Tag: challenges

Peace

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Peace

When I was in the middle of the worst storm of my life I was seen through by Jesus. When I felt like I was being tossed around at night unable to see I was being guided through safe and sound.

I have been in the storm more then once, each time was more dangerous then the next and even when all odds were against me to survive, Jesus was right there with me unwilling to let me die just yet. People often ask me how I can believe in such an old antiquated idea. I recently heard the bible called a ‘nice story’. For me the Bible isn’t just some story, it has historical fact behind it, and more then that the length of time in just the old testament alone would be long enough time that unless inspired by a higher power it’s unlikely those events occur as they did. The prophesy laid down throughout the old testament, and then the coming of the Star of David as fulfilling prophesy wouldn’t have been likely. Astronomy wasn’t exactly a big science back then. Jesus foretold events to come, but even if you claim those parts were made up, who dies protecting a lie? Eleven men, who walked with Jesus for three years would be hunted by the Romans, and other nation’s leaders as they would preach and proclaim the word of Jesus Christ. Each of their eye witness accounts were written and matched one another based on their own backgrounds and points of view. Each man would fall one by one pressured to recant their story, admit they stole the body of Jesus Christ, and out their co-conspirators, yet not one denounced the truth. Who dies horrible, painful, tortured deaths, for a lie?

While it has been 2000 years give or take since the death of Christ, the works of the miraculous haven’t stopped. Most miracles happen and only a small select few know about it, or even say anything, but once in a while the story gets out and raises the question of these events throughout history. One story, a little girl diagnosed with a non-curable disease within her digestive tract, one day this disease will kill her. She’s playing with her sisters on an old tree on their property. She falls into the tree 20 feet and after hours of rescue they are finally able to get her out. Miraculously she walks away with a small bump on the head, not even a concussion. Within days it appears her disease is gone, and her health returned to normal. She had been fighting the disease for over a year. She recounts her experience talking to God and asked if she wanted to go home with her parents. She returned healthy, uninjured.

If this one miracle weren’t enough to sway me, I’d have to look back over my own life. I have several stories from my own past that should have taken my life, but surprisingly I’m still here. 1990, I was on an indoor slide and while at the top I was pushed over the side falling and landing on my neck. The fall probably should have killed me, but I walked away just a little sore. If that weren’t enough to sway me, I would see another miracle on September 12th, 2004. My convoy would be ambushed and my truck and another truck were separated from the group and made to run the gauntlet. 12 RPG’s, countless IED’s, and a hundred or so insurgent soldiers all shooting small arms at two trucks alone on a path designed to trap them. With chance after chance though damage was done, and eventually catastrophic damage, but not before miraculously making back to safety before the truck died when my foot came off the gas. It wouldn’t start again for nearly 6 weeks. Through the whole ordeal I was calm, and while every one else was yelling, I felt safe, at ease, and it came over me like a wave. This wasn’t from any amount of training, this was pure warmth and divine. If that weren’t enough, December 22nd 2004 a 155 round should have exploded just feet from my truck and miraculously didn’t. Had it detonated it’s likely someone if not everyone in the truck would have died. If that weren’t enough I should have died when a bullet went through my shoulder years later. Almost bleeding out, I wasn’t expected to reach the hospital alive. By the grace of God, and a divine encounter I survived waking up in the ambulance to everyone’s surprise. I had lost so much blood I was gray, and with purple lips I shouldn’t have survived the trauma and blood loss. Yet, when I was unconscious I distinctly remember saying, “God I’m Sorry.” And in response a loud, thunderous, booming voice replied, “You’re forgiven.” It was like I was hit in the chest, a jolt of lightning went through me and I awoke in the ambulance. The thing is, they never used the paddles on me. I never flat lined even though I was close. My vitals though low, improved once I regained consciousness. I begged them to let me go, I wanted to go back, but that wasn’t the plan. I didn’t die that day, and since then I have begun this blog, and I have begun to minister to countless others as I now openly discuss my faith. I have had a hand in saving the life of a man thrown from his vehicle in a roll over accident, and I know I have helped others through some very tough times. None of this would have been possible if God wouldn’t have spared my life that late afternoon.

Jeremiah 29:11-14 “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you, declares the Lord, and I will restore your fortunes and gather you from all the nations and all the places where I have driven you, declares the Lord, and I will bring you back to the place from which I sent you into exile.” For years I would try to find my purpose, and I would feel lost, forsaken by the God that supposedly loved me. For years I would grow in anger and frustration as one bad thing after another happened to me. I would suffer my final loss with my ex wife’s affair finally tipping the scale and pushing me beyond the max of what I could take in my life, or so I thought. I blamed God for the wrongs from people. I had always claimed to have free will, but when it came to others doing wrong against me I wanted to blame God. I constantly felt like my troubles were the result of God being angry and spiteful towards me. I couldn’t have been more wrong. The truth was fear, but not my own fear, fear of the Devil. The Devil attacks those the most with whom he is most afraid. Imagine for a moment the fear he had of Jesus Christ. If Christ could be turned, tempted by the powers of the dark side of the force he would be a failure to God, and would rule as King of the world, but nothing more. Jesus would not be tempted time and time again by Satan, despite his best efforts. Satan knew his time to rule over a fallen world was coming to an end. Lucifer would fail to turn Christ and when Jesus defeated death and rose in fulfillment of the scripture, the only thing Satan would have left was the prevent the human souls from being saved by Christ’s sacrifice. The Devil prowls around now tempting and swaying mankind into hate and despair. The Devil’s desperate final play before the end to stick it to God one last time is preventing as many souls from Heaven as he can.

We live in this world and allow this world to tear us down, to break us in some instances, and yet, we forget the most important part of the story, Jesus already paid our price. All we have to do as easy as it is to say, is make it to the end of this roller coaster we’re on. Life isn’t going to be easy, but if salvation were easy everyone would do it. If giving up ones sinful nature, ones desire to remain in control over ones own life, then everyone could do it, and salvation would loose something. Salvation is a choice, and a choice we have to freely make. I am not a perfect man by any stretch of the imagination, but I know that Jesus loved me so much he gave his life for me. I know God has plans for me and even if I don’t know what they are, I have to have faith. Proverbs 19:21 “Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand.” I have tried for many years to do things my way, to walk my own path, and every time I have tried, I’ve failed. I have run for many years from ministry because I always thought God was wrong. I was filled with so much pain and anger, how could I possibly help anyone else? The thing was, God doesn’t want perfection, he uses broken people all the time. Broken people are more real in their stories from what they were, to the healing power of the Holy Spirit. The true power of the grace of God is the redemption of the fallen, the rebuilding of the broken, and the finding of the souls that were once believed to be lost for all time. Through the grace of God anything is possible. The true blessings we have all because of God cannot be understated. While many will argue the nature of divinity, in my experience, seeing is believing.

Jeremiah 1:5 “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you; I appointed you a prophet to the nations.” God knew exactly what he was doing when I was created. He knew my hardships, and he knew the man I would eventually become. It’s his grace that saved me, and his love that would deliver me from the brinks of death. A rare second chance and unlike many who fall back into old ways, I rose above, and though I’m just as boneheaded as I was back then, I strive to better myself. I try to grow in my faith every day and to be a light in such a dark world. If we are ambassadors for Jesus Christ I want to try to put my best foot forward. So long I’ve tried to stand out in the crowd. I’ve tried to make my name be remembered for doing something great. My own goals were not what God had in mind for me. Greatness doesn’t come how many people know you; it comes from the memories you leave behind to those who remember you. I will try to be the best man God wants me to be, and let history decide the rest. We must have faith in the plan, and let go of our own plans. When we allow the father to guide us it takes much of the pressure off on where to go, or what we have to do. We must fall on our faith that God will handle the details, and we just go where he leads us. Faith isn’t easy, but those who walk by faith, while life is no easier, often learn to take life more in stride then others.

We walk in this dark world, and if we are to find peace we must first find hope. How can someone continue to fight if they feel no hope? Where do we find our hope when the world falls down upon our heads? When the Apostils watched in horror as their Lord was nailed to a cross after being brutally beaten, they were crushed in spirit. They were utterly without hope, but after 3 days the blood debt was paid, the victory lap had been made, and Christ would rise and make himself seen fulfilling the prophesy and destroying deaths hold over the sinner for all eternity. What hope is there do you ask? While the living God is still on the throne there is always hope. Those who dwell in the dominion of Hell have been pushed back as the blood spilt bridged the gap from sin to God. Where we have hope in Christ we have light, and while there is light we will always have peace. The love of God that lights up the darkness is all we’ll ever need. A heavy price was paid, and we have the only thing that will ever matter, the love of the father.

Wants of Life

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Wants of life

Sometimes in life we can want something so badly but we never get it. I have experienced that a lot this last year. The things I’ve wanted and I have prayed for have never come to be. While I greatly appreciate the things I do have, there area couple of things I don’t have I long for and wonder why I’ve yet to be given the things I desire most.

We often ask ourselves what we’ve done to deserve such horrible things in our life. While sometimes our bad miss fortune comes from our own selfish and arrogant choices, sometimes bad things happen to the innocent just because of other people’s selfishness. In those bad times we may wish we had it better, or often say if I only had this life wouldn’t be so hard anymore. While these statements are true and probably have been uttered by nearly every one of us at some point, it’s the struggles in our life that truly define who we are. How one person deals with adversity is far more important then how hey deal with life’s bliss.

When we look to the things we desire we can’t always see the writing on the wall, that sometimes that thing, that one thing we wanted may actually not be good for us at all. Sometimes we should be thankful for unanswered prayers. We must accept

that if the time comes we will get what we want, and if we don’t there’s probably a reason for it.

My deepest desire is for a family of my own. To find a woman to love and cherish who will do the same to me. Someone I can have kids with and experience what it is to be a parent. While I’ve been so close to

That and have watched it crumble and be ripped away, I believe even though I’m incredibly lonely this holiday season, some day, my princess will come. (Yes I know it sounds cheesy)

Truly I would love for someone to take up the mantle of my Black Canary. I would love for someone to come into my life that will accept me, and help me along my path. You know you’re on the right path when in two people you find one another’s best selves. When you push each other to be better, to grow, to support one another. Having faith in those relationships despite my own horrors in my past relationships, it’s something I still dream about and long for.

Have faith that God is still there and if you haven’t gotten what you want, that you’re being prepared for it, or something better. God Loves his children and wants his children to be happy. Plans for joy, not pain. We must remember to have faith, keep the fire and light bright in our spirits and remember that God is supreme. Recognize the blessings this holiday season, and remember the reason we celebrate. It’s not the presents, it’s not the food, it’s the baby that so many years ago that was born to one day die to break the chains of eternal sin. Merry Christmas to all. And thank God for unanswered prayers.

All our Hope

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All our hope

All we can do is drop to our knees and pray, placing all our hope in Jesus. I know I’m not worthy to inherit the Kingdom of Heaven, but God is big and I am small. Some people are cruel, and manipulative. Pray to God for their souls, pray to God for the change that needs to happen.

I’ve been down on my knees a lot lately. I’ve been taken to the emotional woodshed, and all I can say is Thank God yesterday’s gone. Im no stranger to pain, no stranger to heartache and heartbreak, but I’m free and I’m saved in the Blood of Christ. We can be beaten, tortured, we can loose it all on this world, and we can be broken down, we can be so hurt we may not feel like we can breathe anymore, but if you can still draw breath, then the hope in Christ, all our sins are forgiven, our tears will one day be wiped away, and the pain of yesterday will be gone.

There’s nothing anyone can do to take your salvation away. Your heart for Jesus will outlive your pain, the attacks you will face daily. ‘If you can take it you can make it’ unbroken.

Throat punched

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Throat punched
So as I sit here with my neck in a brace, when I talk not only do I sound it, I feel like I’ve been throat punched. Yes that’s what happens when you have surgery. But let me tell you. I couldn’t be more lucky. Gods grace and perfect timing all the time. 
There were complications in surgery. My disc ruptured and fluid went into my spinal column. They cleaned it up but I needed to be closely watched. There may have been some hematoma around my incision. 
Thankfully the rupture was found and didn’t do permanent damage. In all the CT’s, the risky MRI (because of shrapnel in my lung) not one of these scans showed the disk had ruptured. As I’m not a doctor I cannot obviously speak clearly of the dangers of that fluid where it doesn’t belong. But I do know it’s BAD! 
Because Gods perfect in His timing and love everything went well even with the complications. Even the new raspier voice I have just plays into effect when I wear the mask. All things considered I’m pretty darn happy. 
Yesterday I couldn’t squeeze my ball and now I can squeeze it with all my might and it’s beautiful. I can walk with my head held high and arms swinging. Gods touched my body through the hands of my surgeons and have given me my life back. I may have some troubles the rest of my life but for now, it seems all of that is within acceptable limits. 
Believe in the power of prayer and love. From the prayer shawl I received from my church, the love of my Associate Pastor, my mom, and everyone near and far that prayed for me before during and after my surgery. All this prayer I have felt the reward. I know I live on to fight the Devil for another day. 
For you all wary souls like my one was, take heart knowing the Lord of all the wonders of this world is with you, right there suffering your sufferings. Believe and know the faithful, the just, the kind, will be rewarded. We may not always say or do the right things to one another but we must know it and apologize for it. Own up to our mistakes and ask for the forgiveness we should. 
Stay connected to God and be blessed by his touch. God bless all of you! 

The Improvised

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The improvised 
Sitting here in the ER alone as I’ve sent mom home to rest, gather supplies, and get ready for the long day, I find myself pondering what I guess most people ponder when looking at a life altering surgery. Who are my loved ones, who cares who doesn’t? Is my Will complete and dang did I leave the stove on? I am reminded of so many one liners but I’ll spare all of you the boring repartee and just know that I haven’t forgotten about my avid readers. I may be out for the day, but as long as I have a phone I’ll still work my guru magic and post something. 
While I was here I was able to doodle a little something and while it’s not finished because as you’ll all see I’m no artist, I haven’t lost sight of my goal. I will continue to work on my ministries and with Gods grace continue to touch lives. So as I get ready for what looks so far to be surgery, back surgery it is. While the surgeons are deliberating and I’m going on almost 24 hours awake, I’m reminded of some bible verses. 
1 Peter 1:6-7 “6 Wherein ye greatly rejoice, though now for a season, if need be, ye are in heaviness through manifold temptations: 7 That the trial of your faith, being much more precious than of gold that perisheth, though it be tried with fire, might be found unto praise and honour and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ:”
Romans 8:28 “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to [his] purpose.”
We may have setback and we may have plans that go off the rails but even in the darkest of days the brightest of flowers may still bloom. 

Lian Yu (Purgatory)

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Lian Yu (Purgatory)

Before Christ we were trapped by sins in an eternal death. The Roman Catholics believe Purgatory is a state in between death and heaven where you expiating sin prior to entering the gates of heaven. This is the atoning for sin meaning to pay for or redeem. While the idea of there being a purgatory is highly controversial we won’t be getting into that debate. I am by no means trained well enough to go down that rabbit hole and open that can of worms. Instead, the purgatory we will discuss is the one inside our own minds, and the situations we find ourselves in. If purgatory is a form of prison it can be postulated that your own mind can be a prison. We know this because we have thoughts we often don’t want to, we remember things that bring feelings of pain of hurt. We often find ourselves in situations that bare similarities to those that we’ve been through before, almost as if history itself is being repeated. For some, being trapped in the past is the worst kind of Hades we can have. For others they get themselves into situations that are trouble over and over again. While I don’t believe this is a form of punishment while on this earthly plane of existence, I do believe that if we are repeating the same mistakes and we aren’t learning from them, then perhaps God is trying to get us to pass the test to move on. Other times we go through the same thing over and over because of our own choices, even if they are destructive.

I myself have experienced purgatory. When I returned from Iraq I found myself constantly expecting the next IED to go off, constantly scanned every place I went for insurgents trying to blend in. Every shadow there was the enemy lurking just waiting to attack. Then the thoughts came back of the war. All things considered I’d say my platoon and I were lucky. Yes we took casualties, but as many times as we were attacked the damage was superficial and rarely caused any injury. Even though that was the case, the attacks and the feelings that were left behind, where in fact imprinted and left behind for later reflection. Over time it felt as if those memories would show up and torture me at random. It felt as if I were a prisoner to them, my own personal purgatory.

In the last few years I’ve known several people who’ve gotten themselves into ruts of destructive behavior. They would claw themselves out only to get to the top of the mud hill and as soon as they got out, stand up, stretch, turn and swan dive back into the thick of it. One would guess they loved being in that destructive cycle. The truth is it’s harder then people think to break free. Once we are mentally trained for something it’s very difficult to break that cycle. There are a lot of factors that can play into it, where you live, your friends, the music you choose to listen too, even some shows you may watch. (Disclaimer: No I’m not blaming movies, or music, or video games for bad behavior. However there is enough evidence that some, i.e. a small percentage of the population are susceptible to suggestion from these outlets.) The truth is our hearts can and will be influenced by the things we surround ourselves with. Eventually it’s like ingesting small amounts of lead over time. It may not kill us right away, but eventually we will end up with lead poisoning. It’s best to avoid that stuff when we can. Find positive and influential things to fill your life with, either, friends, movies, churches, music, whatever it may be, as long as it’s going to lift up, rather then manipulate behavior in a negative way. 1 Peter 4:15-16 “15 But let none of you suffer as a murderer, or as a thief, or as an evildoer, or as a busybody in other men’s matters. 16 Yet if any man suffer as a Christian, let him not be ashamed; but let him glorify God on this behalf.”

So all that being said, how do we avoid entering into purgatory? Well, in a religious sense don’t be habitual sinners. If you are mean and cruel to people and bad things happen to you, chances are you brought that upon yourself. By changing our focus and changing our hearts and minds, giving up and sacrificing our worldly self to Christ, we can then move forward cleansed and free of old sins. Our daily walk should prevent us from entering into man made, self-made perpetual prisons. A purgatory for your mind is harder to achieve. Sometimes we have no control over the trauma’s we endure. I have always been a firm believe of a two pronged approach therapy. The first is for your mind, to actually work on the event that caused the issue. The second is for your heart, and that’s a spiritual journey by someone in the clergy. We can’t have one without the other because we must take care of both the heart and the mind. Both will influence the other, and both have to be in a healthy place and a healthy balance. Don’t allow yourself to be held prisoners by the horrors we may face. Find your spiritual footing and allow those people in ministry to help you. Do not create your own purgatory, instead allow yourself to freely walk away leaving everything behind that held you in chains. Repent for your sins and within that repentance remember it’s not just saying you’re sorry, it’s making an action to make up for the mistake. Mark 5:4 “because he had often been bound with shackles and chains, and the chains had been torn apart by him and the shackles broken in pieces, and no one was strong enough to subdue him.” Jesus freed us from the bonds of sin, and the eternal damnation that followed for it. It takes strength and dedication to overcome the chains of the world, the lustful desires that bind us to our prisons. Fight the sin urges, flee from sinful drama, and seek Godly counsel when in need. Always has if what you are doing glorifies God, and if you don’t think it will, or wouldn’t talk to your pastors or priest about what you are thinking of doing, it’s probably not a good idea to do it.

We can’t always help what happens to us, we can’t always help the scars it leaves behind, but how we choose to handle each of those situations, where we choose to get help for them will be the defining factor as to our eternal future. If life gets hard and you choose to turn to the bottle chances are that bottle will become your purgatory. If you choose to turn to the counsel of God, you’ll undoubtedly have better luck. Don’t create your own prisons, and don’t go searching for purgatory.

Making A Plan

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Making A Plan

All my life I had a plan, I knew how the plan was going to go, I knew how my life was going to unfold, and I knew how to execute the plan. Well, a day before I graduated high school the plan fell apart. ‘The defense department regrets to inform you that you have be found ineligible for the selection into the United States Marine Corps. “ Well, there went my plan. I was so certain I would make it into the Armed Services I barely spent any time on my college testing, and I had only applied to two universities. Both of which I was accepted to, though, I hadn’t planned for how I was going to pay for college. So my plan flew off the rails before it even got going. After a year of moving around a bit, I got a job but wasn’t satisfied with life. I was terrified of college and failing so I ran away from that as fast as I could. It was just by pure coincidence (if there is such a thing) that I ran into an Air Force recruiter in the store. I had talked to him about my denial letter and re suggested I reapply. A few months later I moved back home to live with my Grandfather, and I talked to my local recruiter. Everything was looking good, the process was going along smoothly, and away to MEPS I went. Something was wrong though. I didn’t feel the choices in the Air Force fit my personality and my drive. When I got back from MEPS my recruiter wasn’t there at the recruiting station. I was really upset by that, and I stormed into the Army recruiting office and started talking to them. Within 10 minutes I was headed home with a list of Army jobs, and a slew of information. I had at least 13 jobs circled for further review within the 15-minute drive home. This looked promising I said to myself. I went to MEPS again for the final time before I would ship out, the rest of my testing was done; the job selection process came up. Cavalry Scout was the dream job. There was only 1 slot open so we had to write an essay between two of us candidates. Mine was chosen and I advanced to get a ship date, 6-month wait.

For the next 6 months I would train, and I would enjoy the time I had left with close friends. I would be headed to Fort Knox for one station unit training, and while I was there I would get my duty station. I had signed up for a 1-year hardship in Korea. I figured, if I was going to go to war at least I could have some training in the Army first. During basic I was doing well, I was getting faster, stronger, and testing well. I was moving along to graduate then all of a sudden I ended up with MERSA and I was hospitalized for 4 days. I missed out on vital training, so instead of graduating with my class, I would be recycled through to the next class to graduate. This hit me like a ton of bricks. The plan wasn’t cooperating. I would graduate 6 weeks later then planned. I went to Korea and placed in my unit up at Camp Casey. 1 year in Korea wasn’t going to be so bad. I had a plan, and if I liked it I might even stay one more year after that. Except the plan wasn’t going to cooperate again. We as a unit were being removed from Korea, sent to Iraq and our new home location would be determined while we were in theater. I choose Korea because hardship duty stations didn’t deploy to other combat zones, or they hadn’t in almost 50 years. All that time and effort I spent getting away from the war for a little while just vanished in front of me.

While in country I would get hurt (non combat related) I would loose friends (combat related) and I would endure hardships. I would get home and try my best to keep making plans. Relationships wouldn’t go to plan, I would end up having surgery on my knee, I would get married, then get out of the military ahead of schedule. I moved, and then moved to Europe as a civilian military spouse. I would loose that marriage to an affair. I met a wonderful woman, eventually would marry her and then in time watch as my life was torn apart by yet another grisly affair.

So, that’s pretty much the last 15 years. I look back and I snicker at how well my best laid plans would work. I heard a quote just a couple weeks ago “Make the plan, Execute the plan, Expect the plan to go off the rails, Throw away the plan.” (The Flash) That statement couldn’t be truer. What does God think of our plans? Well, funny you should ask, Proverbs 15:22 “Without counsel plans fail, but with many advisers they succeed.” As we all know, even as much as we may want something, that doesn’t mean that’s what God has planned for us. Amos 3:7 “For the Lord God does nothing without revealing his secret to his servants the prophets.” Since we haven’t seen any prophets in a long time, it’s safe to say we often fly blind. Another saying to laugh about is “Tell God your plans and watch Him laugh.”

Living by following the cross, and doing our very best to listen to what God has planned for us is the closest we have to knowing plans will even partially work. When God closes a door we have a hard time understanding why, we have a hard time accepting no as an answer. For some it’s not a no, it’s just a not yet, but for others, their fate is down a different rabbit hole. We all know that the best-laid plan is to follow Christ. Read the scripture and the lessons left for us to follow and you can’t go wrong. Not all our plans are meant to work, some are because of our own doing, and some will fail because of others. The path your on doesn’t actually end, it just splits. It’s up to all of us to choose the path we feel lines closest to what God wants for us. James 4:13-17 “Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.” As it is, you boast in your arrogant schemes. All such boasting is evil. If anyone, then, knows the good they ought to do and doesn’t do it, it is sin for them.”

I’ll leave you with this story as a close. August 2012, just three months before I was scheduled to be married I was out with my girlfriend and her father. She had just got a new Smith & Wesson Bodyguard semi automatic pistol. It’s a little .380 about the size of my hand. We’d been out shooting for a little while and I opted to shoot last. I was testing out the built in laser and I went to a knee to see how accurate it was. I held the gun steady and I squeezed the trigger. It jumped like no tomorrow as I felt a huge wave of air on my face. It felt like a book had been waved in front of my face, then hit me. I went to stand up, but I couldn’t see completely. My face was red hot, and I could feel the warm hot liquid poor from my face. I could feel it on my hand when I touched my face, and it was at that moment I realized I was in need of help. I turned around and dropped to a knee. We would later find the bullet casing had exploded in the chamber. It buckled the guns plastic, and peppered my eye protection with bits of shrapnel. Sadly my glasses didn’t protect my entire face and my cheek, nose, and forehead weren’t so lucky. My vision was saved due to the glasses, but to this day a piece of shrapnel still remains in my right cheek as the surgeon was unable to remove the tiny fragment in fear of doing more harm then good. Every day we went shooting we always planned and executed safety as best we could. On this particular day it happened to be, I was doing what I was supposed to, I wore what I was supposed to, but I was still injured. Thankfully the shrapnel wasn’t lower and it didn’t go through the artery in my neck. Even the best laid, most carefully thought out plans can quickly go to all Hades. Just remember that sometimes, when our plans go off the rails THAT may be part of the bigger plan after all.

Through the Wilderness

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Through the Wilderness

We trek and we wander, but do we ever know what we are looking for, what we are hoping for? The life of a broken man the pains the suffering are only a part of the trials. A man of dignity will slow down and in times of trouble ask God for direction. A man will be calm in the storm, cool in the fire, strong when others are weak. A true man will be a leader when times call for it. The never-ending supply of love and guidance from God will always get the faithful through the toughest of situations.

In a lot of early tribes a boy was placed in the wilderness and tested to survive. This test of bravery, intuition, resourcefulness, and a will to survive is what they determined a man. Today, we no longer have these rights of passage. A boy turns 18 and poof, he’s a man. No test of bravery, of skills, just an age. Sadly today, we call a man, a man, but often, they don’t act like a man, but a boy instead.

Today a male will lay with a female and when she gets pregnant the boy will leaver her high and dry. Being able to make a child does not make you a man, taking care of your responsibilities, being a father to your child, that’s what makes you a man.

Sometimes bad things happen, and sometimes people make bad choices. Even when there is a difference of opinion, or a falling out, how you move forward how you behave in the day-to-day decisions will tell the world the type of people you are. I asked a friend yesterday in fact, “In our life, how often does someone view us as the villain in our story?” I find that to be an interesting conundrum. A matter of opinion, perspective can change how someone is viewed. I am of firm belief that when the majority sides with you you’re probably doing it right. What do we do when we are tested, when we are baited to stoop to someone’s level, how will we manage the temptation. It’s easy to let selfishness, greed, wants and self gratification take over and drive you from decision to decision.

I never imagined seeing the downward spiral so closely in my life. The evil deeds of someone can easily come about anytime. It’s a hard balance to know the monster from within can surface at any time. It’s so important to maintain a sense of dignity and Christian moral values in times of stress and distress. Proverbs 6:12-16 “A worthless person, a wicked man, goes about with crooked speech, winks with his eyes, signals with his feet, points with his finger, with perverted heart devises evil, continually sowing discord; therefore calamity will come upon him suddenly; in a moment he will be broken beyond healing. There are six things that the Lord hates, seven that are an abomination to him:” God does not approve of evil or wicked actions. Ecclesiastes 12:14 “For God will bring every deed into judgment, with every secret thing, whether good or evil.”

 Some day you and all will have to answer for your sins. Each and every thought, every action, will be accounted for at the Day of Judgment. When you are standing before God and you realize you’ve done wrong that is too late. You must repent prior to death. Acts 3:19 “Repent therefore, and turn again, that your sins may be blotted out,” No one is free from knowing their sins and doing the sinful nature anyway. “17 So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin.” Time on earth is finite. We never know how long we have, but if we wait till our dying breath, saying you’re sorry isn’t the same as repenting. Repenting is actually changing behavior. One of my best friends and my Pastor put it this way, “Anyone can say they are sorry and mean it to a degree. Repentance is an action in which you take steps specifically to right the wrong that was committed to the best of your ability. I can say I’m sorry I broke your Arrow Funko Pop. Repentance is replacing it with a new one plus Slade, and specifically not breaking something else of yours again.” (Rev. Glen Newsome, Jr.) How many times have you or someone you know apologized and went right on doing the same behavior they just said they were sorry for? In time that ‘sorry’ no longer means as much as it once had.

Sadly, as we find our way through the wilderness of life we must learn to grow into manhood, womanhood, but also grow in our faith and live our lives as good faithful Christians. No matter the hurt someone places on you, forgiveness is not optional. It doesn’t matter if there is an apology or repentance. Forgiveness is something we are told we must do and do with all our hearts. Never forget that.

Breaking Beyond The Past

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Breaking Beyond The Past

A little boy grows up without a father. He’s different then other kids. He has a lot on his plate at a young age but manages to find a way to suppress it. As the kid grows up he suffers much and every day it feels as if the weight of the world is pressing onto his shoulders. What if that past was no longer the weights they once were?

A friend told me recently that a day will come when I can’t let the pain of the past dictate my future any longer. It’s ironic how many times I’ve seen something about someone’s past controlling them today. In my favorite show Arrow the main character Oliver Queen found out some disturbing information about his father. The main antagonist tries to drudge up the past and prove the past not only defines us, but also forces us to repeat the sins of our forbears. Later in an episode of The Flash, Barry Allen’s memories are wiped. He is found to be a happier guy because the pain and suffering of his past no longer haunt him. Joe his foster dad said something along the lines of, without his 28 years of experience he isn’t the same person. In the words of Captain Kirk “Damn it Bones, you’re a doctor. You know that pain and guilt can’t be taken away with the wave of a magic wand. They’re the things we carry with us, the things that make us who we are. If we lose them, we lose ourselves. [to Sybok] I don’t want my pain taken away! I need my pain!” One thing I’ve learned is when you see those kinds of things they aren’t coincidental; they are the little things God puts into our path to help guide us. What does it mean to truly put the past behind you? What do we do when we have to push that pain and darkness behind us?

The darkness within our lives is just as important as the light. We cannot be who we are without the joys and pains in our lives. We cannot be who we are without both because it’s the trials we go through that teach us the most about who we are. Sometimes a tragic event can freeze us in time. Breaking out of that gelatin can be a struggle. Much like quick sand the more we struggle to get out the deeper into despair we sink. So what does it take to drastically alter a persons mindset? More often I’ve found it takes a drastic event to plunge us into despair and something drastic to bring us out. When the world seems at odds with us what gives us the hope and strength to keep moving forward. For me a major life altering event occurred and at the same time I had a come to Jesus moment. Romans 8:17-18 “17 And if children, then heirs; heirs of God, and joint-heirs with Christ; if so be that we suffer with him, that we may be also glorified together. 18 For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.” We suffer today because we are told we would. Knowing we are going to suffer on this world, doesn’t mean it’s easy to bare. 2 Corinthians 1:5-6 “5 For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ. 6 If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer.”

We often search for a higher understanding when we hit our lowest. The key to happiness is to search for that understanding even when things are good also. Ecclesiastes 7:14 “In the day of prosperity be joyful, but in the day of adversity consider: God also hath set the one over against the other, to the end that man should find nothing after him.” It doesn’t matter who are parents are, or who they aren’t. It doesn’t matter what horrible things our pasts represent or the horrors in our nightmares, what matters is what we choose to do with our tomorrow. We can choose today to let the past go, and make our tomorrow a wonderful new you. There’s no time like the present to drop the weights off your shoulders and let go of those chains that hold you back. That doesn’t mean that your past won’t always be with you, it just means you won’t let the past dictate terms for your future. In your life you may have encountered people who were naysayers, told you you’d never make it, told you you weren’t good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, and in every way taught you were weren’t enough. This is a lie and it doesn’t matter who says it, it’s the Devil speaking. Psalm 139:13-16 “For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.”

 We may loose our Canary, but in time, perhaps a new one will take up the mantel of the mask. Lovers can become enemies and friends can become nothing. Strangers can become friends, and unlikely acquaintances can save our lives. In God all things are possible, and all things are possible in time if it’s Gods will. Never forget to pray before every decision and in all things give God the glory.

The Lonely Tree

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The Lonely Tree

 The tree stands in the middle of the forest. It’s not the biggest or the tallest, but it’s still a good tree. It’s surrounded by the forest on all sides, with some of the biggest, prettiest trees. This tree isn’t special or unique in any way. There’s nothing that makes this tree stand out in the greatness and wonders of the beauty it’s surrounded by. This tree like many others survived from a seedling, to the tree it is today. The tree flows in the wind, the leaves rustle just a bit. The branches are sturdy as are the roots. Birds come and go but pay the tree no mind. The occasional squirrel plays to and fro the branches, but sadly the tree has no hope to make friends with the squirrels or the birds. Along come the spiders that only use the tree, expect the tree to not mind the silky webs being strewn about in any manor the spiders want.

The tree wonders to itself why couldn’t I grow in a nice back yard someplace? Someplace where a couple kids would climb, and laugh, have a swing, or a glorious tree house to invite their friends over to play. Then the tree would stand out and be important. The kids would love that tree, and there they would create memories of the tree that they would have forever. Surrounded by other trees this tree is lonely. What can this tree do to feel better?

The Tree grows day after day, bigger and bigger it reaches for the sky. For years this tree stands in the forest questioning it’s existence. “Why am I here Lord?” the tree asks. “I have a plan for you, but be patient.” God said in return. So the lonely tree continued to host the spiders, the squirrels, the occasional birds and waited as God commanded.

Several more years had passed and the tree felt even more alone and out of place. The tree can’t believe there is no purpose. The day came when there was much commotion in the forest. Men flooded the forest with large pieces of equipment. “God I’m scared” said the tree. “You’ve been faithful to your own understanding. You’ve been home too many and you’ve lived a long life. You’ve given yourself to a cause and you’ve been patient, and for that you will give back in ways you can only dream of.” “I don’t understand what you mean God.” Responded the tree. “Trust in me, have faith, and you will.” God reassured the tree. “All I’ve ever wanted to be was special.” Said the tree. “You will be more special then you could ever imagine.” Replied God.

In the following days the men with the equipment were cutting down other trees. The day came when the men started to cut down the old tree. “I’m scared.” Said the tree. “My child, just as men, there’s a plan for all my creation. You will help reach almost a hundred people. My darling tree you are destined to be used to print Bibles. You will be made into Bibles that will be sent all over the world. Your sacrifice, your purpose will create nearly 100 Bibles. Those Bibles will touch the lives of almost 100 people and offer an opportunity for my children to know me.” “I am honored to give back my Lord.” Said the tree. “You’ve never been alone, and you never will be alone.” Replied God.

No mater what we think of our lives, we don’t know what God will plan for us. We don’t know our usefulness. What we do know is when we give the Glory to God, when we give faithfully, we will be given in return. Proverbs 28:20 “A faithful man will abound with blessings, but whoever hastens to be rich will not go unpunished.” And finally Luke 16:10 “One who is faithful in a very little is also faithful in much, and one who is dishonest in a very little is also dishonest in much.” As the tree was faithful for all those years and all it wanted was to be useful, to be bigger then what it was. The tree’s prayers would be answered after a lifetime of waiting. Sometimes God will say No because it’s not the right time, or it’s not what’s good for us. You don’t have to be the biggest, or strongest, fastest or smartest in order for God to use you. You only need to be willing to be a servant for God and you shall be blessed for it. No matter whom you are or how you think you don’t fit in, you will always fit in, in Gods kingdom.