Tag: christian

Path Of The Warrior

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Path Of The Warrior

Can you look in the mirror and tell yourself you’re your best self? What does your best self mean? That’s a deep question and it will undoubtedly raise a lot of little bubbles from your brain as you ponder the true meaning of what is your best self? Are you living your life to the best of your ability? Are you skating by just to do the least possible in your day? Are you working your life away letting the relationships pass you by? God has given us a balance of work and family responsibilities, but also to evangelize, to minister to those around us. When was the last time you stepped out into the deep end to really push yourself? When was the last time you were willing to give everything? These are tough, thought provoking questions but it’s truly something we all must face at some point. Are you truly alive, because it’s true, not all who live are truly alive?

This last weekend I was given the opportunity to attend a Warrior Health & Wellness Expo with the Wounded Warrior Project (WWP). While I was there I got to thinking how poorly I’d done keeping up with my health and wellness. My physical injuries have become a crutch, an excuse for me to become lazy and complacent with my physical well-being. Since my back injury I have gained almost 30 pounds in a year. That’s an egregious amount of weight in a year. I look at myself in the mirror and I don’t think it looks so bad, but when I see myself in photo’s I am ashamed at myself. In the last several years maintaining weight has become a challenge. It seems and feels that no matter what I eat, how well, or how poorly, I still gain weight, and loosing it is an incredibly difficult challenge. The thing is, when I gave up the fight I was not living to be my best self, and if I’m not my best self, I’m not the best warrior for Christ. I think in my humble opinion, if you aren’t fit mind, body, and soul we aren’t able to be fully prepared for the missions Christ may bestow upon us. In the Army we had a saying, and I think it applies to the path of Christ, “Fit to Fight”. Are we truly fit to fight for Christ?

Truly, we must ask ourselves, what if we gave our everything? We want to eat what we want, and do what we want, and we think there isn’t a cost. We have the mentality that ‘it’s our life’ and sadly, we couldn’t be more wrong. Our life is to live for Christ and if we aren’t taking good care of ourselves we aren’t living the best we can for Christ. We as a nation have become complacent and we are not taking time to take care of ourselves. 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 (NASB)19 “Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own? 20 For you have been bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body.”  If someone bought us a nice car would we be grateful or would be trash it because we didn’t buy it with our own hard earned money? We cannot take our gift for granted, and we must accept that we only live because God breathed life into us. We were allowed to live and yet we walk around completely ungrateful.

Health is holistic meaning entire body, and if we are to be fit to fight we must be physically healthy and if our emotional health will be truly healthy the mind and the body are connected, then if one suffers, they both suffer. We must take our physical health as seriously as we would anything else in our life. If you are called are you ready to go? Are you afraid of the cost? What would you be willing to give up to follow Christ? Would you be willing to give up fast foods? Would you be willing to give up smoking, or sodas for Christ?

We need to take care of ourselves, and that starts with a simple word, honesty. We need to be honest about what’s going on inside our bodies. We need to be honest about our mental health. We need to be honest about our emotions. We need to be honest about our physical health. We can’t live in denial, afraid to face the challenges ahead. If we continue to kick the can down the road, eventually we’re going to have a pile of cans to deal with.

When I first had my back surgery I fell into a depression thinking of all the things I could no longer do. Instead of saying I can, my mantra at the time became, I can’t. I think many of us are like that today. It’s as easy as, my (blank) hurts so I can’t do this anymore. What we fail to realize is, there’s usually alternatives. When Paul was on his second mission journey he attempted to go into Asia many times, and each time was turned away. He never once said to God, ‘okay so I can’t go there, I’m going to just pack up and go home.’ He found another way, other places he could work. God doesn’t want us to just sit around, and we often think of our injuries, or illnesses as a hindrance, but what if those things are our Asia? What if we are meant to walk a different path because of those we will meet down the road in which we can minister too? Before my back injury I was doing well in the roll of security, and I was planning to move to Colorado, and start a new life there. Instead I had a major back injury, which led me to the path I’m on, which defiantly seems more God centered. While not everyone will go from a career into ministry, it’s still something you need to examine and really think about what are you doing in your newlife? It may be that you have new opportunities to minister, it may be that you have opportunities for missions, or even just a different brand of people. Either way, if you are walking with the Lord, you will find there’s a purpose for your change, for your injury, something God can turn tragedy into blessing. Romans 8:28 “And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.”

I think of the path for Tony Stark in the movies, and that he was on a particular path in his life. He wasn’t using his gifts for the betterment of mankind. He was selfish, and cared little for the impact of the things he did, which affected the lives of thousands. He was wounded, captured, imprisoned for months, and this set him on a new path. Tony Stark went from party boy eccentric billionaire, to egotistical superhero. Something absolutely horrible had to happen to Tony to set him on his course to make a true difference in the world. No I’m not saying you all will become superhero’s but, think about where you are because of your illness, your disability, and think about the people you encounter because of it. Do you encounter others who are sick and disabled? Can you provide words of hope and encouragement in the name of Jesus Christ? Sure you can, and it’s likely that’s how God is going to use a horrible situation for good. Don’t give up, and don’t loose hope. If you are to be a warrior for Christ we must learn to change our perspective and stop focusing on the old normal, and look to the new normal. You’re a soldier, a warrior, and you can rise to the challenge. Find your peace in Christ, and then focus on your mind, body, soul, health. There are so many alternative exercises for just about anything, and so many ways to eat healthy, there really isn’t a good excuse for being lazy. I had to take a long hard look at myself to realize I am far from where I want to be. Sometimes it takes a little push of motivation, other times, it takes being pushed off the cliff. Don’t sit around feeling sorry for yourself, get up, get motivated, and find what you can do.

If you need Ideas for workouts here’s a few, first is DDPYoga. This is a great combination of yoga, physical therapy and dynamic resistance. This can be done from a chair, for a bed, from so many different places depending on your specific injury. https://ddpyoga.comThe second is TRX which uses a suspended strap designed for different heights, for different movements, but is amazing because it uses only your body weight and gravity to allow you to work out. https://www.trxtraining.comThe ease and simplicity of these two workouts is proof that you can workout in any position, any health level, and make a difference so you too will be fit to fight. We are call called to be champions for Christ and whether you’re the warrior in need of motivation, or you’re in a position to motivate others, lets get out there, and start making a difference for Christ.

 

 

Tipping Point

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Tipping Point

How long will you travel down the road you’re on before you make a change in your life? Will you wait until you don’t have any other option? Sadly most people will refuse to change until the choice is no longer theirs to make. It seems the path towards self-destruction is a path that must run its course. Sadly I have watched people I’ve cared about hop on that train, and no matter what anyone did they had to ride along till it hit the brick wall, or as most people call it, hitting rock bottom.

What is it about that course that so many fall prey too? The human mind is a tricky thing, and when we truly take some time to think about it, why would anyone stay on such a self-destructive path? I think the answer is simple, and yet complicated at the same time. The simple answer is of coursesin, but the difficult answer is the complexity of the human brain. I think there’s something that happens inside the human brain that gets confused. Take a bad relationship for example. The whole world might realize a relationship is bad news, but the one person who doesn’t is the person in the middle of it. There can be emotional abuse, an over controlling element, or even physical abuse, and yet someone will stay in that situation till, they hit rock bottom. Much of that has to do with self-esteem, a notion of worthlessness, and an idea that no one else could ever love them, so it’s better to be mistreated by someone who ‘loves me’ than to be alone. Then there’s the alcoholic, substance abuse addicts, and workaholics who drive themselves towards destruction and rarely turn their own train before it smashes into the wall.

What can we do though, for those people who seem to be on those trains? Sadly the answer is not much, and any intervention may be a dangerous idea for the relationship. People often lash out when an intervention is staged. Admitting there’s a problem is incredibly difficult and always the first step to any real change. Every 12 step program is laid out very similar, and the first step is always the same.

  1. Admitting powerlessness over the addiction
  2. Believing that a higher power (in whatever form) can help
  3. Deciding to turn control over to the higher power
  4. Taking a personal inventory
  5. Admitting to the higher power, oneself, and another person the wrongs done
  6. Being ready to have the higher power correct any shortcomings in one’s character
  7. Asking the higher power to remove those shortcomings
  8. Making a list of wrongs done to others and being willing to make amends for those wrongs
  9. Contacting those who have been hurt, unless doing so would harm the person
  10. Continuing to take personal inventory and admitting when one is wrong
  11. Seeking enlightenment and connection with the higher power via prayer and meditation
  12. Carrying the message of the 12 Steps to others in need

 

While the 12 steps list a higher power, we as Christians must remember that it is God, Jesus Christ that can help us. No matter what situation you find yourself in, there are a few things that need to be mentioned. First, the creator of the universe loves you. Jesus Christ died for you, and you are special to Him. Second, you do not have to stay on the road you’re on. There is always help out there and all you have to do is ask for it. However, you must be willing to hear the truth, and face the challenge of making the change, which of course will not be easy. Third, you must trust that God can work out any bad situation, and there is something good to be taken from it. No matter the horrible things you’ve experienced in your life, i.e. rape, abuse (physical or emotional), loss, health issues, addictions, etc.) no matter what it is, there is something to be gained for it, and used in a positive way. Fourth, GOD DID NOT CAUSE YOUR SUFFERING, I cannot understate this. God is not in the habit of causing suffering in our lives. We must understand the nature of a sinful world, and a world endowed with free will. People choose to act how they want to. People choose to prey on the weak, to take other peoples power for their own. People choose to give in to the sin nature of this world. People choose to allow addictions to take hold by starting in the first place. People choose to rape, to abuse, to control, because it masks their own insecurities, and they themselves are not following Christ. We often want to blame God, instead of blaming the Devil. We want to ask God why He didn’t save us, and the truth is, he probably tried. We expect God to send us a miraculous intervention, where the truth is, there were probably people there who would have been willing to help, and maybe even tried to help. The problem is, sometimes we slap away the hands that try to help us.

It’s said we as people don’t truly change till we reach the precipice, the bottom of the barrel, the brick wall, but the truth is, you don’t have to wait that long. Addiction can be anything to include staying in bad abusive relationships, but there is hope. 1 Corinthians 10:13-14 (NKJV)13 “No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it. 14 Therefore, my beloved, flee from idolatry.” When we put anything before God that is our idol, and we are in essence worshiping that in which stands between God and us. If it’s work, or a substance, video games, whatever you can fill in the blank that takes the majority of your focus, there’s a time to walk away. Change is possible any time, anywhere, but YOU have to be willing to make that step towards change.

I have lost two wives to adultery and I remember asking what I had done to deserve it. I asked God why I was being punished, and what I didn’t realize at the time was it wasn’t God, no, it was Satan that had intervened in my life and brought destruction upon my home. 1 John 2:16 (NKJV)16 “For all that is in the world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life—is not of the Father but is of the world.” Every day people endure hardships, and they endure the pain of this life, and every day people cry out to the Father and ask what they have done, why did they deserve such horrible things, but the fact is, it’s a sinful world, and there will be troubles. God does not force people into His will and in turn God does not force people to sin. God did not force sin upon this world, but people choose to sin. As scripture says, God will ALWAYS give you a way out. It may not be easy, but God isn’t in the business of making life easy, but it is always what is right. “Dark times lie ahead of us and there will be a time when we must choose between what is easy and what is right.”(Albus Dumbledore)

If you’re in a position you want to change, or need to change, ask yourself, have you been talking to God about it? Has an opportunity to change been presented to you but you’ve not taken it? Is the situation truly bad, or is it that you’re just not happy? Are you putting your attention to objects, substances or people? No matter what’s going on in your life there is always hope in Christ. Remember that as you might have fallen victim at the hands of others, remember it’s free will that causes so much pain. The same free will that causes you pain, is also the same free will that allows you to walk away and turn to God. 1 Corinthians 6:12“All things are lawful for me, but all things are not helpful. All things are lawful for me, but I will not be brought under the power of any.” Don’t give away the power God has given to you. Don’t allow other people to take your happiness from you. When you trust in God you are given joy, and nothing can steal away your Joy. If you are in an abusive relationship, get help. If you are addicted to (blank) get help. Don’t walk through this life living in misery, there’s help out there for you. Be willing to make the hard decision for the hard change, but always turn to God for guidance. God will hear you, and God will answer you, so keep an eye open for it, and listen to the Holy Spirit guiding you. Have faith and don’t forget to love first, love God.

When the Excrement Happens

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When the Excrement Happens

You know you’re about to do something pretty good when Satan throws you a curveball. It’s unclear how much the Angels know about what will happen into the future, but one thing’s clear, Satan does a good job trying to muck up a good thing. Any time something good and positive is going to happen especially things that are for good Christians, Satan likes to try and put a stop to it before hand. This coming weekend I am supposed to be away on another Wounded Warrior Project event, and trying to be prepared with my homework and everything else I have to do, Satan is trying to put a stop to my trip by literally putting a stop to my trip. Yesterday I was involved in a small auto accident in which my car, my poor, poor, car, might have seen it’s last day. Driving home from an appointment a nice guy, was just trying to get to where he had to go, but the way in which he did it, well, when you try to cut over two lanes to turn in bumper to bumper traffic that’s moving 35-40 miles per hour is going to cause problems. Without enough time I was cut off and less than 30 feet I was ill prepared to stop in time when he needed to turn into the shop he was going to. My little Chevy sonic was no match for his Honda Pilot. His bumper took next to no damage, while my car…. Well, it’s seen better days. Everyone walked away and thankfully my airbag never deployed. The impact was just high enough on my car to keep it from exploding in my face. The accident could have been much worse, and I’m thankful we were both all right. Cars can be replaced, people cannot.

I firmly believe that for a Christian who knows the Lord, who trusts in the Lord, who’s faith guides them, and not the world, Romans 8:28is so important, “And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to Hispurpose.” Bad things happen every day to good people, and sometimes it’s not easy to see the good in the midst of so much awful and terrible things. We can become numb to the world and cold and disconnected in time as Satan’s claws dig into our shoulders to drag us down. For instance, as soon as I got home 4 hours later then I was supposed to which put me 3 hours behind on homework, I received a phone call from a friend with terrible news. I began to minister to her, helping her through a tough time, still reeling from my own ordeal. Then not more then 2 hours later, I end up ministering to another friend who was also going through a pretty hard time, and a small albeit real crisis of faith. My cup ran over, and I knew I needed to step away and empty my own cup of stress before I could be effective. It was a good thing I did, because later that night I was faced with a third friend in need of spiritual guidance. Satan is moving in a big way in my life right now, and it’s not easy to stand there and be under a real spiritual attack. So what can we do when the attack comes?

I knew what was happening so I took a moment to reach out to one of two people that could help, my own best friend and pastor. Calling later then I think I’ve ever called I was relieved when he answered the phone. The conversation wasn’t very long, just enough to pray, talk about the quick issues, and we parted ways, in which I knew he would be praying for me till he went to bed. See, prayer is important. God hears our plea’s and God move the pieces into play to be where they are supposed to be, or where they are most needed. I called a second pastor friend of mine, and while he was unable to take the call, just the act of me calling showed my faith in prayer because knowing he’d see my missed call, I knew he’d pray for me on the spot. I was able to get through my night with only a few tears of stress, and although the schoolwork suffered a little, I know that the good certainly outweighed the bad!

 Trusting in God in the middle of the (expletive) storm isn’t easy, but when we know who’s still in control, we can be prepared for the flaming arrows Paul speaks of in Ephesians 6:10-18 10 “Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might. 11 Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the [a]wiles of the devil. 12 For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of [b]the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. 13 Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. 14 Stand therefore, having girded your waist with truth, having put on the breastplate of righteousness, 15 and having shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace; 16 above all, taking the shield of faith with which you will be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one. 17 And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God; 18 praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, being watchful to this end with all perseverance and supplication for all the saints”

 Trust in God and believe in the works that are happening to answer your prayers. As I referred to recently, God moves pieces around the chessboard and it’s important to know that it takes time to maneuver those pieces into play. Be patient in your walk with the Lord. “If I walk with the world, I can’t walk with God.”  Dwight L. Moody If we are walking with the Lord we know troubles will happen. We know that we will have opportunities to be pleasing to the Lord, and we trust these things because troubles were promised by our own Lord and Savior. Colossians 1:10-11 10 that you may walk worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing Him, being fruitful in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God; 11 strengthened with all might, according to His glorious power, for all patience and longsuffering with joy; We suffer long and with Joy. We are patient and trusting in God we may be strengthen by all of God’s might. By walking upright in the Lord we are blessed by the Spirit, and renewed our strength when the attacks come. Don’t loose hope for the world is darkened, designed to crush your spirit and drain the joy from you, but if you know the Lord, trust in the Holy Word of God, you know that this suffering is only temporary that you may be tempered and ready when you are called to do more. This isn’t home, so remember one thing, ‘flexible people can’t get bent out of shape.’ We are not consumed by the darkness of this world, because it’s the Light of Christ that brings us hope, and every morning is a new symbol of the hope left to us as Jesus ascended into Heaven.

Lamentations 3:22-23 (NKJV)

22 Through the Lord’s mercies we are not consumed,

Because His compassions fail not.

23 They are new every morning;

Great is Your faithfulness.

 

Tears On My Pillow

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Tears On My Pillow

I’ve spent many nights since my life was flipped upside down more than two years ago crying, tears staining my pillow. I hide my face in shame, shame for where I am, shame for what I’ve done. Shame for being a failure, and for not being any further along in my life. It’s a rough time but faith in God has gotten me through many nights. Even great men of faith cry. No matter what you’re told it’s okay to cry. Ecclesiastes 3:4“A time to weep, And a time to laugh; A time to mourn, And a time to dance;” We have been given tears for a reason, tears allow the strong emotions we have to be shed in a physical way. Much like laughter it’s important we allow our bodies to feel. If David himself went to the Lord with tears in his eyes, who are we to say men don’t cry?

 

Psalm 6:6“I am weary with my groaning; All night I make my bed swim; I drench my couch with my tears.” It’s perfectly normal to cry when you’re sad, or feeling hopeless. It’s important to know that there is always hope. Crying is a way to relieve the pressure that builds up inside. It is part of the array of emotions we feel, and it’s important to know that while the stigma can be that grown men don’t cry, that’s a bunch of societal crap.

 

John 11:35“Jesus wept.”  Our Lord and savior cried and in front of others. Don’t be afraid to cry, and please don’t tech your children, especially your boys that it’s not okay to cry. This world is full of young people who don’t know how to express their emotions and the damage it’s causing is severe. We must learn to have a healthy range of emotions. Crying does not mean you’re weak, and it does not mean you have no hope. Jesus is the hope, the one way, the truth, and the everlasting life. Trust in Him, pray to Him, and know that when you cry, Christ cries with you.

Hope Always

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Hope Always

The life we live can be full of never any changes. I heard in a sermon recently where it was said after something big happens “the world will never be the same.” While this is hitting the nail on the head it’s important to remember that at some point our season will change, and we will be faced with tough choices. We cannot go through life surprised that the seasons change without warning. We cannot let those changes put a wedge between our Father and us. There’s one thing we must always remember and that’s God is still on the throne, God’s still in control, and we must understand that our prayers are always heard, and answered, even if we don’t see or understand the answer.

Ecclesiastes 3 (NKJV)

Everything Has Its Time

3 To everything there is a season,

A time for every purpose under heaven:

2 A time [a]to be born,

And a time to die;

A time to plant,

And a time to pluck what is planted;

3 A time to kill,

And a time to heal;

A time to break down,

And a time to build up;

4 A time to weep,

And a time to laugh;

A time to mourn,

And a time to dance;

5 A time to cast away stones,

And a time to gather stones;

A time to embrace,

And a time to refrain from embracing;

6 A time to gain,

And a time to lose;

A time to keep,

And a time to throw away;

7 A time to tear,

And a time to sew;

A time to keep silence,

And a time to speak;

8 A time to love,

And a time to hate;

A time of war,

And a time of peace.

Be A Part Of Something

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Be A Part Of Something

It’s important to be active in life. It’s easy to get into a habit of sitting back, enjoying the couch, watching TV, but before we know it that’s become our daily routine, and we miss out on some wonderful stuff. I recently got to go to Relay for Life, and I had an amazing time. Leading up to it I kept pushing back getting ready, and then I realized I was avoiding the idea of going. There would be a thousand people or more at the track and I didn’t like the idea of being around that many people. When I actually arrived at the field I instantly questioned what I was doing there. My anxiety was high and all I wanted to do was run back to the comfort of my own bed. Regardless how I was feeling, I stayed, and with Riley (My service dog) by myself I walked to the track and began to mingle with people I knew. My anxiety took over an hour to subside, but it wasn’t long before I realized why I was there. It wasn’t me at all, but Riley who was making a difference. I would come across several people I knew that were having a rough night, and Riley provided comfort to them. We don’t always think about the plan, but we have to listen to the voice of the Holy Spirit when we are told to do something. I ended up having an amazing time, and it’s because of all the nice conversation I had, and watching Riley be such a joy to so many who met her. Sometimes I don’t want to do the stuff that God is calling me to do but when I do I usually end up telling God He was right. Be sure to listen to the Holy Spirit guiding you, and remember that no matter where you go, you can be a little light of Christ for others.

On Hold

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On Hold

Have you ever had that feeling you needed to do something? What about that feeling what you were doing was wrong and you should be doing something else with your life? Recently I was on hold with a local hospital and while I was on hold I started wondering how often we keep Jesus on hold. How often do we send Jesus straight to voicemail when He calls on us to do something? The story of Jonah is a prime example of what happens when you put Jesus on hold. We can’t be afraid to pick up the phone with we are called by God. We can’t be afraid to do what it is God’s asking of us, because we are told over and over that if God calls you He will prepare you for the mission he has in store for you. In Exodus 3 and 4 Moses is telling God he is not the right person for the job to free the people from Pharaoh in Egypt. In Exodus 4:13-1713 But he said, “O my Lord, please send by the hand of whomever else You may send.” 14 So the anger of the Lord was kindled against Moses, and He said: “Is not Aaron the Levite your brother? I know that he can speak well. And look, he is also coming out to meet you. When he sees you, he will be glad in his heart. 15 Now you shall speak to him and put the words in his mouth. And I will be with your mouth and with his mouth, and I will teach you what you shall do. 16 So he shall be your spokesman to the people. And he himself shall be as a mouth for you, and you shall be to him as God. 17 And you shall take this rod in your hand, with which you shall do the signs.” Notice the word angerin verse 14. Moses had excuse after excuse why he wasn’t the right man for the job. How do you feel when you call your friends over and over and they never answer their phones, or they make one excuse after another that they cannot spend time with you? God at every turn tells Moses that the Lord is with him, and because of that, Moses has no reason to say no, that he wouldn’t go to Pharaoh.

In Jeremiah 1, God calls young Jeremiah to be a prophet of Israel. As expected the young man made his best argument as to why he couldn’t do it, and this time it was his age. God responds Jeremiah 1:7-87 “But the Lord said to me: “Do not say, ‘I am a youth,’ For you shall go to all to whom I send you, And whatever I command you, you shall speak. 8 Do not be afraid of their faces, For I am with you to deliver you,” says the Lord.” God would call upon Jeremiah to be his voice for many years. During this time Jeremiah would consistently tell God he didn’t want to do it anymore. As the people would not listen, punishment came, and a lather rinse repeat cycle came around, he became frustrated and tired of the same old thing. He wanted nothing more than to be released from his calling.

Guidian that you see in Judges was a warrior for Christ. He was called to be a soldier and he doubted. With the guidance of protection of God he defeated the army’s against Israel.

Most people called by God run away from that calling. Not only do people run away from the calling of God they ignore the voice of the Holy Spirit that tries to guide you in your life.  Romans 8:15 “Foryou did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, “Abba, Father.” Do we ignore God because we’re afraid to listen? I think we’re afraid to let go of ourselves and submit to Christ. Christ though will keep calling, and won’t ever quit. He will leave us messages. Send us text messages. He’ll even send people to check on us to remind us He cares. Keep putting God on hold, and you’re only missing out on the true blessings of the grace and love of Jesus Christ.

 

 

Why Do You Do It?

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Why Do You Do It?

What drives you as a person to do the things you do? Do you do things to serve yourself, serve others, or maybe serve God? From my own perspective over the last few years, it seems we as a country have become much more of a self-serve rather than service. While there are moments in history when it seems not all is lost with humanity. Recently during the tragic flooding from Hurricane Florence, we have seen thousands of people coming to the aid of those affected by the storm.

Aside from tragedy, what motivates you, what drives you to do the things you do? Matthew 6:1-4“Take heed that you do not do your charitable deeds before men, to be seen by them. Otherwise you have no reward from your Father in heaven. 2 Therefore, when you do a charitable deed, do not sound a trumpet before you as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, that they may have glory from men. Assuredly, I say to you, they have their reward. 3 But when you do a charitable deed, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, 4 that your charitable deed may be in secret; and your Father who sees in secret will Himself reward you openly.” In my own life, I can’t say my motives have always been clear. There have been times when I have done something for the accolades. We must remember though, it’s important to keep our hearts clean, our motives pure. We can do things, all kinds of things that on the surface look great. We can volunteer at church or other places like homeless shelters and such, but we must be careful to ask ourselves why we are doing it. We can do all kinds of things for the appearances of it. We can put on a mask, and go to church, smile and shake hands, but what really counts is what’s in your heart. So many people go do church because they are expected too. So many people (men in particular) go to church and put on a good show, and try to go out for deacon or whatever position they want, but why? People’s motives are always an interesting subject when you truly start to break down the why.

Why do you do it 2

When I was growing up, I knew I wanted to make a difference in this life. For a long time, I wanted to leave a legacy behind. I don’t think my motives weren’t in the right place as that legacy was to be reminded for something good. As I’ve grown in my faith, now I see that the focus should be living life in a way that people see Christ in you. When we do things for our own gain, even if we can fool everyone around us, we cannot fool God. Proverbs 21:2“Every way of a man is right in his own eyes, But the Lord weighs the hearts.” I think it’s important for us to challenge ourselves to ask why we do the things we do. Are we being drawn to temptation? Are we seeking notoriety? Are we truly doing our works to please God? Are we doing works to try and work our way into Heaven? Whatever the reason is, there’s only one that’s acceptable, and that’s to please God and bring glory to His Holy name.

I have seen a lot of people make decisions based on their own selfish desires. I have watched as lives have been torn apart from a selfish motivation that was acted upon. I think it’s time that we put the past to bed, and look at our hearts today. Whatever drove you yesterday, that doesn’t have to define you today. Stand up for Jesus today. Look into your heart and ask yourself if you can give yourself to Christ. It’s time to start changing hearts, and changing behaviors. God created you for a purpose and when we live in the purpose we will find that peace is no longer an unobtainable idea. Jesus Christ is the reason we have hope, and because of that we shouldn’t be afraid to trust, to give ourselves to that hope. We can find happiness in changing our motives, and we can trust that when we stop living for ourselves, we will be blessed for it. Sure, there will still be trials, but when you have your faith in Christ, those troubles instead of being a category 5 hurricane, will only be a small thunderstorm. Live for Christ, because Christ knows you, He knows your name, and what more can we ever ask for? We are famous in our fathers eyes, so nothing people can give you is worth more then the gift given to us by the blood of Christ. In all things work to bring glory to the name of Jesus.

 

It’s All Laid Out On The Table

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It’s All Laid Out On The Table

I’ve wasted a lot of time on people who would not consider giving me that same amount of time. I’ve spent a lot of time pursuing people in hopes they would one day return that interest. I’ve loved others but rarely received that affection in return. I’ve given nearly everything I was for a marriage, two marriages, in which I was discarded as little more then used trash. It’s not easy going through life getting so little from others, whom you’ve given so much. The fatal flaw however lies with me and my inability to evacuate from relationships that became toxic for me.

I think we have a negative idea of toxic, and sometimes I feel it’s such a twisted idea of what toxic really is. I would argue toxic is anything that causes a divide between you and God. Recently I discussed how things in our lives could be benign to one person but detrimental to others. Someone who bowls on a league may not have any problems with a healthy balance but someone else the league may consume their every thought. Food for some is the enemy even though it’s needed to survive. The same goes for alcohol. Some can consume responsibly, others it would or could destroy their lives. For me, I feel my need for human interaction, and my desire to not be alone, has led me to often loose focus on what’s really important. I have pursued so many and the constant rejection of love and even friendships has left me broken in my bed for many nights on end. My desire to want to feel needed, wanted, loved, has pushed me into darkness. That desire and ignoring obvious signs is what’s become toxic for me.

I don’t understand the desire to play hard to get, or the idea of being aloof. I don’t understand the flippant perspective of relationships in today’s society. I don’t understand how so much is taken for granted, or how little care or thought is placed on another human’s feelings. The pain we cause one another is truly beyond my emotional wheelhouse. I struggle to understand how easy it is to care about ones self so much that without a moment’s hesitation someone is at the bottom of your shoe and you walk on like nothing ever happened.

When people have walked away I try my best not to think the worst about someone leaving. I try to think the best of someone that there has to be a good explanation to why they have been quiet or unreachable for days or weeks on end. Sadly, the most common outcome is just a lack of desire to talk or have any kind or relationship. We are a lost people and our priorities have become completely revolved around sin. When we only care about self and others no longer mater, I assert this is the nature of sin. Sin is about the ‘I’, about self. See for me I have longed for a family, a love that was something special, something strong. I have searched the globe for such a love only to be broken down. All along while I was looking for love in people, I should have been looking for love in Christ. I am a child of God and that kind of love far surpasses anything found in this life. I am slowly realizing I cannot continue to pursue others. I know I shouldn’t, but it’s hard not too. I start my day by sending out a few text messages wishing those in my life a good morning and wishing them a good day. I have done experiments in which I haven’t sent out messages and there was silence for several hours, even days. I will send messages to people I know nearly all day checking on them, seeing how they are doing, offering prayers, but the return is few and far between. I have grown dependent on the communication with others, and now I don’t know how to be just me. I spend time with my thoughts, but often times they scare me. When I start to take time to ponder my life, to evaluate where I am, the silence becomes overwhelming. Somewhere a balance remains, yet it’s elusive. How do we manage the silence when the silence scares us? How do we walk a path when we don’t know if we can do it alone? The simple answer is we aren’t alone. I know many people who are estranged from their families. I know many who were abandoned and left behind from mothers, fathers, friends, spouses, but no matter who may have left you, I assure you the Lord will not. Psalm 27:10 (NKJV)10 “When my father and my mother forsake me, Then the Lord will take care of me.” What are your dreams, and what is your hearts desire? Have you taken them to the Lord in prayer? Have you given your all to service? Have you received your answer but turned your back on it? We often pray and expect to get what it is we pray for. I have found more often we do get an answer but it’s not what we wanted to hear. I know I have prayed over and over for someone to come my way to meet the desires of my heart. It’s pained me knowing that God has said not yet, or no. I have watched as friends have been alone far shorter then I, that have found someone wonderful for their lives, and I am left feeling like I’m standing still in my life. I have watched as many of my friends are pregnant about to have their child, or are celebrating their pregnancy. I have struggled with sinful envy wishing I had the happiness at least what’s seen on the surface. I know that my feelings and my faith are opposed. My faith tells me to be patient, to wait, to be content in whatever situation God has placed me. My feelings cry out in pain wishing I had someone to cuddle with watching a movie, eating popcorn. I feel like the enemy is at my door and I don’t know how to defend against this kind of attack. I feel the defenses weakening, and I struggle in my prayers not to cry every night. I have felt rejected so often lately that it feels like time itself is my enemy. I feel like my window is ticking by and my hope for a family may not find me. I wonder if I’d missed something in my past I was supposed to do, and catch myself falling down an unhealthy rabbit hole. When you feel all alone and you feel like the worlds turned it’s back on you, let me tell you, the relief is Jesus Christ. When darkness is upon your door and you feel you can’t take anymore, let Jesus be the one to catch you before you fall. (Crash and Burn, Savage Garden) The monsters in your head are the lies of Satan, and when you feel you can’t face the day, cry out to Jesus to save you. I listen to the song Crash and Burn and picture it’s Jesus singing to me.

The world is a cold place, and people can be cruel. I have always hoped to see the best in people and while most often in my life I’ve seen the worst in people, I always try to hold onto love. I know Jesus loves me, and when I reach out to Christ, I am never on hold, I never get a voicemail, and I never get the cold shoulder. I know that Christ always has time for me to listen to my problems, to help me when the days been tough. I know I never have to worry about being ghosted by Christ even though so many people have. I know that I am called to serve, and I have finally come to realize I cannot run forever. I have always wanted to make a difference, and though I didn’t expect it to be this way, I know that when people are in their most vulnerable states, I can be the difference for them. So many years ago in a night of sheer trauma I recall being left alone not sure what to do, where to go, or what to think. As I was a scared little boy left with so many questions, and fear that would go on for miles, I cannot imagine someone being left alone as I once was. I cannot imagine so many lives facing their absolute worst day, and not having anyone to be there with them. While today I reach out to fill a void in my life, I know that one day I might be the only person someone can reach out too. I will live my life differently being reachable and dependable. I will answer the call and I will allow Christ to place me where I am wanted, where I am needed, and I will trust in the plan. While I have a long way to go before I am ready, as Paul trained for 3 years after his encounter with Christ, I too shall go through my own sort of training. Paul trained his whole life for his calling, and when his conversion happened on Damascas Road that was just the graduation from undergrad to graduate. His training with the Apostles would be his masters, and I too walk a similar path. My life of trauma has trained me in a specific way, preparing me for a life of a trauma counselor, and my path to seminary, and God willing, the path to ordination will be the masters degree preparing me to do God’s work.

We can pick up the phone and call people who may or may not answer, but why don’t we pick up the phone and call Jesus for a chat? Why don’t we turn to the one who can truly make a difference in our life? It’s nice to have people around, but when the real problem rests within the heart, we must turn to Christ for the only true healing we will ever receive. I am finding that flooding my life with people, and talking, and distracting myself from the pain inside has only been placing a Band-Aid over my heart. My heart is still hemorrhaging and it’s time for me to wake up and face my pain like a man. I have spent my life either using compartmentalization, or distractions to hide from my responsibility. After my Ex-Wife’s affair the first thing I did was blame myself. The very thought of her being with another man forced my own thoughts to ask what I had done wrong. I completely believed I had done something to drive her there, and I beat myself up. I believed deep down I was a worthless piece of trash, and even two years later there are still remnants of that belief that linger in my heart. I often sit in a room wondering if I’m being judged by those around me. I often wish I would have been able to talk to a woman I saw in the store or a restaurant and fear forces me to leave without saying a word. Once upon a time I would have been able to talk to a stranger, but in my damaged state I find the fear of rejection overwhelming. As I have realized I’ve developed into Agoraphobic with a side order of Social Anxiety Disorder, I now find the result from years of PTSD never treated. Thankfully these combined fears are not debilitating for me. While raised blood pressure, elevated heart rate, a rise in anxiety, and on a very rare occasion a panic attack has occurred, knowing what I fight, I can now start to pray, and face the problems head on. (DSM-V) “Agoraphobia: Marked fear or anxiety about two (or more) of the following five situations:

  1. Using public transportation (e.g., automobiles, buses, trains, ships, planes.)
  2. Being in open spaces (e.g., parking lots, marketplaces, bridges.)
  3. Being in an enclosed placed (e.g., shops, theaters, cinemas)
  4. Standing in line or being in a crowd.
  5. Being outside of the home alone.”

While there is no doubt I fall into that category, I fully understand where those fears come from. The second fear is “Social Anxiety Disorder: Marked fear or anxiety about one or more social situations in which the individual is exposed to possible scrutiny by others. Examples include social interactions (e.g., having a conversation, meeting unfamiliar people), being observed (e.g., eating or drinking), and performing in front of others (e.g., giving a speech)” (DSM-V) Oddly my primary here is conversations and meting unfamiliar people. I can act in a play in front of others, or even give a speech in front of others. My fear is the one on one rejection from people. I think because of my fear being able to meet new people, and fear of being judged I struggle with meeting new people. Strangely this does not apply when I’m working. When I worked in security knowing I had partners, others who had my back in the event anything went bad, I was at ease. I could run towards fire, floods, fights, medical emergencies, with absolutely no negative emotion. I was sure of my ability, and my place in the world. I knew I was good at my job, and I knew I could handle any situation that came. I knew as security I was in control of the situation. When I meet people online I have some version of control over the situation. In person I am more exposed, like I’m holding onto a live wire. In my fear, I turn to scripture. Isaiah 41:10 (NKJV)10 “Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’

Christ is the great healer. We cannot expect to heal our hearts alone. We can place things over the wound and try to hope for the best, but under it all the wound festers, and becomes infected. The wound spread throughout the body causing more damage to other areas. In the event I could go back and comfort that little boy left alone, he would have been able to see love, and grace in the light of Christ. He could have heard an explanation and not been forced to make one up on his own. The feelings he faced that night and in the weeks to come would lay the foundation of how he would feel about his life for decades to come. It’s so important to understand our place in this world. Knowing and understanding that the throne of Satan is the earth itself while sin still exists, (Revelation 2:12:13) we are soldiers on the front line. We are faced with facing our fears and being courageous and not allowing our fears or feelings to control us.

“We were made to be courageous, we were made to lead the way!”… “We were warriors on the front lines, standing unafraid, now we’re watchers on the sideline.”  (Courageous by. Casting Crowns)

 I know I cannot stand here afraid of the silence. I know I must face my fears, and not allow the lies of Satan to overwhelm me. I know the only way I will ever stand is on my knees with lifted hands. I know the Lord did not make me to be afraid. I know the Lord did not make a mistake with me. I know I am worthwhile and if people don’t see that, I cannot base my self worth on their opinions. I must be honest about how I feel, but no longer can I sit and pretend I’m okay. It’s all right not to be okay, and in admitting there’s a problem we can face that problem. I trust that God will heal me and I know when I turn to Christ and place my future before my past I will one day truly put my past to bed. When I trust in Christ to heal my heart, I know that the raging sea within my heart, the storm that’s going on deep down in my soul, I know that Christ has the power to calm the storm. In my weakness, I know that God is my power, and I now realize my prayers have been wrong for so many years. So in the spirit of hopefully learning from my past, I propose a new prayer.

Heavenly Father:

I come to you with bended knee, and bowed head. You are the most high, holy, and gracious God. Your authority is absolute and I trust in your purpose. I have seen the light in the storm, and I trust the path. I am thankful for the past and the pain. I pray I may grow and take what I need from those situations, and let go of what I don’t. I hear you call me out my Lord, and I hear your voice clearly in my mind. I hear you say it’s okay, I hear you say my past is forgiven, and I know I don’t want to live in the pain of the past anymore. I pray you strengthen my faith, and give me the way to finally put this behind me. I pray for the fire to burn away the old me, the old me that doubted, that lived a life of fear. I pray the old me is wrapped in your cocoon of love, mercy, forgiveness and the man that walks away is a proud soldier of Christ who can stand tall knowing his worth, knowing who he is humbled before the Lord of the universe. I pray nothing of importance is wasted in that man’s life, and that the haunting that has afflicted me for so long cannot stand against the healing fires of the Holy Spirit. I have spent so much time worrying about how others saw me. I have spent so much afraid to feel because I was afraid how others would view me. I was afraid to come forward because I was afraid of being lashed out against. But my God, my God, you are with me today. My God as my season changes, I know and trust in you. My Lord of all creation, you have shown me truth, and you know my heart. You know my heart and the separation between my heart and my hard head. God I ask for your will be done in my life. I ask the guidance I need to bring you glory in all I do. I am a sinner and I know I’m not worthy and it’s in grace I am blessed. I asked myself so often why they didn’t want me anymore. I grew up my whole life begging for the answer of why people didn’t stick around in my life. I cried so often in my youth, and into my adult life, why people didn’t love me anymore. I cried to you so many nights begging to you to take me in my sleep. I begged you Lord for the answers I would never get. I prayed to you but your answer was always no. You refused to take me home, and even when I was on deaths door you still said not yet. All those years I begged for a father, all those years I begged for someone to love me, it was you all along. Your love is what kept me alive. Your love is why I kept moving forward. Your love was all I ever needed. I was afraid I wouldn’t ever truly know love, but your grace has shown me differently. I haven’t found that love on earth I have sought so long for, but I see now, it’s your love that matters most. Your love has saved, and it’s your love that heals. Your love is enough to push that scared little boys fears away. Your love is the comfort at night. Your love showers over me and you collect my tears. You’re my hope when I feel hopeless. You’re my courage when I’m afraid. I am nothing without you Lord, and I am everything because you have created me.

 I close my eyes and I remember your voice. I feel the jolt in my skin touching every nerve in my body. I feel your power surge through me, and I know I can never be worthy of such a beautiful gift, but as that’s just a small taste of the true power of the most High. Abba, you touched me that day, and now I can only imagine what it will be like when I am by your side. I prayed for a dad, and in my despair you were always there. I prayed for a family and you’ve given me my brother Glen, my brother David, and you’ve rebuilt the relationship with my mother. I am not worthy of these gifts, but I accept them humbly. My King, you watch over me and you bring me comfort, and I cannot express how grateful I am. I have asked for so long who I am. I have searched so long for the place I belonged, and now after so many years crying, feeling hopeless, you have shown me purpose. I see now how you’ve used tragedy to shape a future. Your plan is wonderful, with beautiful grace and strategic balance. Tomorrow the sun will shine, and I know you are Lord over all things. Your will, will be done, and I am thankful for all I have.

God’s In Everything

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God’s In Everything

It’s an amazing feeling knowing that God is in every situation I find myself. Having that faith affirmed is so powerful, I often find it hard to put into words. I know that for whatever reason Christ has a plan for me, a plan to make a difference. I always wanted to make a difference in this world, and after 34 years, a few near death experiences, a few divine interventions, and a whole lot of tears, I finally have made it through the fire to see what all the training was for. In every one of my trials, I have begged God for reasons. Recently I watched as a situation in my life made full circle. A man I never met was at the hospital with my ex-inlaws two years ago. He knew who I was by proxy, and two years later we are united by God’s wonderful plan. I find myself sitting in an office of someone I had never met, but who was praying for me knowing I was gripping to life. How wonderful and small this world is, that in the midst of tragedy God is working things out so out of the ashes a diamond may shine. God waists nothing, and we should remember that it may not be the next day, week, or even a year after a tragedy, but at some point in your life, if you’re walking with Christ, you may find a purpose for it. One day I would like to thank those who were with me this whole week two years ago. I would like to express my deepest gratitude for the hands that helped keep me in this world. I cannot express adequately how I feel, but I know that in my heart, I will be able to honor their service, by serving myself.

Scripture talks about service, and serving others. Luke 6:35 (NKJV) 35“But love your enemies, do good, and lend, [a]hoping for nothing in return; and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High. For He is kind to the unthankful and evil.” Service is laying yourself down before God and going where you’re wanted. God never needs us, but if we are delighted at the opportunity to be used by Christ, we should feel honored and humbled to do so. Those in ministry rarely get the thanks deserved, the pay equal to the work that goes in, or the honors that ought to be rendered for their sacrifice to selfless service, but at the foot of the cross those works will not go forgotten. When people serve others, no matter if it’s emergency services, military, or ministry, rarely do the affirmations come along, but God gives enough to keep you moving. Serving is not for the faint of heart, and nor is it for the accolades, but once in a while when you hear how the service of Christ has affected another it’s beautiful.

Philippians 4:8 (NKJV)8 “Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things.” We don’t always know where we must go, or what we must do. It’s important to take time to pray about God’s path for us, so we may open our minds, and our hearts to the Holy Spirit, and listen as we are guided along the path. We know from scripture that those who seek power are foolish, and those who choose to serve are the light of the Lord. Matthew 20:28 “just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many.” This sentiment is played out by Christ more then once in scripture. Christ is saying here that anyone who dreams of being first ought to be a slave to the last. In John 13:12-1712 “So when He had washed their feet, taken His garments, and sat down again, He said to them, “Do you [b]know what I have done to you? 13 You call Me Teacher and Lord, and you say well, for so I am. 14 If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet. 15 For I have given you an example, that you should do as I have done to you. 16 Most assuredly, I say to you, a servant is not greater than his master; nor is he who is sent greater than he who sent him. 17 If you know these things, blessed are you if you do them.” Jesus shows the disciples that no one is above another. No one is greater then another. This is an act of humility shown to us by our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Whether we are serving others or being served by others, we must always remember that anyone we come into contact with is a Child of God and we must act accordingly. Everyone we meet we have an opportunity by divine appointment to show compassion, grace, mercy, and kindness. If we don’t get a chance to talk about Christ we must always be a representative and hold ourselves accordingly. We truly are no better then another even if we think we are. We don’t always know what someone is going through, and we have an opportunity as part of God’s wonderful plan to change someone’s day just by being nice. Someone who didn’t know me two years ago prayed for me, and now two years later, I was in his office talking about a position within the very organization that he runs. We never know how things will turn out, so we must act accordingly in every instance.