have you put your hope in Christ Jesus?  

Don’t be dismayed for you’re loved by our savior Jesus Christ! The burden you carry is not yours to do so. Our burden is to live in Christ. Our faith is our great burden. Christ died to take the burden of the cross, the sentence of death, yet he overcame. He overcame and washed us, each and every one of us. The faith we have is that knowing our chains in the bondage of sin are forever removed. We have the storms but have peace knowing for all things are worked together for the good and glory of God.  

In my life I have spent many nights awake not sure if I could make it through. Many nights I have wondered how it was that I could be so hated, so despised by God to allow me to go through so much pain and suffering in my life. I struggled so many nights as my tears wet my pillows. I found myself angry, and hating myself for feeling so weak. I bury my face in the pillow and scream at God. I was so young when my struggles started, and I remember many nights wishing I’d die in my sleep. I spent many weeks cursing God for allowing me to be born. I tried for years to be a good person. I tried for many years to be someone that anyone would be proud of, that I would be seen as someone with value. Yet for all those many years I found myself living every day in the storm. 

Since my time so far removed from the younger me I now realize for many years I was either being forged in fire, or tortured by the Devil. No matter which I now know since God will waist nothing in my life, I can use that pain now in my life. The storms will continue to roll, and I will continue to face struggles and trials, but what’s important is my foundation is set and I have come to build my life on Christ. I will live through the storms, the wind, the rain, but I will survive them all. See, God loved us before he met us. He loved us since before we were formed in our mothers whom. He has waited for us to be born, to love us, to cherish us, to have a relationship with us. God loved us so much, his own son died to give us eternal life. We are loved beyond measure, and no hurt we suffer, not even the tiniest sliver that pierces our skin doesn’t also hurt our Abba Father. We are loved so recklessly by our Father, and we are given so much, how could we not live a grateful life? There is no amount of pain we can endure that would ever live up to the pain Christ suffered for us. The price to eternity was high, and the price paid freely by our savior Jesus Christ. Now Christ lives, the spirit is with us every day, and even when we are in the deepest of valley’s the highest of mountains, we have Christ with us hand in hand. We need to hold on because we aren’t holding out for a Hero, the one and only Hero we’d ever need is already here. Christ is here and we just need to hold on because he will get us through any obstacle we face. We need to be ready to battle the forces of darkness every day because every day they test our defenses and every day the storms billow against the shield of grace Jesus has placed around us. 

We can go the distance because we survive the night. We fight the fight and we run the race and all the while are protected by God’s grace. We shall never fall without God knowing. We shall never be alone and we will always have hope no matter how dark the night seems to be. 

It’s Time To Come Back

It’s Time To Come Back

Truth be told I’ve felt like I’ve been gone for a long time. I feel like I’ve been trapped in a solitary cell for months. I have felt disconnected for months from everyone. The voices are heard everyday, and even responses flow from between my lips, but I dare say my hearts not been in it. I’ve been trying to figure out what’s wrong with me, but alas, months later and I still don’t know. Despite writing for months, and having a third of a notebook full of future blog posts, I’ve not put fingers to the keyboard to write very much. One major issue is the homework I’ve had, and when I’m not doing that or volunteering at church, or volunteering with the EChaps, I just want to sit down and do nothing. I suppose that’s not surprising but the truth is, wading in the stagnant water I feel I’ve become old and no longer relevant. I’ve gotten into buying stuff on a fairly regular basis. The excitement and the endorphins when I get to open something new, and oogle at it for a while, but the high wares off quickly, and I’m back on Amazon searching for something new I just gotta have. Truth is, I’m masking a lot of what’s going on deep down with stuff in my life. The more I try to squeeze my way into a group the more I feel alone. The more I try to reach out and make new friends, I feel alone. I have not been in scripture as much these days without my everyday blog post. It could be that I was with Jesus so often and so long every day the short while each day isn’t as much as I was used too, and I long for it. If I’m spewing more truth from my fingertips and my tiny little brain, I’d say I am extraordinarily lonely. I don’t really do well in large crowds, but the one on one I long for just isn’t there. The guys from my old Job are not around much anymore. The social group I used to spend time with seems to be largely dissolved and has left me back where I started so many years ago, on the couch, with my phone and a computer. I tried to get into a group at church but nothing’s filled out. I started spending time with the youth and thought the adults there would be a good group to get to know, and at the same time get to know the kids. While part of that has and is currently happening, getting to be apart of the regular adult group has left much to be desired. I think I’m liked and respected, but that’s not the same as being accepted as a friend. 

Recently I received an open invitation from my best friend to go to lunch after church on Sunday’s, but somehow I feel like I’m intruding. I feel like I’m an outside trying to squeeze my way into a family unit that’s been a family for over a decade. I don’t think it’s far from the truth. So all this said, I have no idea what to do with myself. I have no idea where to go from here, and I long for Rg to come here and start our life together. I feel like my life’s in this long overdue holding pattern. I remember when I was in Iraq in a C-130 flying over Baghdad, when there was a storm on the ground we’d have to circle for a while for the storm to move on. Life has been that way for a while for me, flying in circles not gaining any ground in my life, just waiting above it all for the storm to pass. Well, I am sad to announce, I’m still in a holding pattern. 

Yesterday something strange happened to me. I was at Walmart with my mother (which is no where near strange), but she was approached by a women who claimed to know her from about 3-4 years ago. She claimed mom prayed with her at Church when she was in need. Listening to the women’s story about what’s been going on, and her struggles as of late. At the end of the discussion I offered (being the chaplain) to pray for her and her situation. When we got home Mom asked me if I felt weird praying in the middle of Walmart openly like that. I told her had it been a few years prior it would have been very weird for me, but these days it doesn’t feel weird at all. I supposed when I take a minute to think about it, I guess that’s growth. With all my Bible lessons complete through church, my classes in college that required scriptural uses, and with such a little bit of time working on my blog, I feel like I haven’t been moving forward or growing in my spiritual walk. I was hopping for classes to continue as I hope for Ordination, but life gets in the way, and now, I’m not sure what’s going to happen with that either. I wonder what I’m being tested on. I have been asking God to show me what I’m supposed to do, and the more I wonder, the more I feel the lesson itself is in patience. As things with Rg have been put on hold due to the tragic loss of her father, and a busy season (as if there were non busy seasons) at church, I have found myself twiddling my thumbs. The one thing that’s been getting me excited is VBS (Vacation Bible School) at church, and the fact I have 30 minutes to preach in July. These days, I’ll take what I can get. A couple weeks ago I was preaching (having a discussion) about Jesus and love, and life, and life over abortion, and I felt the Holy Spirit on me, even though I was frustrated to be in the situation I was in. I have no idea if my words held or meant anything, but I pray somewhere along the line those who heard me look at life a little differently. I know God is putting me where I need to be when I need to be there, but I have been wondering what I have to do to grow up. What do I have to do to be doing something meaningful in my life? I don’t want to feel like I am wasting my time, but in some ways I feel that’s what I’m doing. I know I need to finish school, but when I’m not doing that, I feel drawn to be making more of a difference. Even when I wasn’t getting feedback on my blog posts, I felt somehow I was making a difference in the peoples lives who read them. I guess, what I’m getting at in this long drawn out life update is, no matter what you’re going through, troubles, heartache, joy, happiness, unexpected pregnancy, loss in the family, or whatever the case may be, follow God and He will never leave you astray. Jesus loves you and is always walking with you. No matter if you’re in the hills, the valleys, the sunshine or the darkness, Jesus is always there. Am I still worthy of God’s love? ALWAYS! The question is, can I remind myself that I am still worthy, and even when I feel far away, I am still worthy of God’s love. 

The Cheap Knock Off

The Cheap Knock Off

Christians, the followers of Jesus Christ. Understanding the nature of the trinity and what it means to be loved by the one true living God. There are many religions out there, there are many faiths, and ideas, but today there are those that could be considered cheap knock offs, or cheap imitations.

Recently I found what I thought was a good deal on a Avengers ‘Legends’ Captain America Shield. I ordered it because the website called it that, and even had pictures of what the shield (the real shield) looked like. Sadly after 30 days of waiting it arrived in an underwhelming cardboard box, wrapped in bubble wrap, and low-in-behold, not the real shield. The shield was a fake, a cheap knock off, a complete jip. The feeling I had when I opened the box and I realized I had been duped, I had ordered a fake. I realized that the lie that was told, while it looked great on the surface, once you dug a little deeper the lie shown through. Are we fooled by the world of all the lies? There are plenty of fly by night religions, and faiths, and so many people who believe in them. 

Christianity stems, hinges on one main fact, ‘did Jesus Christ rise from the grave?’. To answer this, and see that Jesus Christ is the one and only salvation, the one and only way to the Father, the one and only way to eternal life. Jesus Christ is the risen, the living God. While I don’t want to get into an Apologetics argument in this post, what I will say is this, men don’t die for something they know is a lie. Of all people the Apostle’s would have known if Christ was a scam or not. They believed in Him and what they saw that they were willing to die for it. While people die for what they believe in today, they believe what they follow on faith not necessarily on evidence. Those 12 Apostles knew if what Christ said and did was a lie or true, and we can bet that it was the truth. Next, in a time when women weren’t considered to be credible, when they were not allowed to hold property, or even allowed to live if they were raped, the evidence of the resurrection stands to reason to be truth, because if you were going to perpetuate a lie, you certainly would not lead your story with a women, unless of course women were the true first to see the risen Christ. The Romans weren’t able to silence the over 400 eye witnesses. The Jews never managed to kill those who followed the way (early Christians). Christianity survived because of the truth. 

There are so many cheap imitations out there, so many lies, and flavors of beliefs, but the truth is this, Christ said, John 14:6 (NKJV) 6 “Jesus said to him, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me.” A man named Saul was a hunter of the Christian followers again, known as the way. He hunted them down, murdered them, persecuted them, and one day, out of the blue, he sacrificed his entire life of wealth, fame, status, comfort, to follow Christ. He gave up everything he had, his prestige all in the name of a man he despised. What could possibly have changed a man of his education, of his convictions if not for the truth spoke of in Acts? Acts 9:1-6 “Then Saul, still breathing threats and murder against the disciples of the Lord, went to the high priest 2 and asked letters from him to the synagogues of Damascus, so that if he found any who were of the Way, whether men or women, he might bring them bound to Jerusalem.3 As he journeyed he came near Damascus, and suddenly a light shone around him from heaven. 4 Then he fell to the ground, and heard a voice saying to him, “Saul, Saul, why are you persecuting Me?”5 And he said, “Who are You, Lord?”Then the Lord said, “I am Jesus, whom you are persecuting. [a]It is hard for you to kick against the goads.”6 So he, trembling and astonished, said, “Lord, what do You want me to do?”Then the Lord said to him, “Arise and go into the city, and you will be told what you must do.” 

While my shield may not have been real, it taught me a valuable lesson. Sometimes you need to dig a little deeper to discover the truth. Sometimes what’s on the surface isn’t real and you need to take a little longer to verify the truth. We must understand that the Devil will try to sell us on a whole slew of lies, but those lies look very enticing, very good and fulfilling, but they are still lies. Trust in Jesus that he is THE way, not one way, not a way, but THE way to the father, and there is no other way. The stone was rolled away, the seal broken, the linin folded John 20:7  7 “and the [ Face Cloth ] handkerchief that had been around His head, not lying with the linen cloths, but folded together in a place by itself.”Christ’s life as man was complete, his mission was over, and he had risen in fulfillment of the blood debt that was needed to defeat sin. There are many other religions out there that promise an awful lot, but you need to read the fine print, and see that they aren’t the real deal, they aren’t the true product. Christ is the real deal, the one and only Son of God, our Salvation, our Messiah. The Covenant paid for in Blood, signed for every soul who truly believes in Christ entrance into Heaven with the Father. Don’t be caught off guard for cheap imitations, the knock offs, be sure you are getting the real thing, Jesus Christ. 

Memorial Day 2019

Memorial Day 2019

I fought the fight, I ran the race, but today is not my day to die. I saw the wave and felt the heat. I’ve felt the blast, explosions to my core. I survived by many did not. Today, this day I take a moment to remember the fallen. Men and women who’ve given their lives for the protection of freedoms we share and love with one another. 1 Corinthians 15:22“For as in Adam all die, even so in Christ all shall be made alive.” The ones who’ve fallen and given the all, it is in our Christ who gave all so a sacrifice would not be in vein. It is in Christ that we truly have hope. Death is not the end, no, it’s just the change of venue. In Christ we have a choice to give up this worldly self, and being blessed by the Holy Spirit, that we shall not die, but our chains are broken and life is ours for the taking. 

Do we honor the sacrifice of our veterans? Do we honor our saviors sacrifice for our sins? Freedom is not and always has been pain in blood. Do we die in this life alone, or do we live to die for Jesus?  Today is the day of the year we set aside to honor those who’ve given the sacrifice during the course of their duties to bring us protection and freedoms. While over the last 10 plus years I have looked at memorial day for the loss of life protecting this countries freedoms and protecting others in need of protection, I look at memorial day through a different set of eyes today. I consider the wounds of war, and those who never manage to heal from them. I consider the 22 veterans a day that commit suicide around this country and the true meaning of sacrifice. Jesus Christ is the ultimate sacrifice for our sins, and it is in him we are redeemed, renewed, and have hope. But for those veterans who didn’t die in the war, those who saw war, and experienced traumas, that’s when a part of them died. For those who experienced such horrors and never regained their life, that fall victim to PTSD, PTSD in itself is sometimes death. We must remember to honor those who’ve not only given their lives, but those who’ve taken their lives. 

The fallen shall be honored for their sacrifice. A country built on the belief of scripture, and the Holy Word of God, soldiers sacrifice for this country, their friends, their families, in love, as Christ sacrificed for all of us. 

We should take a moment to remember the fallen, remember the lives lost, but also the families, friends, and loved ones affected by that loss. Today is a day to honor those losses, to honor Christ and his sacrifice and trust that loss will never be in vein. Look to the flag and remember that Red is the color of the blood that’s been shed. Blue the color to show we are true of vigilance. White the color of virtue to show that we are right. While the USA is not a perfect place, we fight for truth, and justice. We are able to make a difference and we should. We stand above and when we stand on scripture we hopefully stand as a light to the world. 

Ashes Ashes, They All Fall Down

Ashes Ashes, They All Fall Down

The tongue is a powerful tool. So many people will come and go out of your life, but I think we’ve lost the ability to truly care for people. How I’ve seen friendships grow, and grow, and yet in the blink of an eye crumble like a house made of cards. The spark that lit the match and the whole of the friendship burnt down to ash all around. The tongue has the ability to lift up and do and say great things, but at the same time it can destroy, and tear down all manner of friendships. Scripture is very clear about the power of the tongue, and love. Both of which go hand in hand, but how often is the words in the Holiest of Holy books ignored. What does scripture say about the tongue and what we say? 

Proverbs 21:23 (NKJV)

23 “Whoever guards his mouth and tongue

Keeps his soul from troubles.”

Ephesians 4:29 (NKJV)

29 “Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary [a]edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers.”

Proverbs 12:18 New King James Version (NKJV)

18 “There is one who speaks like the piercings of a sword,

But the tongue of the wise promotes health.”

When people are wounded they often justify the hurting of others. They say and do anything to make sure they don’t get hurt, and if that means they shut themselves off from the world and caring for others, the sad fact is, it happens all the time. 

In the last…. Well most of my life, I’ve watched my friendships, and relationships build up, and then in the blink of an eye topple over and burn to the ground in ash. In fact, it hasn’t just been friendships I’ve watched burn to the ground but nearly all relationships that I’ve held most dear. Not a day goes by when I don’t look to the future and wonder what my days will hold. Every day I walk is a day I have to put forth effort. Every day I watch my steps, and I would be lying if I said I didn’t wonder what relationship was going to burn to the ground on any given day. Some may call it cynical, but from my perspective, it’s more of a manner of time then anything else. Wounds made by the tongue are hard to get over sometimes. Wounds that are from the collapse of a relationship (friendship, marriage, etc.) are even harder to manage. It took me years to realize the hurtful nature of people, and even longer to realize the love and mercy of my Abba Father. Despite so many losses, through it all I know that my God is still by my side daily. It’s taken me years of hurt, and heartache to get to a point where I am no longer crushed under the waves of the sea. 

When we care for someone, or care for people, how must we act? We are told time and again how important our tongue is, and how damaging it can be. I myself am not free from sin in the matter. In my past I’ve often let things from my lips that I knew where hurtful, specifically because I was hurt, and in my vanity and in my pride, I wanted to send my pain right back at the other person. Love is the only way to fight evil. Love is the only way to return pain that can be inflicted. The old Axum is true “hurting people hurt others.” Love however, is not just love of a spouse but the love we must all share for one another. 

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (NKJV)

“4 Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not [a]puffed up; 5 does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, [b Keeps no accounts of evil] Thinks no evil; 6 does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”

If love suffers long, that means being first in line that suffering long is the most important aspect of love. It also keeps no record of wrong doing. If we are to love in this manner, that means we are to speak no ill words towards those we love. Sadly this is perhaps the most difficult thing people will face in their lives. This world hurts us deeply and that anger, and resentment quickly hardens the heart. Fear of being hurt can often turn outwards and instead of words being used to lift up, to show love, to show kindness, that fear sabotages friendships, or relationships and sinks ships. 

When words are thrown around, or even when actions against someone is taken, behind it all at the root of it all is self. Even if the root is self-preservation, the base is self, and self often leads to sin. Sin destroys everything it touches. Sin is cancer, it’s a disease, it’s the cause of evil in the world. Sin is what causes our lips to spew venom. The lips and the forked tongue behind them are the most powerful weapon on the planet, and sadly the amount of broken hearts, the amount of tears, the amount of pain that’s it caused far surpass the number of dead throughout all eternity. The tongue is such a small little thing, yet driven by the sinful heart, produces terrible amounts of pain. 

In my life I’ve been blamed for my own suffering. I’ve been told I was worthless. I have been told I should kill myself. I’ve bene told I was ugly. I’ve been told I would never find happiness. I’ve been told I deserved to be cheated on. I’ve been told I was so awful that anyone around me would want to kill themselves just to get away from me. The list could go on for miles, but I think the point has been made. Eminem once said “they can be great Or they can degrade, or even worse they can teach hate” (Sing for the moment, Eminem). How true, words have such power. In a life lived where there’s been so many words pointed in my direction, how have I managed to push forward? In some instances I’m still working on it. I’ve slowly come to realize just because someone says something doesn’t make it true. Even though the words hurt, there is power in love and forgiveness. Despite the failings, and the destruction of so many different relationships through the years, I try to maintain optimism that each and every new friendship will be different. This isn’t always the case, and I sometimes find myself being hurt, abandoned, or ‘ghosted’ in today’s society. It isn’t easy watching people leave, or have such a disregard for someone’s feelings, but we must remember that to put our faith in people is foolish. Placing your faith in God is the only absolute. People and their sin nature will let you down, they will hurt you, they will fail you, and you will be powerless to stop it. It’s not easy, or fair, but it’s the sad reality of living in a fallen world. I’ve watched helplessly as friendships fell to ruin, and I always blamed myself. I felt I was at fault, and it was me. Perhaps to some extent it was me, but what’s more likely is my taste in friends. If I choose friends who will speak ill, abandon me in a time of need, only come around when they need something, then apropos they are not the Christian friends I need or needed in my life. 

Hold onto the friendships you can, and those you can’t, let them go. Hold onto the relationships you can but the ones that will leave you, let them leave, and remember Jesus Christ will never leave, nor will he ever forsake you. Hope misplaced can be devastating, so we must hope in the Lord, and hope for the best in people, but prepare for the worst from them. The Lord’s love is never in question, nor is his presence in your life. There is only one cure for sin and that’s Jesus Christ, but so long as we live in this world, even those who know Christ are still subject to sin, and thus still subject to letting down those they care for. Don’t let a forked tongue burn down your relationships. Don’t let hateful speech flow from your lips. Don’t let words that do not build up break the sound waves. Don’t let your friendships turn to ash. Don’t let your relationship be damaged by words of hate or anger. Hold your tongue, hold your voice. Just because something is the truth doesn’t mean it has to be said. Just because you have a thought doesn’t mean it needs to be spoken. Remember that people have feelings and hurting someone is like hurting Jesus. We are one body in Christ and to hurt one is to hurt Christ. 

Hold yourself to a higher standard and really dive into scripture about how we are to talk to one another, behave towards one another, and how we expect God to behave towards us. We expect a different behavior from God, when we treat others badly. Don’t allow Satan to harden your heart with anger and hatred, and fear. God gives us a spirit of courage, not of fear. Don’t allow the song “ring around the rosy” to represent your friendships or relationships. As for me, I watch friendships dissolve to ash, and one by one they fall down.