It’s Not The Size That Counts

It’s Not The Size That Counts

 Sometimes the world is a huge place. It can feel large and overwhelming. Sometimes you can be the little guy in the boxing ring with a much larger, much more intimidating opponent. When you’re the little guy in the middle of a big fight you can’t always win by brute force. When I’m taking more punches then I’m given you have to think about your strategy. Sometimes all you can do is put the gloves up, protect the face so hopefully the bell will ring and the round will end and I’ll take it back next round. Life’s too big sometimes and you have to make the world smaller.

When you’re going up against a larger opponent you have to think smart, fight smart, figure out their weakness and exploit it. What makes Batman a fantastic character is his ability to read a situation and adapt. While he may not always win every fight, he does learn from them, he rethinks, regroups, and creates a plan. While he was grossly outgunned he managed to go head to head with Superman, and with meticulous planning, he was able to emerge victorious in the fight. You have to learn to read, adapt, change, alter, and use your opponents weaknesses against them.

The Devil searches for your weaknesses. He searches for a way in to hurt you. You can’t win against the Devil in a straight up boxing match so you have to learn to how to fight smarter. Sometimes in boxing you have to learn to take the punches, let your opponent get tired, and then move in for the kill (sort to speak). You can’t allow the Devil to pin you against the ropes. You can’t allow the Devil to get blow after blow knocking you to the matt.

You may feel small, and the world might feel too big, sometimes you just have to focus on a small detail at a time and go with it. When the sounds of the world are deafening focus on something small and soothing. When all you have is your own breath, sometimes that’s what you need to focus on. You can’t expect that every day will be a great day. We can’t expect that just because we are Christians and we believe in God that we won’t have troubles. God specifically tells us that it’s in our faith we become more of a target. We’ll always have a bulls-eye on our hearts and we need to sometimes dig deep, find something deep within ourselves that gives us the ability to fight even when we are the under dog, even when the odds are against us, and even when we are tiny in the great big world, there’s always hope.

Throughout history we’ve seen times when the little guy comes through. We’ve seen when the outnumbered are able to pull off the miracle. If King David can defeat someone full grown men, seasoned solders trembled in the sight of, then every little guy should maintain a measure of hope. The world may get you down and that’s okay, just don’t stay down, keep getting back up, and keep fighting the fight. Romans 8:31 “What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be[a] against us?”

 

 

 

 

Heart On Fire

Heart On Fire

The word kismet is a strange word is it not? In simple forms it means destiny or fate. We know that everything happens for a reason, but sometimes the reasons are more important then we could ever realize. Sometimes we meet someone and it seems like they are cut from the very same cloth as ourselves. Just because two people may be from the same cloth, doesn’t mean the timing is right for those two people. One thing I’ve been thinking about looking back is what the bible says about timing. One thing I have grown to understand is patience in laying the foundation of something important to us. Galatians 6:9 “And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.”

I’ve been watching as the tobacco fields have been plucked and loaded on trucks and taken to the possessing facilities. This year the fields didn’t go so well. The crop had a ton of water early on, and then drought set in, and then cold nights hit early. When farming there is a measure of patience, and it’s something us non-farmers have a hard time with. My biggest struggle is patience when it comes to love or matters of the heart. I’m not one to get angry easily, and I’m not one to blow my top quickly, but when it comes to love I don’t always know how and when to take a step back. 1 Corinthians 13:4 “Charity suffereth long, [and] is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,”

We must learn to have patience, Romans 8:25But if we hope for that we see not, [then] do we with patience wait for [it].” While loving the girl might be easy, knowing she doesn’t feel the same way is a struggle. Knowing that there are reasons I have to force myself to accept the reasons given, even if I don’t understand. Love is a fickle thing. Sometimes love can be there but it’s just not the right time. Romans 12:12Rejoicing in hope; patient in tribulation; continuing instant in prayer;”

 While my heart burns, longing for a special lady, the truth hits me between the eyes. What once looked like a matter of certainty, what if I was wrong? What if I didn’t see what was in front of me because I didn’t want too? Hopefully I can find it in myself to be patient, be understanding, and push forward. While I know parts of the truth, the important part is my presence is wanted even if it’s not how I would want. I think in life all we can do is take it one day at a time, and hope for the outcome we want. All we can do is pray, and pray that our prayers are answered. We never know what God has in store for us, and all we can do truly, is either complain about it, or face it head on.

While my prayers are that she comes to me when she’s ready, but if not, that someone will come into my life and I will once again have a happy family. In the mean time, I will continue to do what I feel God wants me to do, and hope for the best outcome. Who Knows, maybe I’ll enter the exciting career of vigilante.

 

 

Blind Spot

Blind Spot

For the last year I have had a blind spot when it comes to one facet of my life. I have apparently duplicated my suffering by not learning a lesson years ago. My hope has always been to see the best in people, even when the best in them has not been shown. I have put aside pain, suffering, wicked behavior, I have allowed lies to pass through my ears and still I have given the benefit of the doubt.

Over the majority of my life I have often allowed people more then one chance at my heart. In fact to be brutally honest with myself, I’ve allowed a few people more then several chances. I’ve been hurt more then my share by people I’ve continued to allow being in my life. While I would have been considered to be the one at fault for allowing someone who had a history of ‘flip flopping’ their position, yes, when it comes to love, I would say I am stubbornly blind.

While 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 speaks about what love truly is, it’s also important to know that at some point while we may love our neighbor, while we may love someone, when that person does nothing but hurt you over and over again, you must learn, like I am still trying to learn, to let them go. We must learn how to not force our will upon others, we must learn to be patient and allow God’s will to come to fruition. I don’t know what the path I’m on is meant to accomplish, but having faith in the creator of the plan, I must realize I’m just a character in someone else’s book. Like it or not I am not in control of the vast majority of what goes on within my life. All I can do is learn to react to each changing moment and try must best to be a Godly man.

While my hope for others and the ones I care about may not be the smartest thing I’ve done, I often see the worst in the world, but see the best in my love, and ignore the bad they do. I can no longer sit idly by and allow myself to be put into harms way over and over again. I have failed myself and the heartbreak I have led myself to over and over again must stop. Divorce is hard on anyone. Perhaps that this is my second divorce, and the second affair I’ve weathered, the family I lost, and the hopes I had to rebuilding it are now utterly gone. For every winter there becomes a spring, and with that spring fresh life. Sometimes in our lives we have to take the blinders off and see the world and ‘someone’ for who and what it really is. We must learn to see the world beyond our narrow view. We must learn to see people for who they are and not who we want them to be.

You either die a hero, or live long enough to see yourself become the villain.” (Dark Knight Return) While I firmly believe the idea that this may be the case, it certainly has been in my life. The hero’s in my life have become the villains in my story. (Excluding Jesus) Never forget the true hero in our life died upon the cross to save us all from a horrible forever death. While in our life we may meet police officers, firefighters, or soldiers, all of which could be considered heroes, eventually all manner of men will fail you. Sometimes in life the Devil wins and as any true strategist knows, some battles once lost cannot be salvaged. If a battle cannot be won sometimes a retreat and regroup must be made in order to win the war. Never forget the bondage of sin may have been broken, but the war is far from over. Remember to fight the good fight and win what we can. As for me, I know that no matter how dark and cold the winter is, there’s always a way to get colder, and darker. I’m not certain if my winter is over, or if the deepest winter is still coming, but either way, God will provide the path and the direction, and any and all of us can follow, when the blinders come off.

 

Forging Steel

Forging Steel

 From birth we are being taught new things, how to write, read, how to get along and play with others, share our toys, and many other various traits we learn. One of the hardest lessons is the difference between right and wrong. How hard is it to teach those lessons, and how hard is it to learn? I’m sure many of you have experienced hardships that taught valuable lessons. We learn by doing most of the time, we value experiences in our life. The phrase sometimes we have to learn the hard way is one of the truest statements we’ll ever experience first hand. We see events around us, we feel them some more deeply then others. Sometimes we are the cause and other times we are collateral damage to hard lessons. One of my favorite shows has a quote I love to use. “Living is not for the weak.” (Arrow) It takes a great deal of courage to face the cruelty of this world over and over. Some people happen to face more challenges then others. The strength to carry on is largely one of faith.

 1 Corinthians 3:11-15 11 For no one can lay a foundation other than that which is laid, which is Jesus Christ. 12 Now if anyone builds on the foundation with gold, silver, precious stones, wood, hay, straw— 13 each one’s work will become manifest, for the Day will disclose it, because it will be revealed by fire, and the fire will test what sort of work each one has done. 14 If the work that anyone has built on the foundation survives, he will receive a reward. 15 If anyone’s work is burned up, he will suffer loss, though he himself will be saved, but only as through fire.” How often is the term forging faith through fire used? Our daily lives and struggles can be considered a crucible. “Most believe there are two types of people who go into a crucible. The ones who become stronger from the experience and survive it, and the ones who die. But there’s a third type. The ones who learn to love the fire and choose to stay in their crucible because it’s easier to embrace the pain when it’s all you know anymore.” (Sabastian Blood, Arrow) How do we face our fire? How do we face our challenges? Do we allow the fire to burn us and break us down?

The thing with good and evil is a certain matter of perspective. In the best stories the villain is often considered the best villains when they are believable or when we can see their point of view. Thus just because something is used for good, or evil you cannot dictate an object. In the movie the Book Of Eli the main villain wants to use the Bible as a weapon to control the towns people. The thing about objects are it’s in the use of the owner. “One mans tool is another man’s weapon.” (Bruce Wayne, Dark Knight Rises) This perspective is interesting and put into the right context explains a good portion of the human condition. We often see things as good or evil. We often see based on perspective, such as a quote from yet another episode of Arrow. “Tot zhe molot chto drobit steklo, kuyet stal.” The same hammer that shatters glass forges steel” (Tayana, Arrow)

I would like to think that as people we could understand both sides of a conflict to better ourselves. We must learn to communicate instead of arguing. We must learn to better ourselves to minimize our judgments. As we go through our own fire, our own crucibles, we must understand that to follow Christ we must learn to allow our old selves to be burnt away, allow our sinful imperfections to be burned away and allow ourselves to follow the Lord. “It’s not enough to just feel the flame You’ve gotta burn your old self away” (Hard Love, by NEEDTOBREATHE) We live by the sword and die by the sword. We must not let the world turn us into hateful, vengeful people. We must learn to Love all, to remember not to allow ourselves to be burned by the fire, instead allow it to burn away anything and everything that isn’t used to live a Godly life. While fire can burn away a life, it can create wonderful pieces of art. A sword for instance is a beautiful creation, a hand-crafted piece of steal that is forged in fire. A sword can break under great pressure, or can withstand the persistent blows it may endure to be used in protecting ones self. Philippians 4:11-13 11 Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content. 12 I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound: every where and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. 13 I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.” In all things take comfort, and allow yourself to embrace a trial, and stand firm in the fire and allow it to burn away what is necessary to be burned away in accordance to Gods will.

 

 

 

 

 

 

OOPS

OOPS

Have you ever made a mistake, a big one that was life changing, but you didn’t know how to own up to it? The fact of the matter is, we are never going to be perfect, and sometimes we make mistakes that are so uncharacteristic the outside world is shocked at our behavior. It’s not a matter of if we make a mistake, or a big one, it’s how we own up to it. Galatians 5:5-8 “5 For every man shall bear his own burden. 6 Let him that is taught in the word communicate unto him that teacheth in all good things. 7 Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap. 8 For he that soweth to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that soweth to the Spirit shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting.” It’s important that we understand the nature of sin, and own up to it when we do.Oops3If you’re Batman, and you accidently crash your dune buggy into someone’s house, do you say oops? As a person, as a human being, we are broken into categories. We are both good and evil. Everyone has the potential for both, and every day we have the potential to make both good and bad choices. Every day we see the choices in our lives, along our path that gives us the opportunity to decide who we are. When we make a bad decision we have the choice to continue along that path or alter it for a new one.Ooops1

I think one thing above all else that’s important is your personal conscience. When we do bad things, does our conscience make us feel guilty, remorseful, or do we feel nothing for the pain and suffering we’ve caused? When we do awful things there’s only so much we can say to offer up an apology. Eventually that phrase, ‘I’m sorry’ only does so much. For me, the most important part is the action that defines us, that our heart may be deceived by the world, and the struggles to follow the right thing can only be found in the Word. It is in 2 Corinthians 1:12 that we find how to follow the right path. “For our proud confidence is this: the testimony of our conscience, that in holiness and godly sincerity, not in fleshly wisdom but in the grace of God, we have conducted ourselves in the world, and especially toward you.” Knowing we have listened to God’s word and we have followed in Christ the best we can, maybe that’s how we know the difference between good and evil, right and wrong. When we no longer see the world as these things but it just is. The world owes us nothing, people in the world make good and bad decisions and how we choose to reciprocate, or choose to treat others, thats when we are put to the ultimate test. Being judged by God for what we do, how we do it, and hopefully our trust and faith in God, having the Holy Spirit within us, allowing it to guide us, that’s when we know our conscience will tell us the difference between right and wrong.

When we feel badly for wronging others, or we feel guilty for letting those around us down because of something we’ve done, that’s when we are being convicted by the grace of God to do right, to do good things. Bad things happen in the course of a life, we are responsible for some, not responsible for others. When we believe in the Lord, when we believe in the Holy Spirit we should have empathy for those who are hurting, suffering, and we should feel no desire to do harm to others. We would feel awful for causing pain and we should try everything we can to avoid doing such pain to anyone. Remember that when we do wrong, to make action to repent for a mistake. Right your wrongs, make good on your word, and let your word be your bond.

Ephesians 4:29 “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” Our words are so very important in our lives. The words we utter should only edify. The words we share with others should be a reflection of our heart. The words we say show what’s inside us, and our word should mean and stand for something. Matthew 5:37 37 But let your communication be, Yea, yea; Nay, nay: for whatsoever is more than these cometh of evil.” Don’t let Satan stain your heart in the ways of the wicked. Don’t allow yourself to be fooled and deceived by the deceiver. Lift up your heart to the Lord above, and when you wrong, right it, when you hurt, provide healing. In every wake of your wrongdoings provide adequate to ample repentance for the wicked you cause. Stand tall and firm against injustice, especially when you may have been the one to cause it.

 

 

It Ain’t How You Hit The Mat, It’s How You Get Up

It Ain’t How You Hit The Mat, It’s How You Get Up

Sometimes in life, sometimes depending on who you are, you might feel like you’ve been hit and kicked an awful lot in your life. Someone once told me you can only get kicked so many times before you don’t want to get back up anymore. The person who told that to me means more to me then anyone else on the planet. She’s seen more then her fair share of hurt and suffering, and over the last few years she’s had way more then her fair share. It breaks my heart to see her suffering. Recently I was watching one of my favorite Netflix shows and in the show Matt Murdock and his dad are talking about his boxing career. One thing Jack Murdock was known for was how to take a punch. Is that the same for Christians? How well do we take the punch when we fall under attack by the Devils temptations? The song by Chumbawamba famous in it’s own right. Getting knocked down in life happens, but how we get back up defines us.

Tubthumper By: Chumbawamba

I get knocked down, but I get up again
You are never gonna keep me down

No matter the fight, the hits will come, and we know the greats within the Bible suffered the most. David persecuted and chased for 20 years a mark on his head bigger then the one for Han Solo. Jesus, well, we all know what happened to him. Paul, persecuted, tortured, shipwrecked, beaten, stoned twice, and he wrote some of the greatest books within the Bible. Job, well, Job had a sad story for sure, and yet he emerged victorious because of his faith to the Lord. What about our favorite comic book superhero’s? Pick the greatest of them and look into their back-story. Spiderman, lost his parents young, then his Uncle Ben was shot down on the street. His first real love, Gwen Stacy died awfully because he couldn’t save her. Batman, both parents killed as a child right in front of him. Matt Murdock, blinded as a child, and after a lifetime of training finally became Daredevil. Danny Rand, both parents killed, taken in by a bunch of hidden temple monks, beaten, and tortured as part of his training to eventually become the Iron Fist. Almost every superhero back-story will involve tons of pain and suffering.

For some people trauma can have a huge positive affect on their lives. This is of course after the trauma is faced and dealt with. In Psychology Today this is said “They found that, for many of these people, dealing with this trauma was a powerful spur for personal development. It wasn’t just a question of learning to cope with or adjust to negative situations; they actually gained some significant benefits from them. In Tedeschi and Calhoun’s terms, they experienced ‘positive life changes.’ They gained a new inner strength, and discovered skills and abilities they never knew they possessed. They became more confident and appreciative of life, particularly of the ‘small things’ that they used to take for granted. They became more compassionate for the sufferings of others, and more comfortable with intimacy, so that they had deeper and more satisfying relationships.” Some however have the opposite affect, and that they withdrawal, they become angry, they blame God, or disavow the existence of a higher power all together. The fact of the matter it doesn’t matter what the cause of the pain, it’s how we handle that will define us for the rest of the world to see. Do we want to be considered a strong, good person, or do we want to be considered weak and cruel?

 What does the bible say about getting back up? 2 Chronicles 15:7 “But as for you, be strong and do not give up, for your work will be rewarded.” The good we do in the name of the Lord through our hearts and not for adulation will be brought back to us in the grace of the Heavens and we will be blessed for it. Galatians 6:9 “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” We don’t know how long our harvest will be, how long it will take to go through the fire, but we know, we are promised by God, our sufferings are not in vein. Matthew 11:28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” When we are down and we feel like we just got the beating of a lifetime, that’s when we need to turn to God the most, that’s when we need to ask God to help us, take away the pain, help us through, because it’s in that pain that God wants us to be closer to Him, not draw back, not flee from God, but praise God, allow God to work in our lives, and show us our suffering isn’t for nothing.

No matter the pain, the hits, the suffering, the kicks, the fear, the attacks, God is always with us, we hurt, God hurts, we suffer, God suffers, and knowing our Savior is in the trenches with us fighting the fight, battaling to win the war, we can take comfort that in our greatest time of need God will provide, by gifts, but positive things, and sometimes the people put in our lives, but always in all things, God is with us, watching us, and loving us.

References:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/out-the-darkness/201111/can-suffering-make-us-stronger

No, I Don’t Wanna Do That!

No, I Don’t Wanna Do That!

Children, we are big babies a lot of the time. We are often told we need to do something and we fuss and complain about doing it. Even when it’s the right thing to do, or something we absolutely must do. How often do we throw our adult temper tantrums, or find ways to silently protest the daunting task of being an adult? (Spoiler Alert Lego Batman) I was watching Lego Batman the other day and when Alfred tells Bruce he has to go to Commissioner Gordan’s retirement party Bruce throws this huge tantrum. He grumbally says “No, I don’t wanna do that!” He throws himself to the ground, screams No over and over as he makes his way to the stairs, flops up the stairs still screaming no, then starts to beatbox and ends with a resounding NO. Alfred sweetens the honey pot and Bruce agrees to go. See God’s not that way with us most of the time. When we tell God no I see God up in the celestial heavens and says “Excuse me?” “Okay, well you want to do it your way, we’ll see about that.” I see God as having a bit of a parental sense of humor. When we don’t want to do something he lets us do things the hard way, and eventually when we get to the point of everything going wrong, he slaps us behind the head and says ‘Okay ya big dummy, you going to do it my way now?” And of course we reply “Yes God. I’m sorry.”

What happens to us when we rebel against God? Lets first look at the first to do that. Satan tried to go against God. Isaiah 14:12-15 “How art thou fallen from heaven, O Lucifer, son of the morning! [how] art thou cut down to the ground, which didst weaken the nations!13 For thou hast said in thine heart, I will ascend into heaven, I will exalt my throne above the stars of God: I will sit also upon the mount of the congregation, in the sides of the north:14 I will ascend above the heights of the clouds; I will be like the most High.15 Yet thou shalt be brought down to hell, to the sides of the pit.” Satan was created by God as one of the Angels of Heaven, Lucifer Morning Star. The desires of Lucifer to lie and scheme were what caused Him to be cast from Heaven. John 8:44 “Ye are of [your] father the devil, and the lusts of your father ye will do. He was a murderer from the beginning, and abode not in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he speaketh a lie, he speaketh of his own: for he is a liar, and the father of it.” When we choose to sin, when we choose to rebel and go against our Father we are likened to Satan. Deuteronomy 28:47-48 “Because you did not serve the Lord your God with joyfulness and gladness of heart, because of the abundance of all things, therefore you shall serve your enemies whom the Lord will send against you, in hunger and thirst, in nakedness, and lacking everything. And he will put a yoke of iron on your neck until he has destroyed you.” God can and will take from us what we no longer deserve. Truly if the good things in our lives are gifts from our Father, and we are bad, doesn’t it fit that those good things will be taken away? In fact that very things happens and can be seen in Psalm 68:6 “God settles the solitary in a home; he leads out the prisoners in prosperity, but the rebellious dwell in a parched land.”

Proverbs 17:11 “An evil man seeks only rebellion, and a cruel messenger will be sent against him.” When we continue to go against God’s wishes for us, when we choose to turn our backs on God, when we choose to want the lusts of this world, and we choose to forsake everything we know, we can and will watch as the blessings we once had in our life are thrown away and when we realize what’s happening, usually it’s too late. Only when we repent of our sins, and attempt to right our wrongs will be again be blessed and life will be made right once again. Our Father isn’t mean, and He isn’t cruel, He just wants what’s best for us.

As I watched my own life fall apart I had to ask myself and evaluate what was I doing wrong? I believe two things happened in my life. First there were a few things I wasn’t doing according to Gods will. Second other people have free will and when they choose to sin sometimes we are just collateral damage. We must be careful with whom we associate with because if we are not we too may be caught in the crossfire. Choose your friends wisely and choose who you spend your time with, with more scrutiny. Godly friends and Godly counsel are the best choices in your life. If someone isn’t giving you advice from Scripture itself, chances are it’s a worldview and not one of Godly or Divine origin. The dangers of such advice are they will often lead you astray and cause you more harm. The only advice you will ever need is that what’s in scripture. Much like the film “The Skulls” they had a book with every contingency. Well, truthfully the Bible is our big book of guidelines and rules to live by. If we just read it and study it, we’d find that nearly everything we could think of today or deal with today at the root of any problem is talked about in the Bible. There truly is nothing new under the sun.

From The Inside Out

From The Inside Out

“It’s not who we are underneath, it’s what I do that defines me. Batman Begins. I have been struggling to find my path. I’ve been trying to find my place in this world. The world is a harsh and unforgiving place sometimes. As Christians we know that the road we walk is not an easy one. We know that the path to success is not through cruelty or intimidation. We know that the ‘good guy’ doesn’t finish last because Christ just doesn’t work like that. There’s a song I’ve been listening to lately, Help Me Find It by Sidewalk Profits. I’ve been searching for my place ever since my marriage fell apart back in September. I lost so much that month to almost include my life. I felt a sense of peace and calm the months following. I knew God’s hand protected me, saved me. I knew that the Lord would light my path and everything would be taken care of. As time went on and I started a new job, started moving on with my life, it seemed that things were starting to look up. The Devil got a hold of the right people in my life and tried to once again destroy me. I watched as my life was attacked by a full frontal assault and I lost my job, and so much more. As I’ve been sitting trying to find the right path for myself, I felt the wave of anxiety flood into my mind, and I realized that it wasn’t just affecting my decision-making it was affecting everything. It changed my mood, my work ethic, and my drive to do anything other then sulk on the couch. A few days ago I was listening to the radio, KLove. I had been praying for something, anything to help me find my direction.

Help Me Find It, Sidewalk Prophets

I don’t know where to go from here
As long as I know that You are near
I’m done fighting
I’m finally letting go

 

If there’s a road I should walk
Help me find it
If I need to be still
Give me peace for the moment
Whatever Your will
Whatever Your will
Can you help me find it
Can you help me find it

 

I will wait for You
You’ve never failed before
I will wait for You

When those particular verses came up, I realized I hadn’t been making good on my promise to the Lord to give my everything and trust to God. The entire song is centered around my exact struggle. It’s funny how God has been using KLove to reach me. When the time for the next song has come up every time I’ve needed it, it’s timing has been perfect. I have realized that to find my path I needed to find calm and listen. Within a couple days I realized a potential path. I did exactly what we are taught in the Bible and I sought out Godly Counsel. It was then I realized where I needed to focus my efforts. It was amazing once I got it in my head my course seemed to clear of fog and thorns on my path. Now I’m not saying it’s clean sailing, there are particular logistics that need to be worked out, but in God all things are possible if we only believe and trust, and remain faithful.

What we do defines who we are. The content of our heart albeit good or evil can only remain hidden for so long if we hide our true intentions. They say true beauty lies within and not just on the surface. I find it truly sad to know that so many people will only judge you superficially and never give you a chance if you don’t meet the top of the attractive level. It’s a universal constant it seems. Now I’m not saying it’s not important to have an attraction to someone because sure, that’s important, but you have to be able to see more then just the surface. I think a person needs to be like an iceberg. On the surface you see only a small portion of the whole picture. I think we as Christians need to get better at looking at more then just the outside, but if we are to judge at all, judge someone by the content of their heart. If a person is going to live and love Christ we can’t underestimate the importance of that walk. You can be the most attractive woman in the world, but if you don’t follow Christ, and you are the cruelest person in the world, what difference is it that she’s pretty? The sad part about knowing someone’s heart is that it can change in an instant. Knowing the Devil is always trying to break up homes, lives, and pulls you away from God.

Don’t let yourself be pretty on the outside but black as night on the inside. Things like loyalty, honor, dignity, self-respect, love, and most of all trust and faith in the Lord, are true qualities that make you a beautiful person. Being kind and not a shallow, judgmental, liar is by far a big step in being pretty both inside and out. 1 Peter 3:3-4 “Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.” Much like God who looks at the inward heart of a man so shall we. 1 Samuel 16:7 “But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.” When we choose to love someone, or in fact judge someone we should remember that looks will fade away, but the splendor of the heart will remain. This is not just a euphemism, but instead can be pulled straight from scripture. 2 Corinthians 4:16 “So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day.”

So when you are looking for your path, trust in the Lord with your heart. Trust that when you are faithful if something is to be used to glorify God your desires will be made true. And when you desire the love of someone of the opposite sex know that the right person will come along if we are true to the glorification of Christ. Look at the big picture and don’t make worldly decisions based on worldly expectations. Find the beauty within, and trust in the Lord. As the old saying goes, “Never Judge a Book By Its Cover.”

Empty shell (Behind The Mask)

Empty shell (Behind the mask) 

I hate the way I feel, I hate the way that the world doesn’t quite seem as bright and shiny as it once used to. I hate that now I feel like something’s been taken away from me and I question if I’m ever going to get that back. I hate the way you’re happy at least on the surface. I hate what I’ve lost in myself. I hate that I’ve lost the reassurance that the world itself wasn’t such a horrible place. I hate the fact that I’m alone or at least on the surface feel alone. I hate that I feel lost. It feels like my world is crumbling around me and I hate the way I have memories for something, that I’ll never have again. I hate the feeling that I failed and I question if I’ll ever succeed again. I question how long I have to wait before my test is over. I question where I’m going to live, what I’m going do. I question the questions and if they are even appropriate to ask. What made it so bad that made it so hard to stay with me. I question what I did that was so bad that you could hurt someone to the point you’ve hurt me. I feel like you have to shell that’s been cracked and can’t be put back together again. I feel like all the joy that I had has been torn away and replaced with sadness and sorrow, shame, guilt and regret. I feel hallow like I don’t feel real. I feel like an old toy, thrown away when it’s been out grown. I feel sorrow. I feel abused.

God feels so far away. I know the teacher doesn’t interfere during the test, but I feel so abandoned. I know the faith it takes, I know the love that’s there for me, from God and from my friends but I don’t feel it right now. I poured everything I had, everything I was, but too little too late. I have been good and bad, and I know that one day this storm will pass and I will look back and know that faith got me through. Faith doesn’t mean you won’t hurt, doesn’t mean you won’t have negative feelings, it doesn’t mean you can’t and won’t be heart broken, but that when the storm comes you’re ready for it. There’s no time limit on how long you’ll be in the storm. No rules as to how much can be taken from you. No promise to an easy life. The only promise is to be loved by God, and that God will never abandon you.

John Blake: “Not a lot of people know what it feels like to be angry, in your bones. I mean, they understand, foster parents, everybody understands, for awhile. Then they want the angry little kid to do something he knows he can’t do, move on. So after awhile they stop understanding. They send the angry kid to a boys home. I figured it out too late. You gotta learn to hide the anger, practice smiling in the mirror. It’s like putting on a mask.”

2 Corinthians 4:8-11 We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; Persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed; 10 Always bearing about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life also of Jesus might be made manifest in our body. 11 For we which live are always delivered unto death for Jesus’ sake, that the life also of Jesus might be made manifest in our mortal flesh.”

 Everyday is a battle after heartbreak. Everyday is a baby step forward, and although there may be good days, excellent days, there can also be days where it feels you’ve been knocked back 10 steps. The healing process for me hasn’t been an easy one. The days that have ticked by seconds as minutes, minutes as hours, and what hours seemed like days, those are the days when the mind can play cruel tricks on you. The healing process of heartbreak, of loss, of betrayal can be helped or hindered by many factors. A healthy job, a healthy social life, and eventually a healthy dating life can all assist in the therapeutic repair. Sadly things don’t always go according to our own plan. We may not understand and can have a hard time accepting why so many things can hurt us when all we want to do is heal, move forward, feel better. The truth is, the world may judge you on how you handle a major tragedy in your life. Just as Blake stated sometimes you just have to put on that mask. The world isn’t whom you have to get to accept you, it’s Christ. When you know in your heart that even if you aren’t healing as fast or as well as your friends or family would like, are you doing everything you can to live your life according to scripture? As I never claim to be an expert, I don’t recall ever seeing anything that gives a timeline to grief, or sorrow. We may not always have the friends and family readily available as often as we’d like to spend time with, to go out with and socialize with, but what matters is when times are toughest know they are there for you.

I have been blessed with the best Church family anyone could ever ask or hope for. Through everything I’ve endured they have been there for me. They have held me when I’ve cried, picked me up when I was injured, helped me financially when I couldn’t work, and have provided the most moral, and Godly support any man could ever dream of having.

I have some of the best friends a man could hope for. They’ve rallied to my bedside when I was hurt, and have also helped me financially when times got tough. They are spread thin throughout the entire country, and although this means I don’t have a budding, effective social life to get me out of the house as much as I should, I know they are always there.

God will answer my prayers when the time is right. The time isn’t when I think it should be, but when it needs to be. Having faith that the faithful will be rewarded and blessed in this life according to our demeanor of deserving it. We cannot be given a gift we are not ready for. We cannot be given blessings we would most certainly abuse. We may not always know why we have unanswered prayers, but we must remain faithful that it’s just not according to the plan.

As empty as I have felt the last few weeks, I know that great things are coming even if I can not see them just yet. All my years in theater I understand what the crowd sees on stage is only a fraction of what’s going on during the play. The hard work, the majority of the work is being done off stage, what can’t be seen. We don’t know what God is doing behind the scenes, preparing for our futures, that’s the hard part about patience.

In short I leave you this final quote of my own making. The beauty about being an empty shell is that it means it’s completely open for it to be refilled with something new.”

Bat signal in the sky

Bat signal in the sky

How do you know Jesus is next to you? Is it the warm feeling in your heart when something special happens, when something works out despite all odds? What if you could look to the sky, and see the signal to let you know God was still watching over you, would that give you comfort? When the disciples where walking with Jesus for 3 years even after all the miracles He preformed they still doubted the true nature of who He was. Even if there was some sort of Jesus symbol in the sky just as the Bat signal didn’t stop all crime, there would still be doubters in the world.

In my life there’s been enough evidence for me to believe that Christ not only existed, but also was the Son of God. John 20:29 “Jesus saith unto him, Thomas, because thou hast seen me, thou hast believed: blessed are they that have not seen, and yet have believed.” Even Thomas who had followed for 3 years didn’t believe without actually feeling the holes in Jesus’s hands and side. If someone who lived with Jesus for that long could doubt, it’s understandable how we could doubt even today. James 1:6 “But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.” When we feel lost and feel like we cannot go on any further we must look to the sky and pray. Even if the signal in the sky isn’t there, we must know that God is always watching.

Let’s people know he’s still out there, let those who are weary know that Jesus is with them. Be there for those who need help. Take comfort in knowing that no matter the circumstances you find yourself in Christ our God is still with us. Find your own signal, find something you can grasp onto to remind yourself He’s watching. The bat signal in the sky was a way to tell Batman there was trouble, but also to remind criminals the Bat was still there. We too can find and keep our own signal. When I was in Iraq I kept a small Gideon’s Bible in the breast pocket of my uniform under my body armor. This was a constant reminder to me that God was always with me. As beat up as that bible is now I no longer carry it, but I have found other things to remind me. Now I wear a ring with the Armor of God passage. Every time I look down I am reminded of how precious my time is here, and how every step I take God is always with me. It’s not always easy to have faith, but we need to know, when we really need it God will always be there for us, because even when we don’t need His help, Gods with us. Pray earnestly always and have faith even when you cannot see.