Being alone – The Arrow Preacher

Finding Love This Holiday

It’s been over a year now since my wife separated from me. In that time I have spent an exhaustive amount of time trying to broaden my social life, along with that, I’ve tried to get back into the dating world. It’s not an easy task when you don’t have a solid social life to start with. Getting back out there is hard enough when you have a ton of friends let alone, when you don’t. The most common advice I get is to just be patient and don’t look for it. The other is all in good time. See here’s the thing with that, if I don’t try, it won’t happen. Cause and effect, if I sit at home alone every day people aren’t going to just come to me. In order for me to legitimately find new friends, and perhaps a new relationship, I need to actually be proactive. Nothing happens without work or effort.

Something else I’ve heard far to often is learning to be content being on my own. It literally drives me nuts when people give blanket advice and really have no idea about the whole situation. People like to give advice without thinking of the actual situation someone’s in. There’s a level of isolationism that’s not healthy, and while isolation isn’t healthy in long exposure, there are times when it’s healthy. When you are feeling vulnerable like a live wire isolation is the worst thing for you. When you go through a divorce or separation, the experts say to have a healthy budding social life, not to isolate yourself. While there is something to be said about self-reflection during times like that, that’s not the same thing as not getting out or going anywhere. If you only go out once every 3 months or so, and you don’t spend time with people in between any of that, it’s likely the effects of isolation will be more detrimental then the ability to pull positive lessons from it.

All that being said, I would like you to think about the type of friend you are, and the type of people who are in your life. Everyone is going through something and while I’m not excusing gross negativity, what I am saying is be empathetic for the blight that has fallen upon your loved ones this year. Everyone endures struggles, but some endure more then others. Some people who are alone this year can find themselves feeling more lonely, and are more likely to fall into depression.

In my own life not only have I fallen into a tough spot to be, but I’ve had a mass exodus of friends, and some close friends in the last year. People in my life I never thought would leave or abandon our friendship have left without so much as a single word of explanation. While it’s true, everything works out for the glory of God, that doesn’t make the sting of disappointment any less, or the heartbreak from loosing people I cared deeply for. It’s not easy loosing people, even if they say it’s for the best. The cause and effect however still remains the same. I know to many people who have suffered great losses this year and can always use a little extra love.

My hope this holiday season is to find someone who truly wants to be with me for me. Someone who cares for me, and the season will end for me, and a new one begins. While I would love to enter in a beautiful relationship, I also want to have a budding social life. I crave social interaction and wish to have a solid group of friends. While I understand I may need to continue to be patient for this, I can still wish for a Christmas miracle. Remember though there are a lot of people out there, and several you would probably find within your own circle of friends. Don’t forget them this year, don’t forget the losses people experience and how that may affect them around the holidays. Try to lift them up and be there for them. It may not be a lot, but for some that little extra effort may be the difference in all the world. I realize people get busy around the holidays, but any extra effort won’t go unnoticed.

What’s Good for the Goose is good for the Gander!

What’s good for the goose is good for the gander! You know what I feel about this? What’s good enough for someone, should be good enough for someone else. Have you ever been categorized in a particular way? I’m what most would consider an odd duck. I have my particular talents, my particular traits, but mostly I’m not much different then most dogs, trustworthy, loyal, protective when I need to be, and I’m easily trainable. I am usually considered to be a nerd with the characteristics of a boy scout. I would think honorable traits, but perhaps not all that flattering. One thing I’ve noticed is the phrase really makes no sense. How many people tell you, you’re such a great guy, anyone would be lucky to have you! What, the what? See, this makes no sense, if you tell someone they are so great and anyone would be lucky to be with them, then why aren’t you, or why are those the people who are single the most? I have an answer for all of you, the dreaded friend zone! No one wants to be there, but so many nerds end up there. So many nice guys end up in the friend zone for reasons that for the life of me, I just can’t explain.

While I cannot provide any answers, and while I’ve failed to fix any of my own frustrations in this life, the only thing I can offer is God is still on the throne, and in charge over all. We may not always see the reason, or the purpose to our current or long standing predicaments. We must remember to have faith in the plan even when we can’t see it. God tells us it’s not good for man to be alone, so he created woman. I believe for everyone there is someone, and although it make not be easy, nothing in this life worth having is easy. We must learn to trust God with all our hearts, and even in the midst of loneliness, we must have the strength to carry on. Being alone for some people is a fate worse then death. We must take the grief and the pain we have, and learn to use it for the betterment of our lives. Much easier said then done, and I by no means am an expert in this. In fact, one might say over the last year, I’ve not done so well. It takes time to change, and to be molded. Time for us is fleeting, but as long as we continue to try, that’s the best we can ever hope for. Just remember, just because someone doesn’t want you, or someone doesn’t love you, or even someone who has loved you, then leaves you, this doesn’t quantify your self worth. Don’t allow people to be what makes you feel worthy or important. This is something I am terrible at, and I need to work on this every single day. I hope in my struggles, someone out there may read this and know they are not alone in this fight. I pray for each of you alone with the desire to have someone special, finds that person and helps fill that void in your life. Good luck to all of you and God Bless.