afraid – The Arrow Preacher

I’m Afraid

I’m afraid of what tomorrow will bring. I’m afraid of my failures, and I’m afraid of my future. I’m afraid I will not be loved again, and that I will not obtain my desires of a family. I’m afraid I will fail in my goal to finish college. I’m afraid of being alone, and never getting out on my own. The failures in my past ring loudly in my ears. My wheels spinning in the mud, unable to get traction I feel stuck. I feel as if I’ve become paralyzed by the fear in my life. I feel my failures mounting higher and higher and I feel as if I’ve lost so much and I’ve fallen so far, I often question if I can ever get back what I’ve lost. More then getting back what I lost, I question if I deserve to get back what I’ve lost.

Fear is a normal, it often protects us from harm, but fear can also be used as a weapon. I don’t feel like I am good enough most days. I am trapped in my memories of what I’ve lost. I’m trapped and I know fear is holding me back robbing me of my tomorrow. Tomorrow seams so far and in my mind it’s a monster, filled with rows of teeth, claws and a bark that shakes my very core. Can I go through that kind of pain again? Can I open myself up and take a chance like that again? With the fear flooding my emotions, I feel paralyzed most days. I want to stay in the house, I want to run and hide away from the world ashamed of my very public failure. How can anyone ever love me after the last two years? The truth will set you free, if you only choose to believe in it. The world is a cruel and sometimes unforgiving place. The whole of our society is determined to beat you to the ground. Fear as I mentioned can be a good thing, but when you’re afraid like that, it’s the Devil trying to keep you down. When you feel the fear building, Psalms 34:4 “I sought the LORD, and he heard me, and delivered me from all my fears.” Fear is a weapon of the Devil to keep you subdued, to keep you from the grace of the father. Proverbs 29:25 “The fear of man bringeth a snare: but whoso putteth his trust in the LORD shall be safe.”

Though I am afraid I must not let fear control me. I must continue to fight the Devil and not fall to his flaming arrows. I must fight back and harden my mind against his attacks. The fear I have stays with me, but I fight the good fight every day. Psalm 23 “The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. 2 He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. 3 He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. 4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. 5 Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. 6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.”

Fear has often been a challenge for me. Ever since I was young I always felt as if I wasn’t good enough. That my physical looks weren’t good enough for people. The bullying I faced as a child was ruthless and left me damaged. The losses as an adult amplified those feelings of inadequacy and I have been an easy target for the Devil. My faith has kept strong, and as I continue to move forward, I often hear the whispers from the darkness calling my name. I was shattered, a thousand pieces, broken down and bleeding on the floor. I’ve been gluing the pieces back together, but the heart still hurts.

When I close my eyes I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders. I find myself thinking of the songs that have touched my heart. The healing power of music, it fills my heart and reminds me of the Lord and savior who’s always with me. I pray to God to take away my pain, who gives me my joy, and protects me when I cry. The storm comes to everyone, no matter who you are. All we can do is trust in the Lord to see us through. We are held by a Savior, and we have to have faith in our foundation that can’t be shaken. We can all thank God that our yesterday’s gone, and looking forward to tomorrow, we don’t have to go backwards. Praise God in the storm, and know that wherever you were yesterday, tomorrow is a choice. When we are broken down, when we are shattered on the floor, let the healing hand of God put us back together. Put your prayers to work, and put your boots on the floor and start walking. We’ve been washed by the blood and we are made new, we can stand up and watch the fear be washed away. 2 Corinthians 7:1 “Since we have these promises, beloved, let us cleanse ourselves from every defilement of body and spirit, bringing holiness to completion in the fear of God.” If we try to walk this world alone, and we find our self tired of being solo, it’s time to put our faith in God and trust that God’s in control not the Devil. If we remember who’s on the throne and remember that nothing that happens to us in this world can take our salvation from us the rest is just fluff.

Our own fears although they may be very real, are something for us to control and concur. Fear as I said can be a great tool to warn us of danger, to keep us pushing forward when we need to. We can’t allow fear to run our life. We must stand tall on God’s word and fight the fear that floods our hearts. While I fight my own fear, and my own negative judgments of myself, I know the journey isn’t one to be finished overnight. I know that the road is long, and it’s hard. Colossians 1:11-12 “11 being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, 12 and giving joyful thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of his holy people in the kingdom of light.” In the darkest of nights, the fiercest of storms, when it seems like you’ll never see the dawn of another day, just when you think you can’t take another step, the Lord will pick you up and keep you safe. Trust in the Lord and remember, you’re child of the one true King. You’re special in the eyes of the one who created you, and you will inherit the kingdom of Heaven. We have already defeated death, all we have to do is live.

Don’t Give Into Fear

It’s easy to walk away, or run away from something that frightens us. We all speak of fear especially in terms of the obvious, heights, spiders, enclosed spaces, etc, but the fear I want to talk about is something deeper, much more important then trivial fears. When we are afraid of failing, afraid of death, afraid of what people think about us, afraid to face our very own mistakes, especially when those mistakes fill us with guilt, remorse, and shame. We may be afraid to act because of the fear we may fail, or we may be afraid to act because we might be afraid of doing more damage then we already have.

When we hurt someone by our actions badly and we are still in their lives we may often feel our mistake was so bad the only way to make it right is to run away, leave as fast as we can, and never look back. That person is better off without us because how can they ever look at me, or love me again? The truth is, as legitimate as this fear is, it often blinds us from the truth that stands in front of us staring us down like a cobra ready to strike. When we spiral downward we often can’t see what truth is any longer because truth is blurred by our own skewed perspective. It’s important that we have faith and trust in our Godly guidance, those in our lives who follow Christ, and want only what’s best in our life.

As difficult as it can be to follow Godly counsel it’s even tougher when our desires are not what the advice is we get. We as people often lash out at those around us trying to give us Godly Christian advice. We put self before God more often then not, and in doing so our spiral often gets more muddied, and we fall farther down the seemingly inescapable rabbit hole.

I often think of truth this way. In the Matrix Neo is given the choice to take the Red, or the Blue pill. The Red pill allows you to continue on with the journey to discover the truth about The Matrix, and more. The Blue pill you wake up in your bed and forget about all of The Matrix stuff. The thing with truth is we don’t always accept it for face value. When Neo woke up and he was finally shown, his first reaction was, “I don’t believe it,” and “I want out.” Even though he spent most of his life searching for the truth, when faced with it, his mind had a hard time letting go. Isn’t our faith in Christ the same? We may believe that the Lord and Savior, the God who created the vastness of our universe, the heavens, and the earth, and plays a part in every single one of our lives, and yet, when we struggle with life’s little problems, or even the big ones, we often can’t possibly see a way out. We don’t see a solution so we make up one ourselves. We don’t put the trust in God to help us figure it out. We allow fear to dictate terms in our lives, and we can’t seem to reconcile that life is only in part chance, and mostly guiding stars to follow. People are the wild card. As people we have free will and that free will can change the plan, alter the plan, and sometimes throws the plan off the rails, but no matter the course we find ourselves on, whether it’s of our own doing, or that of someone else, God, and this is the important part, God is always with us, walking side by side, deep in the trench warfare, taking the punches, right along side us. God will always be with us, and when we need God He will always be there for us, helping us. The thing about fear is it’s easier to be afraid, then to have the kind of faith to step out of that boat in the storm. It’s easy to be afraid of the details when you’re moving across country with little to no plan. It’s easy to give into fear when you’ve made a mistake and you can’t see a way back. To have faith, and to truly live by the Word, and trust is God, is to believe that God is apart of even the smallest of details, and we only need to search The Book, for the answers. If we’re like Alice tumbling down the rabbit hole, maybe we should just follow the white rabbit, Jesus is our white rabbit.

No matter what your question is, the Bible will have the answers you seek, you just need to open it and read. I believe that’s the challenge to be placed on all of you. How often do you pray before making a choice? How often do you listen to God before deciding on a course of action, or what to say? No matter the conundrum you find yourself in, the path is always Jesus.