Tag: Acceptance

The Dark

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The Dark

The darkening cave surrounds you, the air thick and heavy, the pounding in your ears and the fear takes hold. Close your eyes, and extend your hand. Even in the darkest of days, a connection with faith, and you can be pulled from the deepest abyss. I have often felt as if my solitude were some kind punishment. I felt as if my inability to explore and make friends was something I had done wrong. Nothing seemed to be working and I felt as if I were in a cave all-alone. I have felt as if the darkness was overtaking me, and I never knew how far I’d slip. As the darkness spread it seemed as if most of the areas in my life would be affected. The truth was, and is, when pain is what causes the darkness it’s hard to find the light. The darkness is like an infection. Once it gets inside it’s hard to be rid of it. There are many things that can cause the darkness, insecurities, jealousy, and several forms of fear. There’s a fear in me of being alone. I fear I will be along for a long period of time. One of my biggest issues is basing my self worth on what others perceive in me. I have always allowed others acceptance of me to bring me down when they don’t.

The loneliness I’ve been dealing with seems to be a lingering problem. I know for sure, an undoubted fact that the Devil has been working overtime lately, feeding me lie after lie. I have sunken into a more depressed state, feeling alone, and questioning my own mortality. I’m not talking suicidal thoughts, but the wondering motif of the past, and thinking I missed out on a more deserved fate. These lies come straight from the pits of Hell, and it’s important to at least realize the source if we are to better fight against it. The Devil will try to attack you, finding the cracks to get in. Once the Devil gets in, the small speck turns like a seed to a plant spreading it’s evil fines throughout your life. What line of defense do you have to protect yourself from the trails and tribulations that will befall you? We know that scripture teaches us to turn to God for our strength. We are taught to guard our heart, and protect our mind. We are taught to use the armor of God and not allow ourselves to fall victim to the spiritual warfare that we are actively engaged in. The dark cannot exist when you shine the light on it. The light can only exist if you choose not to sit in the darkness. You have to choose to leave the darkness behind and fight to stay in the light.

Fighting depression, anxiety, hopelessness isn’t ever easy, but it’s something we must endure, and learn to fight back against. The darkness is in all of us. We all have the ability for great evil, but also great love. We will always have a choice in this life to follow the path of light or dark. We will make choices every day, and sometimes we may actually believe that what we are doing is what’s best, but I heard a sermon recently, your heart can be deceived and therefore you shouldn’t trust it. The heart can be fooled into feeling a great many things, and it’s in Christ we find our Godly wisdom. We won’t always make the best of choices, and we won’t always follow the right path, but if we truly trust in the Lord, and believe that we are doing what would be bring glory to God, then we stand a chance to living our life in the light, and not the dark. I’ve seen men and women walk a path, and just at the snap of your fingers something or someone comes along, a viper in the weeds to lure them to the dark side. Lust presents itself as love, and how often do we as a people try to do what’s best for us in the name of love? When we are fooled by the feel good emotions, the drug in which many marriages, and friendships have fallen into ash, then we see the darkness that has covered our very world.

While I find myself fighting the darkness from rising, and I have considered myself a failure by all right, I know where those lies come from. The struggle is real regardless. Your feelings should always be lined up with the situation to know that your feelings are validated. We all have good and bad feelings, and sometimes our life’s struggles cause us to feel badly about ourselves. It’s hard to manage what you feel, and what you know you should feel. I know I shouldn’t feel worthless, and I know I shouldn’t question my own mortality. The fight is real, and the challenges don’t necessarily get any easier as time goes on. We know we need to turn to others in our time of need, but more importantly the Lord. We know we can’t keep ourselves on our own island, keeping us secluded. Isolation is unhealthy and we are easily picked off when we’re alone. We are weakest by ourselves, and we need to find strength in numbers. Don’t keep yourself secluded, go out and find yourself in the light. Stay out of the darkness because the darkness can take hold, and if we aren’t careful, it doesn’t let go easily.

Letting Go

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Letting Go

Life isn’t always the way we have planned. Sometimes things happen and it hurts us. Friends leave or hurt our feelings, loved ones abandon us, someone insults us, all number of things can do damage to our sometimes-sensitive psyches. The thing is, pain is all part of life. When it happens it isn’t fun at all, and it can leave a lasting mark on our hearts. It can turn to scars and those scars if not careful can harden your heart. We need to remember that for every ounce of pain we endure, there may be something greater coming in the future we are being prepared for. “Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. “You have to let go at some point in order to move forward.” – C.S. Lewis. 1 Peter 5:10 “And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.” Suffering happens to everyone, but as a Christian we expect to endure great hardships. 1 Peter 4:12-13 “Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. 13 But rejoice insofar as you share Christ’s sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when his glory is revealed.” Being a Christian isn’t always easy. It often takes great strength and fortitude to manage the trials day in and day out. People can be callused in their heart and they may say and do things that hurt and cut us deeply. We must know this and find ways to manage, and see this from a different perspective. Isaiah 48:10 “Behold, I have refined you, but not as silver; I have tried you in the furnace of affliction.”

Set your eyes to the lord

 When we are down and stressed, when we are joyful and blissful, we should always look to the Lord. When our eyes are set on the Lord our lives are closer to being on the right path. Proverbs 4:25-27 “Let thine eyes look right on, and let thine eyelids look straight before thee. Ponder the path of thy feet, and let all thy ways be established. Turn not to the right hand nor to the left: remove thy foot from evil.” We must look, but we must see beyond the surface. We must have faith and trust that our trials come with a purpose. When hardships happen are we taking them to the Lord? Colossians 3:2 “Set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth.” The only true ways out of the fire is the Lord. When we realize we need the Lord we are one step closer to a healthy relationship with our Father.

Looking forward not back

We must have the strength to take our steps forward. We must always move forward and never go backwards. The horizon isn’t some place to ponder; it’s a place to venture towards. As the days begin with the rising sun remember that every day is a painting. Every day is a new fresh canvas for the Lord to paint our lives. Like a drop in the water, the ripples of our life from the smallest things could always move us into position for great things. Isaiah 43:18 “Remember ye not the former things, neither consider the things of old.” All things happen for a reason and in those reasons we must have faith. We will be strengthened by our pain, and like a sword in the forged, it takes time, it takes fire, it takes the hammer, and the anvil to shape the beautiful steel sword. When sharpened we can cut through the enemy because we were forged by the Holy Spirit. Philippians 3:13-14 “Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.” The prize for us is eternal salvation. We mustn’t allow our past to hold us back. We mustn’t get stuck in the pain and force ourselves to relive it daily. While it’s not easy to move past the pain, but if we use the pain, harness it’s raw power and effect, we can believe in our hearts it’s for a purposes. Job 17:9 “The righteous also shall hold on his way, and he that hath clean hands shall be stronger and stronger.” Kneel in prayer taking only a moment to physically stop moving, but allowing your spirit to fly and thrive in the light of the world. In the darkest of storms when we have the Holy Spirit inside us, we may be going through our own struggles, but as a Godly person remember you may be going through your own storms, and you may be looking for your own light in the darkness, but think about it this way, what if you’re someone else’s light in the darkness? What if how you manage your pain is the strength and inspiration someone else needs? 1 Corinthians 13:12 “For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.” The reflection we see may not always be what we expect, but as we continue to grow in our faith, that reflection will reveal more of our true image, the image that was created by God to be loved by God, and when we look in the mirror one day we will see God standing with us.

 Don’t Dwell on the past

We can’t get stuck, we must move forward, and if we ever do get caught worrying about our past, we must remember Matthew 6:27 “Which of you by taking thought can add one cubit unto his stature?” Worrying about yesterday, and focusing on what we did wrong, or what was done wrong to us doesn’t add a single moment to our life. Now I’m not saying don’t reflect, don’t review the past to make your tomorrow better but don’t worry about it, don’t forget to move past it. When we do that, when we finally figure out how to do an affective After Action Review, we can adjust and overcome, and make tomorrow a better day.

Giving your hurt to God

Every day we have choices to be made. We choose to get out of bed, we choose to go to the bathroom, to eat breakfast, to look at your phone, or to turn on the TV. We make choices about what to wear, where to go, to go to work, to stop at the gas station on the way, or wait till later. So in our every day choices, are we choosing to let God into our hearts? Are we choosing to be mad at someone for what they said to us? Are we choosing to forgive or not? Are we choosing to remain in the fire of our own making? Are we choosing to remain in our own prison? We need to learn to choose to give our pain our suffering, our struggles to God. We need to choose to let God into our hearts, and have the faith to let go of what we cannot control. When we learn to take the hands off the wheel and let God take over, we realize that we weren’t ever in control anyway. Loving God is a choice, and letting go of the pain inside is also a choice. It’s not one that’s easy, and it takes practice, and time, but in those it takes and requires effort. Facing our fears, and our pain is hard, and we need to handle that just like we walk to the refrigerator. It’s one step, one moment at a time, and before we know it we start to feel a little less pain, a little less grief. Philippians 4:6-7 “Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” The pain may never go away but it won’t define us. The betrayal of close friends, loved ones, may always stay with us, but we can learn to trust again. We can learn to love again. People are fickle creatures, and can be motivated by a million different things in their own life. The pain we have can be the forging fire and we can become stronger if we grow, or if not heat-treated right a sword may become brittle. We don’t want to be the brittle steel broken at the first blow, we want to be strong and dependable. If every moment is more then you can take, and you have troubles and you need strength the one place to find refuge is Matthew 11:28-30 “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” Remember that the phrase “God will never give you more then you can take.” Is not scriptural at all. When you feel like you can’t take anymore the refuge you seek is Jesus Christ. God may not pull up on the rains to slow things down, but whatever you ‘need’ God will provide to you. You will always have the tools to get through the pain, and the suffering if you just look to God and pray for the help you need.

In every day life we will have friends come and go. We will have days of great joy, and days of great sorrow. It’s okay to not be okay, and it’s okay to just cry some days. Don’t get stuck in the misery, but remember God gave us our feelings for a reason and it’s important to remember some days you just need the sweet release of tears. Some days you need a good belly laugh, and in all these things beauty can be found. No matter what emotion you’re going through, you’re never alone. You may walk in the snow and see only one set of footprints, but that doesn’t mean Jesus is right there with you. The important thing is to find ways to handle those emotions. We cry to the Lord and even if we are crying the Lord is pleased because we are coming to our Savior, but sad that we are in pain. Forward always, and never backwards, because Jesus is always in front of us, hand extended to pull us through the day. Not for one moment in this life are we forsaken and forgotten.

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Need for Validation

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The Need for Validation

My biggest fear is that of abandonment, being left behind and forgotten as if I weren’t important. My biggest failing is my need for validation: “recognition or affirmation that a person or their feelings or opinions are valid or worthwhile.” Throughout my life I’ve struggled with this as one event after another have left me in a state of perpetual question of my importance. There is a valid reason a validation of my fear of abandonment, and those facts aren’t in dispute. Overcoming that fear now that it’s been realized in the most horrible way is a priority, however even as something can be important, that doesn’t mean the fix is easy. It takes time to rewrite a lifetime of software. Validation however is different. The validation of my feelings, expecting the worst outcome to be the most likely within particular situations, and example would be the following: I send a text message and someone doesn’t get back to me. I can see they’ve read it, or I call them and it goes to voicemail. Hours go by and no response, then a day, or more goes by without receiving a single hint of communication. My first thought is what did I do to upset them. Then it’s, I’m not important enough for them to take the time to send me a message. Then it ends with they don’t’ care about me at all. This escalation happens almost every time in my head and believe me, it’s not a pleasant place to be.

I realize people have lives and I also realize those lives don’t revolve around me. I realize life happens and sometimes you just can’t. Though perhaps it’s my priority that my friends are of my highest priority I spend a great deal of time responding to and sending texts and messages to those who do contact me. I would say that this fear is a learned behavior.

Psychology Today has an article that’s interesting on how to validate someone.

“The first Level is Being Present. There are so many ways to be present. Holding someone’s hand when they are having a painful medical treatment, listening with your whole mind and doing nothing but listening to a child describe their day in first grade, and going to a friend’s house at midnight to sit with her while she cries because a supposed friend told lies about her are all examples of being present.” The Article goes on to talk about how to validate yourself. “Being present for yourself means acknowledging your internal experience and sitting with it rather than “running away” from it, avoiding it, or pushing it away. Sitting with intense emotion is not easy. Even happiness or excitement can feel uncomfortable at times.

Often one of the reasons other people are uncomfortable with intense emotion is that they don’t know what to say. Just being present, paying complete attention to the person in a nonjudgmental way, is often the answer. For yourself, being mindful of your own emotion is the first step to accepting your emotion.

People may mask their feelings because they have learned that others don’t react well to their sensitivity. This masking can lead to not acknowledging their feelings even to themselves, which makes the emotions more difficult to manage. Being able to accurately label feelings is an important step to being able to regulate them.

When someone is describing a situation, notice their emotional state. Then either name the emotions you hear or guess at what the person might be feeling.”

 The Article goes on to the next steps, and the next is understanding the history of someone’s past. Realizing that their feelings or actions may be justified based on situations from earlier in their life. It’s important to realize for yourself that if you feel a particular way why that may be the case. Normal feelings, are just that, normal to have and feel, and checking the facts of how strongly you feel based on the reasonable level per individual event.

While all of this is great, as you know this is a Christian Blog, so what does all this have to do with Jesus Christ, and God? EVERYTHING! The scripture is full of validation.

John 3:17 Christ came to save us, not to condemn us. Psalm 17:8 We are the Apple of God’s eye, he will hide us in the shadow of his wings. Colossians 3:23 “23 And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men;” We often seek approval from our fellow peers and this often leads us to disaster. People often let us down because one of a thousand reasons. The only real validation we need is that from God. People judge left and right and even when the scripture says otherwise people judgments hurt. I myself have been harshly judged on my mistakes even if they were justified from past experiences. I’ve been harshly judged on my looks, my ideals, and those judgments hurt.

I recently sought validation about a decision I had made, and the response didn’t go as I thought it would. This left a huge rift and hurt. I wasn’t expecting my decision to cause such uproar but it did. This on top of my fear that if someone doesn’t get back to me in a text or by phone, or doesn’t send me anything for days that I am some how not important to them. All these things together can be wrapped up in one word, LIES. The Devil wants us to feel badly about ourselves. The Devil wants to rip us apart and pull us away from God. When we make mistakes and we let the fear of those mistakes dictate how we proceed we are falling into that lie. We make ourselves believe that we are worthless, without the possibility of redemption, or even that we don’t deserve it. All of this is just a big fat lie that the Devil wants us to believe. Rewriting how we feel isn’t easy. We might have to tell ourselves every day that we have forgiven ourselves, and that we know God has forgiven us for whatever wrong we may have committed. God don’t care where you been, He cares where you’re going.” (Dr. M. David Chambers, Senior Pastor)

We know that God loves us and we know that regardless of our mistakes or sins God loves us. We know that if we truly repent and ask for forgiveness and give Christ our entire heart we will be accepted into the Kingdom. We are always given chances, and we are always given grace. Will we be punished if we disobey, or blatantly sin or go against God, sure we will because God or Abba (Father) will treat us like a father and discipline his children when they need it. Remember don’t be so quick to pass judgment; it’s not for us to do so. Try and consider the needs of those around you. If we allow God to work through us we can help touch and mold lives and by understanding someone’s emotions, by respecting them, and taking the time to learn, we can be more then just an ear, we can be an inspiration, we can be a guide, and we may actually be able to make a difference, if we allow God to use us.

Radical Acceptance

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Radical Acceptance

First, what is it? Radical acceptance is all the way, complete and total. It’s accepting in your heart, mind and body that some things are beyond our control. If we refuse to accept reality for whatever reason the effectiveness of our crisis management skills could be dramatically affected.

We may not want to accept the sky is blue but that doesn’t change what is. When things get really bad we sometimes have a problem accepting the facts as they are. When we get to the point we finally accept the truth we can start to handle the crisis as it happens. Things like the death of loved ones, loosing a job or career, and loosing a relationship can all have drastic affects on our lives. Radical acceptance is not much different then the Serenity prayer.

Serenity Prayer

 God grant me the serenity

to accept the things I cannot change;

courage to change the things I can;

and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;

Enjoying one moment at a time;

Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;

Taking, as He did, this sinful world

as it is, not as I would have it;

Trusting that He will make all things right

if I surrender to His Will;

That I may be reasonably happy in this life

and supremely happy with Him

Forever in the next.

Amen.

 It’s not something that comes easily, but it can happen with practice. It takes inner commitment, developing a plan, and a change in your mindset. We need these concepts to help us when the excrement from hitting the fan. If left unchecked our emotions can get the best of us and push us to extreme reactions.

Have faith and believe that the worst. John 16:33 “These things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have peace In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world.” Jesus tells us with God on our side we can overcome a great many things. Isaiah 40:31 “Yet those who wait for the LORD Will gain new strength; They will mount up with wings like eagles, They will run and not get tired, They will walk and not become weary.” The world can be a cruel and unforgiving place. Find hope when it seems like there is none because even if we can’t see it, doesn’t mean it’s not there. The future may not be known, but even the smallest of drops can make big changes.

Revelation 3:21 ‘He who overcomes, I will grant to him to sit down with Me on My throne, as I also overcame and sat down with My Father on His throne.”