Tag: Bad Behavior

Don’t Take The Blame

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Don’t Take The Blame

This will be a very short and sweet post. Recently I was blamed for something when all I did was express my feelings on how someone was treating me. I was blamed for their response. We do nice things for people because it’s the right thing to do. Here’s the thing though, stop doing nice things if you’re going to be used or taken for granted. You cannot help someone who doesn’t care about your effort. I’ve been known to help others at the detriment of myself, and I’ve used a considerable amount of favors and resources to help people and I have often found it’s not appreciated. I’ve put myself in harms way to help people, and later by that person, I’m ignored, berated, and blamed for caring when it wasn’t asked for.

If you’ve been in this situation I say to you, stop, stop going above and beyond to help those who don’t care. You cannot change someone’s opinion by acts of doing. You will never be able to do enough to please someone who’s obviously so displeased with themselves, or have such a low regard for other people. These people are selfish and are life’s vampires. They will suck the joy and happiness out of the world. In years past I’ve taken the blame when life blows up in my face. I took the blame for both of my ex wives affairs. I thought it was my fault, and that I should have been able to love them more, give them more, be more supportive, or more compassionate. The truth is, it wasn’t my fault. The thing that was my fault was not seeing this quality or trait earlier in the relationship. I’m not saying either of them are bad people, but they made bad choices. In the years since I haven’t learned my lesson and I still go way beyond what I should to try and make people happy. I often feel it’s my fault, and I hold the blame upon myself. I am slowly realizing I can’t do that anymore. Doing that in 2016 nearly killed me, and I have to find a way to change.

If you are like me and you’ve been in this situation, please drop to your knees and pray. Pray to the Lord to save you from yourself. Please allow the Holy Spirit to lift you up, protect you, and guide you to a healthier lifestyle. Learn from my mistakes. You will be tested enough on your own accord, and there will be enough within your own responsibility, do not add to it by blaming yourself for the actions of others. 1 Peter 4:12 “Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you.” And James 1:12 “Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him.” Only take the blame for the things you should. Be an adult and own up to your own mistakes, but only your own.

Held by a Savior

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Held by a Savior

In the last year my followers have seen that I have experienced some significant hardships, but the thing is, we all do. It’s not about the hardships, it’s about how we survive them. Everyone experiences their own trials, and their own troubles. We all have our tears that pour from our faces, and we all experience pain that while others may be able to sympathize, or empathize with us, it’s our own pain and no one knows exactly what we feel. We all have our stories that can be either inspiration as what to do, or not to. What is it to be a man? What is it to be a woman? I believe the truth is in how we handle our pain and how we endure the cross. Do we endure with dignity that would make people proud, or do we allow our lives to fall apart and crumble beneath our feet?

It’s a fine line I think between falling down, and throwing everything away. It’s okay to not be okay. I think those who actively follow a path of self-destruction are those who throw away. I think those who follow that path forgot how to live life. Life isn’t easy and it was never promised to be. Living life is knowing we have our issues, and finding ways to live our lives by embracing them and using them for the betterment of others, or learning to overcome them. I have PTSD and I am finding how to help others with it. I didn’t get here without falling down. I didn’t get to where I am today without facing down the wrong side life. We fall down and we get back up. We fall down and we have a choice, do we learn to ask for help, or do we try it our way? I don’t mean help by way of friends, family or professional help. I mean God. We are always going to be stumbling through life. We are always going to have one crisis after another, and every time we stumble or fall, we have an opportunity to learn how to ask God for help. True healing, true redemption is through Christ. The blood spilt on Calvary’s cross that day broke the bondage of slaves to sin, for a life free and full of choice to live in the light of Christ, or the shadows of the Devil.

Bad things happen to everyone, but we can choose to overcome. PTSD doesn’t define me, anxiety doesn’t define me, and no matter how much it hurts my childhood, and my divorces don’t’ define me. I didn’t ask for this life of pain and suffering, but here we are. I’m not perfect and I’ve made plenty of mistakes. I have not always held my tongue when I should have. I haven’t always said the nicest of words to my loved ones, but I try hard to be a man God would be proud of. I know my Savior is Christ, and I know that in his blood my mistakes are washed clean. I know that I will fall and make mistakes, but I know in God’s eyes my mistakes aren’t going to condemn me forever. We as a people should learn not to judge so quickly. We should learn to see the mistakes and keep an open mind. We are all human and we all screw up. Instead of a life of judgment, of ridicule, open your heart with love, and see through the eyes beyond the cover.

We have so many blessing in our life and we often overlook them in our waking moments. The gift of life, the breath we take and the days we have are the biggest blessing we take for granted. The poorest of the poor in this nation often have far more then those of other poor nations. We have food, and shelter, and we have people in our lives that care for us. As for me, I have more money then I need, maybe not as much as I want, but needs and wants are very different. I have my dogs, my mother, and I have a warm bed to sleep in. I have my car, and I am debt free. I don’t struggle with bills, and I don’t have to worry where my next meal is coming from. I have friends that care about me, and are there for me when I need them. I know that no matter how dark the darkest day, how deep my pain runs, and I know that no matter how bruised and bettered I become, Jesus is still right there going through it all with me. Jesus is my faithful friend, and the Abba of all is by my side.

I know this year’s been hard, and that I have posted about a lot of hardships and pain, but isn’t that what life is? It’s not about the hardships we endure; it’s how we endure them. Pain comes and when it does we are expected to use the sandals and dig in and hold our ground. Expressing hardships isn’t a sign of weakness or even a sign of complaining (in some cases) it’s about how we can find our strength to persevere in Christ our Savior. We know some days will be great, and others will bring more pain then we think we can handle. We will see the peace of the meadow, and we will face the valley of death, but no matter what our day is, we know one thing is absolutely certain, Christ our Savior is always with us. Psalm 23 “The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.”

Remember one thing if nothing else; we are never alone and we never know when our testimony will save someone else. We never know whom we may meet, and how we may affect their life. Let me help you if I can, let me be there for you if you need it. My email is always open if you need to talk about God. We are called to lean on one another and help lift each other up. We are called to bare one another’s burdens and use our tongue to lift up and never to tear down. We always have the opportunity to help our neighbors and I promise you, you don’t have to look far to find someone in need of love. Our world is a fallen one, shrouded in sin and pain. It’s the love we are taught to give that is our hope. We are told to Love as Christ Loved us, and we are told to do this to all of our neighbors, not just the ones we like. We cannot surly do this on our own and we were never expected to. We are taught to turn to one another, turn to God. We know that without Christ we are nothing and without the grace of God we cannot surely do anything. I know that today, yesterday, and tomorrow I’ve always needed my Lord. I am not strong enough alone. I am not brave enough on my own. I know that I didn’t survive Iraq without God’s protecting hands. I know the literal circle of protection surrounding my truck that day was nothing short of a miracle. I know when I was shot that without God’s grace I surly would have died. I know that I have needed God and I always will. The Lord is my Sheppard, my strength, my savior, and I know when I cannot stand I fall on the Lord. Jesus is the only hope I will ever truly need, and as my needs arise, I trust the Lord will provide, and provide always.

 

The Purge

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The Purge

Job 2:11 “Now when Job’s three friends heard of all this evil that was come upon him, they came every one from his own place; Eliphaz the Temanite, and Bildad the Shuhite, and Zophar the Naamathite: for they had made an appointment together to come to mourn with him and to comfort him.” They spoke out against him instead of offering comfort. While they never left Job they certainly weren’t the friends he needed in his time of sorrow and suffering. God would rebuke his friends for their handling of their good friends unfortunate situation.

What about when friends just up and leave? John 6:66 “From that time many of his disciples went back, and walked no more with him.” Jesus Christ had friends, followers that left him when he said something they didn’t like. When Christ told them the only way to the Father was through Christ, they ask no questions; they turn their backs and never returned. Later Jesus would be betrayed by Judas and sold him out to the Sanhedrin.

In the last year I’ve seen a major exodus from my life, friends that I never thought I’d loose, but many have walked away never to return. I’ve had friends blame me for my troubles, and I’ve had friends leave without a single word. It’s hard watching a purge like that in your life, but the truth is, in order for the forest to grow back greener, fuller, more beautiful then ever, sometimes purging fire is needed. This isn’t without sorrow and pain, but the truth is, sometimes the purge is exactly what’s needed.

Jesus knew many would flee from him because of what he was teaching. He taught regardless of the cost because what was needed is always necessary. The truth may not be popular but that doesn’t mean it isn’t true. It’s better to loose to truth, then to have in the lie. It’s better to have very little, but be blessed in quality, then to have plenty and be worth very little. No one wants to live in solitude, but sometimes we need to see the world through a different set of eyes. No one wants to be alone, but it’s better to be alone then to be with people who care nothing for you.

Would you stand with the crowd preaching lies, or stand alone on the truth? God’s word will stand against the raging tie because it’s the truth. Luke 13:24 “Strive to enter through the narrow door. For many, I tell you, will seek to enter and will not be able.” God’s word is the truth, and Christians will be persecuted through time and till the very end. You will loose friends, and you will watch as the world turns from you. It can be heart breaking watching close friends leave you, and it will hurt your feelings, but the truth is, if it’s so fragile that friends would leave for any number of reasons, the friendships weren’t that strong to begin with. As you walk in Christ you will find new friends, and hopefully one day a partner to worship along side. There’s more in life then we could ever see and we must have faith and trust in the Lord that brighter days are just around the corner. We never know how long the storm will last, but we know that one day the storm will end and the light from Heavens gate will shine the way home. When we go home this life and the friends we had, the friends we lost, none of it will matter. Have faith in the plan unseen, and even when you’re on your knees praying for relief, trust it will come. Never loose sight of the big picture and my prayers are with you, those who’ve lost friends. Those who have followed in the footsteps of Job, and those who’ve lost friends like Jesus. Remember the purge of old makes room for the new. Embrace the new as it comes. It will be different, and it might be hard, but change isn’t always bad. The change of your heart when you accept Christ will be foreign to many, and you won’t be recognizable anymore. Allow the old to burn away, and watch the beauty of the new budding relationships. Just have patience and breath. Trust always, and move forward.

 

 

 

Not Alone

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Not Alone

Does it bother you when someone tells you you’re not alone? Does it bother you when you sit at home and wait for the phone to ring but never does? Does it bother you when you feel the only way people talk to you is because you talk first? Does it bother you when it doesn’t seem like there’s any conversation left between you and your friends? How often are you sitting at home waiting for anything to happen in your life?

If you’ve asked yourself any of these questions, you’re not the only one. I’ve struggled with these very same questions, and I have even seen it go a little further. My job, the people that are supposed to be there to help you won’t even call me back. It’s not because I’m a bad officer, I’m not, in fact I’m a decorated officer. I think the key to anyone being happy is realizing the world isn’t a fair place. You won’t get a fair chance, you won’t get what you want half the time, and people are generally just as bad. It’s a difficult place to be when you’re the one waiting for your phone to ring. When you question if you’ve made any difference in anyone’s life. I ask myself that very question fairly often. As I have sat waiting for my messenger to ding, or my phone to ring, I have questioned if anyone would miss me if I were gone. When you leave a job and no one misses you. When you stop being the first one to text and realize the only reason you talked every day was because of you. This realization is of course sad, and potentially heart breaking, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t true.

No matter what your currently loneliness looks like, we al must come to the conclusion that while yes in this life you may not have as many people in your life as you’d like, the fact is there are more people that care about you then you realize, they just can’t talk as much as they would like. It’s not an easy task weeding out those who are just there, and those who actually care. I’ve had my fair share of fair weather friends, but trust me when I say, when the going gets tough you will have at least a couple people there for you. I know for a fact I have a few friends that have bailed me out when bad things have happened to me. Those friends aren’t going anywhere, and even when I don’t see them often, they are still around.

I think where the line gets burry is when we don’t have many people to talk to. I think there’s a distinct difference between care, and communicate. The age of communication is over. People today don’t know how to make conversation. We are quickly becoming a society of introverts. We went from texting over talking, and from there we went from texting to Facebook messenger, to now people only share funny gifs, or meme’s. The age of talking seems to have died, and with it the care to actually get to know anyone, or getting past the surface fluff.

It’s a dark place out there and in the world, and sadly most people are lonely. Most people are seeking for a connection and that connection sadly is more and more difficult to come by. Yes you probably are alone in the way that you live a meager solitary life. You probably only have a few people to talk to, and sometimes none at all. If you’re anything like me most of my friends have abandoned ship this last year and in doing so revealing the fair weather friends and weeding through them. Those left are the ones I know I can count on, and having friends that I can count on is more important then meager chitchat.

When you dig deeper and you scrape away all the nonsense the gold is really buried under the trash. You truly aren’t alone because God will never leave or forsake you. Hebrews 13:5 “Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” God’s love for you is eternal. God will always walk with you no matter what season you’re in. Some times the teacher must let the student take the test alone, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t in the room. God wants what’s best for us and even when things go badly we must understand that there will always be tests, and there will always be sin mixed in with free will. Other people will do you wrong, and other people will try to ruin things for you. We are sometimes our own worst enemy and we must learn to overcome. While some days loneliness will feel so heavy you can’t seem to move, but trust me when I say, the Holy Spirit is always with you. Joshua 1:9 “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”

We stray away and we forget but no matter how far we go we know that the love of our Abba (Father) will be with us no matter how far we fall, or how deeply we fail. A father’s love is something one can never under estimate. Our Father told us all we’d ever need to know when he sent his only Son to be born, live, grow, and suffer and die for our very sins. To be forgiven no matter what we do if we seek the forgiveness and ask for our chance to be redeemed.

Love without End, Amen

Let me tell you a secret about a father’s love
A secret that my daddy said was just between us
He said daddies don’t just love their children every now and then
It’s a love without end, amen

 We may not see the world as it is, but only our small piece of it. It’s hard not having someone to talk to when you feel alone, but if you look hard enough you will find. Pray from the depths of your heart and your needs will be met. Don’t get lost in the forest of lies and don’t let the Devil win. You matter and your contributions to this world matter. Don’t rest your self worth on others, instead allow yourself to see that your self worth is held by our Father. The creator of all things made you and there’s a reason, a purpose for it. We may not always understand or see, but pray for a moment to see the way God see’s. Everything will be alright and just keep the faith. You haven’t failed, people have failed you. Remember that the next time you feel alone in your room. Jesus a master of the universe, the true King, knowing and understanding the secrets of the universe, had to walk every day with by his point of view simpletons that wouldn’t ever truly understand what he knew. Having the comfort that the Father was watching over Him every day is peace of mind you can’t buy. Never give up on yourself because you have so much to live for, so much to do. Find your mission, your purpose and God will help you along the way.

 

 

Lego Therapy

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Lego Therapy

Some days are harder then others. For whatever reason we as people have different ways of handling stress, or negative emotions. Some people turn to liquor, some turn to being workaholics, some turn to gambling, or drugs, and while some things are absolutely okay in moderation, some things are not. I’ve known people who’ve turned to drugs, and I’ve known people who’ve turned to sex to hide the pain they are in. I’ve known others who have gotten so involved with work that they no longer make time for anyone or anything else in their life. Obviously some of these are better then drugs, and others in some ways are just as bad.

Last year when I was going through some of the worst emotions I’d ever faced in my life, I found poor relief in alcohol and Ambien. At night when work was over, or even on my days off before I’d go to bed, I would mix the two and would proceed to black out for hours. I wouldn’t remember anything from the night before. I’d wake up in the morning and find I would record myself talking incoherently, sending gibberish texts, and sadly making everything public on Facebook. Obviously in a time of crisis my decisions were less then desirable. I made poor life choices for about 3 months. Eventually my situation would escalate to a boiling point and things would get worse.

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Now, when I’m in high stress times, or feeling depressed I turn to Lego’s. For one person I know, she colors to help her relax and face stress. Now when I have a hard day, or I just need to have a distraction for a couple hours I get a new set, and I build. I put in a movie, and I start building. For me it gives me a chance to clear my mind, and focus on a goal. I have found that even a short term, but a very achievable goal helps me to let go of the things that are bothering me. It releases the stress to see what I can do, what I can create with my own hands. I think it’s important for all of us to find something. There are always productive, healthy ways to handle stress, to handle the worries of the world.

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Finding peace in troubled times can be difficult. Finding comfort in ways that are healthy can be even more troublesome. We often desire things with our hearts that are just out of reach. We allow emotions like pain, and guilt and shame to be the driving force of our decisions and we can easily be led astray in the midst of what can only be described as spiritual warfare. We cannot hope to win the war if we don’t understand how to rest and reset ourselves when we can. James 1:2-4 “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” We know that Jesus is the one true way, and when we are able to rest our minds, our bodies, and our souls from the weary days, we can follow the words in Luke 21:19 “Stand firm, and you will win life.” The war is never an easy place to be, but war isn’t easy. Those who are faithful, who are living the life, are always going to be the ones targeted most. This isn’t to say others won’t endure hardships also, but the ones who have Jesus in their heart will be targets for the Devil and the temptations of the flesh start. Psalm 94:19 “When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy.”

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War is Hell, and enduring the pull to the dark side is tough. The power of flesh is strong, and the desires we often hide deep down can surface. Know though, that we are all human and we all make mistakes. I have found new ways to deal with my stress, deal with my pain that led me so far astray, but damage was done. I can only hope that in my day-to-day life now, those mistakes of the past aren’t how I’m defined forever. In our pursuit to find our way we will follow the wrong path and find comfort in all the wrong places. No one wants mistakes to be how they are defined or seen, so we must learn to forgive. We must trust those around us who mean for us to be happy, and healthy and safe. Have faith in the Godly council, and have faith that God will give us what we need, when we need it. That includes people in our lives, the tools we need to succeed, and eventually flourish. We just need to be able to move day to day, and come what may. Find ways to handle stress that is productive and doesn’t harm yourself or others. Find the courage to resist what you must, and embrace what you should.

 

Be the Hero

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Be the Hero

God is King and as king He needs warriors to fight the forces of darkness. As King the wishes of a king are not requests, but a call to serve. To honor your king and to be obedient you are to serve to the best of your ability. God has endowed each and every one of us with a gift, something that makes us stand out, unique, and something that we are capable of beyond those around us. A hero doesn’t have to wear a cape, but if we are soldiers for Christ our capes may not be seen by us, but they are there. A hero can be anyone who endures, who puts on the brave face every day.

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“What is it to be a hero, look in the mirror and you’ll know. Look into your own eyes and tell me you’re not heroic, that you’ve not endured, or suffered, or lost the things you care about most. And yet here you are….” (Karen Page/ Daredevil)

In this world cowards don’t last long. In this world, some ‘bloody their fists’ (DD) to keep the world safe, some write, some talk, and others remain in the shadows but without them, the ones in the light couldn’t do what they do. Without the every day service and sacrifice of so many people within our church, from those who take out the trash, to the ones in the pulpit, no matter who you are, your service counts. Each and every one of us has the opportunity to spread the Gospel every day. We don’t have to be literary experts to talk about Jesus Christ and what affect Christ has had on our lives.

It doesn’t matter how far you’ve gone down the wrong path, you can turn around any time, and Jesus will be right there waiting for you. You all probably know someone whose just one step away from turning around. How many lives can one person save in eternity by sharing the gospel to friends, coworkers, and even random strangers at times? We all have the ability to be heroes for Christ. When we lay down our old chain and we take up a new name in Christ, we are given the power, the grace, the courage when we need it to look at Satan in the face and laugh. We don’t have to fear the Devil and his lies. We don’t have to fear the persecution of our peers because no matter what happens in this life, we are given the promise of forever. No matter the day, the month, the year you’ve had, good, or bad, the Lord is still working to bless you. “Living is not for the weak” (Arrow) As long as you walk this earth you are not done fighting.

Everyone in this world makes a difference in their own way. Everyone’s contributions to the Lord will never go unnoticed. While man may not see it, or even appreciate it, the Lord is the one opinion that matters. If you live your entire life and you’ve lived with Christ, if you’ve breathed the Holy Spirit, if you’ve suffered the cross, and if you’ve cried to God that you need saving deep down in your soul, you have been broken the chains of death. The weak, the small, the big and the tall, Jesus calls to all.

Look in the mirror and tell me you haven’t endured. Look in the mirror and tell me you haven’t survived this far. No matter what you’ve been through you made it. You’ve overcome hardships, and pain, and while those scars will forever be with you, tomorrow the pain will be a little less. No one, and nothing can ever make the scars go away, but in some way you can use those scars. God doesn’t let anything go to waist. You have been given life, given the breath and the strength to carry on through whatever you’ve made it through.

I’ve seen friends die, and I’ve seen friends fall. I’ve seen friends get lost, and ones who’ve found the way. I’ve seen friends suffer through loss, and rape, and those who’ve faced death. There’s one thing they all have in common, they all woke up this morning. When you have the strength to get up and step back into the world for another day there’s always hope because God is still working on whatever pain you have. You’re stronger then you know because God is still standing with you. When you hurt God hurts, and when you cry God cries. Heroes stand tall and sometimes they fall, but no matter what, a hero never stops fighting the fight. Your heart may be broken, your bones may fail you, and your heart may often heavy as bricks but your life is worth more to God then you can ever know.

I’ve been taken to the woodshed by life more then once. I’ve faced death and I’ve faced loss. I have seen the Devil, I have seen war, I have experienced the worst kinds of loss, and yet here I am. I have sinned, I have made mistakes, I have hurt people I love, and I have been in my own purgatory of my mind, and yet, here I am. God has forgiven, and strengthened me. If you can stand you can fight. If you can see you can fight. If you can hear you can fight. Stand for the Lord and you can hold your head high. If you can see God in your heart then you can hold true when the Devil attacks your heart. If you can hear the Angels calls you can drown out the whispers and lies of Satan. Philippians 4:13 “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.”

 When the skies fall down around you, when the world you know it is gone, remember that you are still breathing. No matter the storm, or the fight that may lie ahead, the King of all is still in control. If you’re still breathing there’s always hope. Faith is hard, but to trust in the Lord is sometimes all we have left. Let God be in control of your life. Let God be the star in which you guide your ship. Those who stand to fight along side Christ are the heroes of today, like the heroes of old we are in heavenly company. Like Moses, and David, Joseph, and Esther, the Apostils and Job, Daniel, and Stephen, we serve the Lord with our hearts, and we will one day walk with angelic company.

We all have the capacity for both great good, or terrible evil. We all have a choice who we are, and how we live, so if you had to make a choice, and you do, what side are you on? Be a hero for Christ. Look in the mirror and be the change. Let go of the selfish love, let go of the hate, the doubt, and with the Armor of God, don the heroes cape and join the greats of the bible. “Start with the man in the mirror… If you wanna make the world a better place, take a look at yourself and make that change.”(Michael Jackson)

 Let the regret and worries of this year pass away. Let them fade from memory and remain in the present, and prepare for the future. Let God be in control and “Lead us not into temptation, and deliver us from evil.”

 

The Cold Chill

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The Cold Chill

The weather outside is frightful, the cold frigged air has settled in, and the heavy coats and hats have come out of storage. The high today is less then 30*, the low is around 10*. What if the weather isn’t the only thing cold these days?

Have you ever felt as if you were getting the cold shoulder from someone? What about God, have you ever felt you’ve been getting the cold shoulder from God? We will look at scripture and deal with the cold shoulders from friends.

When God is silent there is a reason. In some situations God will allow us to run the course we’ve set. He will give us the chance to come back to Him on our own, and of our own free will. Isaiah 57:11 “Of whom were you worried and fearful When you lied, and did not remember Me Nor give Me a thought? Was I not silent even for a long time So you do not fear Me? When we sin and we sin often with no repercussions we become complacent to the words of the Lord. We fear nothing, and we fear no one. The problem is “The bill comes due… Always.” (Dr. Strange) No matter how long we keep the tab open, eventually we need to close out. God will allow us to rack up the tab without interference. Psalm 50:21 “These things you have done, and I have been silent; you thought that I[c] was one like yourself. But now I rebuke you and lay the charge before you.”

God even silent is always with us. God will never forsake you, and he will never abandon you. God is not like man, whereas man will leave you, forsake you, lie to you, cheat you, and hurt you, God will always love you. No matter what you may be going through, if it’s of your own doing, or someone else’s, God is always with you. It may be hard to stomach when friends fail you. It’s hard to know that maybe your friends don’t reciprocate the same feelings. It’s hard to realize you may feel more strongly about your friends then they do towards you. You won’t always feel the same about people that they do you. Our lives may lead us to feel more deeply for our friendships for one reason or another. Yes it is hard when you go day after day and your friends don’t reach out to you. It’s hard to be on your own. It’s hard to feel like you have no one to turn to, to spend time with, but know that while that may be the case, God is always with you.

You may be alone on this world today, but we never know what we will have tomorrow. It’s not easy to live feeling alone. Loneliness is a dangerous feeling. These feelings can spawn questions of your hope, but you need to resist the lies of the deceiver. When you’re feeling alone, and feeling down, you need to ask God for guidance. You need to get up and get out, finding your new place in this world. The struggles we face may be hard in the moment, but we have to keep pushing forward.

 

The Absolution

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The Absolution

A year without many positive changes, the drowning above the land, and the wandering soul that hasn’t found a path, and it all boils down to absolution. Could this year of pain, of aimlessness be a year of punishment for wrong doings? I have thought long and hard about how it is I’m feeling, and as I have come to a point in my life, I know in my heart this feels right. Isaiah 24 speaks of God’s wrath and punishment towards Israel. God is the Abba and we are the children. When children make mistakes we can expect punishment. This is out of love not hate, not spite, but the need to show children the error of their ways. For our actions we will always reap what we sow. Galatians 6:7-10 Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap. 8 For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life.9 And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up. 10 So then, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to those who are of the household of faith. When we are sent to the corner to think about what we’ve done we need to reflect on the reason for the punishment. We cannot hope to move forward unless we learn our lesson, lest we be punished again, or continued. Galatians 6:1-2 Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted. Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.

 It’s important to remember that God isn’t spiting you, but it’s a punishment for wrong doings. The key is though, did you do something wrong to earn that punishment. It’s one thing to be caught up in the idea of punishing for wrong doing, it’s another entirely to understand people sin every day and sometimes you’re caught in the middle, that doesn’t place blame upon yourself. In the movie Miracles from Heaven the mother is told her daughter’s condition is a result in the mother and fathers sin. This is of course absolutely not the case, and in no way is scriptural. Sometimes bad things just happen. Sometimes we are going off track and we need to be nudged back on. Sometimes God’s plan is bigger then we can ever know. How events are used in our life may not seem fair to us, it may not even feel just, but we are told in scripture that in this life as a Christian we will suffer, but we are also promised the greatest tomorrow we could ever hope for.

It’s never easy to stomach the lessons we sometimes have to face. We want life to go smoothly, and we want to avoid the pain and suffering that comes hand in hand with life. While I may be, undergoing punishment for my actions, I know one day God will end my suffering, and move me to a new chapter in my life. In the mean time I sit with my nose against the wall (sort to speak), and I seek redemption and penance for my mistakes. Continue to do God’s work, and find how you can serve. In every situation there are opportunities to serve the great I AM, and when we serve we may find what we were looking for all along.

 

 

The Will to Live

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The Will to Live

The bullet goes through him and bounces around on the inside. He looks at death and stands face to face. The world is a dark place full of scary monsters that always want to get you down. Life isn’t usually fair, and it’s not nice, but life isn’t about the lollipops and 24/7 fun. Life is about growth, and to grow you should expect failure. “The greatest teacher, failure is.” (Yoda) This isn’t just some Hollywood magic, but scripture brought to the big screen. Romans 5:3-5 “More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.” We fall so we can learn to get back up. We fail so we can learn to succeed. We crumble so we can reach towards God and ask for the strength to carry on. We look to God for answers when we don’t understand. We draw strength through our faith in the Lord above.

We sometimes find ourselves just floating in the ocean, not swimming, not going anywhere, but we aren’t truly living our lives if we’re standing still. We have to find a way to push through the glass. “Forward… Always… Always… Forward” (Luke Cage) We are often like an old record with a scratch in it, we just loop the same few seconds over and over in our lives. Traumas can do that to a person. We live, we wake up every day, but what do we do with it? In 1 Peter 5:10 “And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.” When we suffer we don’t want to stay in our suffering, but sometimes something gets broken. It’s difficult to repair the damage sometimes. Sometimes we don’t know how, and we try to fix it all by ourselves. The thing is, we aren’t alone, we don’t have to do it by ourselves. The problem is when we run from the pain instead of embracing it and learning to live with the pain by being in control of it, instead of letting it control us. John 16:33 “I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”

When we don’t know how to do something we learn, we teach ourselves, or we are taught. We move through life learning new things, often every single day. If we have done had to do something how are we expected to know what to do or how? Many people consider therapy to be a sign of weakness, but I challenge that notion. When we struggle with trauma, or something incredibly hurtful, we don’t know how to handle it. We suffer through it and it often damages aspects of our day-to-day life. We push those we love away, our job performance suffers, we recluse yourself and struggle to find the balance needed to be productive, and healthy. Romans 8:18 “For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us.” I would say that those who turn to cutting, suicide, or substance abuse forgot long ago how to reach out. Are we reaching for the Lord in our time of sorrow? Are we reaching to people who can help us? Sometimes in our own suffering we can’t see through the fog of life. “Living is not for the weak.” (Arrow)

2 Corinthians 4:8-10 “We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies.” Using the tools we have by finding people in life who are willing to help us is part of living. Again we aren’t always taught how to do something, and that isn’t just exclusive to fixing cars, dry walling a house, or dealing with extreme physiological stresses. Don’t suffer alone, because you aren’t. God will always give you someone to turn to, someone to help you, even if you must find it in the most unlikely of places. The shadow’s of doubt and dismay may lurk behind every angle but when you look to the snow, you won’t see anything but your own footprints. While the Devil is nipping at your heals trying to bury you in the ice, God’s Angels are always there watching over you. You only say the word and you putting your faith in the Lord you will be renewed and strengthened. Psalm 91:2-4 “I will say of the LORD, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in him will I trust. Surely he shall deliver thee from the snare of the fowler, and from the noisome pestilence. He shall cover thee with his feathers, and under his wings shalt thou trust: his truth shall be thy shield and buckler.”

 

The Separate Path

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The Separate Path

We found one another and fell in love. We grew together and a life we made. The life we made was a house of cards, the wind came and it blew it down. Now looking at the wake of devastation, I watched in horror as the world didn’t make sense anymore. The tsunami that tore down everything in its path, it was a nightmare come to life. The blast from the atomic blast blinded me and left me helpless as I stood there frozen within my own mind. My body moved but my mind was trapped in a prison unable to escape. Failure was imminent and nothing would be able to stop the flood from coming.

Journey’s song Separate Ways sums up the last year pretty well for me. Having faith in the plan that isn’t my own is perhaps the hardest thing I’ve done. The horrible things we survive can either destroy us or it can propel us forward. When something happens to us in the past how does it affect us in the present? The nightmare that is left behind can play at any time during the day, find us in our sleep, and haunt us. But what if the demons of the past could be controlled? What if we could tame the beast and learn how to no longer allow it to control us? There may be hope if we but turn on the light to see in the dark.

Someone once asked me why I believed in God with so much pain and horrible things in this world. If God was so good then why are babies killed, why do innocent people get hurt? The answer is very simple. Free Will. Free will gives people the choice to decide their own path. We choose who we become friends with, and we choose the way we handle each and every event that comes to our life. Sometimes we make great choices, and other times we make choices that are self destructive. Sometimes our path’s are determined by the subconscious mind that wants what we know we shouldn’t have, but follow it anyway. Other people free will can harm people as innocent bystanders or out of cruelty or malice. God can interfere and sometimes does, but to put a stopper on free will in a fallen world of Sin would defeat the purpose of wanting His children to come to him freely. While miracles do happen, and God can play on someone’s heart, bad things are bound to happen.

I myself have been taken to the woodshed a few times. I’ve suffered at the hands of others, and I have caused suffering when I didn’t mean too. I’ve been brought to my knees and I’ve watched the world crumble and make no sense to what is up or down. While I’ve lost sight of the truth from time to time I always find my way back to the path. The Devil has tried to take me out of the game, to remove me from the board, but God’s plan for me is not yet finished. I can never apologize enough for the pain I have caused, and I can’t ever make it right. All I can do is try to atone for my mistakes. All I can do is ask for forgiveness and hope I get it. All I can do is try to make sure it never happens again and raise awareness for the perfect storm that hit me. While my path has diverged from that of those I love the most deeply in this life, I know that my love is not confined to my little part of this world, but that they know how I feel. I can never undo the past, but as I have fought to survive this last year, I keep in mind, there’s a reason to the pain. There’s a reason for the separate ways in my life, and I thank God for the blessings I do have.

Even though you’re gone I love you. Even though the end came I still care. God doesn’t abandon his Children. God never stops loving, and thus nor will I. Love in the deepest meaning of the word doesn’t die. Love always remains, and one-day love will concur all. Love isn’t weak; it’s the strongest thing in the universe. God will always provide, and even when we walk away from the path God will go off road with us. He may not approve of our choices, but he will always want us to come back. Faith in the truth, faith in the light, and the rest comes when you get your hands dirty with hard work. We may not think we’re strong enough, but when our strength runs low, we lift our eyes, and hands to the Lord and ask for help. We have faith that our needs will be provided for and in our hour of need, God will always provide. He provides every minute of every day, even if we don’t see the working of the little stuff. We don’t have to be strong enough, we just have to have faith. We can be broken, we can be lost, we can be afraid, but in God all things will be made right, and we can do all things because in Christ we are given strength, courage, love. Don’t loose sight of what’s important, and more importantly who. We only get a few people in our life that stay and make big impacts, don’t forget their face, don’t forget their name. Love can overcome anything. God’s love for us and the blood of our Savior shed for us was done in love freeing us from our eternal death, so if we could just love more like God, wouldn’t we be able to be happier too? Perhaps this Christmas you can start to love a little deeper.