Abuse – The Arrow Preacher

Parasite

Are you allowing people to stay in your life who only come around for encouragement, or when they need something? These people drain your emotional resource but never replenish it. These people will never or rarely be there for you. I have had many difference parasites live in my life. I’ve had people who only come around when it’s convenient for them. These people come around to refill their supply of good vibes and then when they are full, they move forward again. Most of my life I’ve had people seem to use me for whatever they wanted, and then when it no longer suited them, they left. I’ve been host to many parasites over the years. One of my faults is not knowing that I’m being taken advantage of. Even people I’ve cared about have used me for their personal gain and once their goals were achieved, again, thrown away. People can truly be parasites and latch on and just like a leach, suck away your passion, your joy, your love, and leave you with next to nothing.

Recently I had a situation come up that really got me thinking about how others think.

About seven weeks ago I started talking to this seemingly nice lady online. We’d been talking on and off for that whole time, and finally the question came up ‘are we compatible’? I took a long look at what was on my list, and what I believe in, and what she believed in, and my answer was no, we aren’t. However, I felt that there was plenty of good qualities to maintain a friendship. When I told her I didn’t think a relationship would work, she abruptly said goodbye. I had a few minutes to talk with her about why she was leaving and no matter how I reasoned for a friendship, she was insistent on an all or nothing relationship. This struck me as odd because she would be willing to move into a relationship based on the last seven weeks but felt nothing about leaving a friendship. How can you talk to someone for seven weeks and be okay with a romantic relationship but you’re so quick to leave a friendship. I always thought you must have a good solid foundation of friends before the relationship can really flourish.

This situation has prompted me to ask a very important question, ‘if we aren’t compatible for a relationship are you willing to be friends?’ The question seems simple enough, but it’s led me to wonder what people s true motives are, and what drives them. There was no thought to how I would feel in this particular situation, only what was in it for her. Now, on the flip side I can hear some of you thinking ‘maybe she really liked you and she couldn’t just be friends.’ While yes, this is always a possibility, I didn’t get that impression at all in the conversation. With everything she had said, she really couldn’t see a benefit to being friends. This of course triggered an emotional response from me, as I questioned yet again my self-worth. It’s not easy feeling that kind of rejection. I’m sure she felt some form of rejection also, but she knew our beliefs weren’t the same and weren’t compatible so she also said no in a way, but the rejection was a friendship. I wonder what I failed to do in those seven weeks to show myself as a worthy friend. I wonder why I wasn’t good enough to be a friend. The thing is, and this is easy to say, hard to believe, it wasn’t about me at all. This was about what I could be for her, and that was her only thought. She too, thrives on taking from others, and cares little about what she gives in return.

Scripture talks about those who would take from you, use you, abuse you, and yet, I think it’s often overlooked. So many relationships are symbiotic and while sometimes this is a good thing, there are forms of symbiotic relationships that are harmful to one or both of the symbiont. The four types are mutualism, commensalism, parasitism, and competition. The one we’re going to discuss is parasitism. This is where one of the symbiotes is gaining something by taking it from the other relationship. In essence, calling someone a parasite in your life is not only accurate, but it happens in nature quite often, and people are no different. Remember though, you have a choice, you have a choice to live a life in love, or hate.

An article I found https://www.elitedaily.com/dating/one-sided-relationship/1269161gives a good account of the warning signs to look for if you think you may be in one of these relationships. It’s pretty clear these relationships are harmful, and must not be a long-term relationship. I encourage you to turn to scripture when you think you may be in this situation. Luke 8:17 (NKJV)17 “For nothing is secret that will not be revealed, nor anything hidden that will not be known and come to light” Remember that people aren’t going to be up front about their intentions, and they may not even realize what they are doing is harmful. It’s important to approach with love, and show concern towards the relationship and attempt to get your partner to change their ways. However, if this doesn’t happen, you need to have a long conversation with God about what’s best for you to do. You will be surrounded by opinions, and those may be good, they may be bad, but no matter what surrounds you, it’s important to followHebrews 12:1 (NKJV)“Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us,”

Remember that if you are abundant with love, and a giving nature you are wealthy in spirit. People will want this, and it’s not just a wealth of money people seek, but anything that can be given is an object of affection. People sometimes want to have someone to serve them, or be their punching bag. People in abusive relationships are also in that symbiotic relationship, and as you give up your self to stay in that relationship, you are giving the other person power, control, by giving up your own. They thrive on that, and as long as you’re willing to stay, they will continue to feed on that. Proverbs 19:4“Wealth maketh many friends; but the poor is separated from his neighbour.”

Fear not though, because there is always a way out, and if you don’t know what that may be, or you need help figuring out the best course of action, or if you just need someone to talk to about it, I urge you to seek Godly counsel. I urge you to take a long hard look at what’s going on in your life. If your resource is being drained, perhaps counseling is needed, couples counseling, or individual at the very least. James 1:5“If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.” Seek God first in every situation, and trust that there is still hope. If you’re in a physically abusive relationship, I urge you to seek help right away. I urge you to stand up for yourself by removing yourself from a dangerous situation. Second is an emotionally abusive relationship, I urge you to seek counsel right away. Attempt to get into counseling, and see if you can change the statuesque.

No matter where you are in your life, always proceed with love. You can love someone, but that doesn’t mean they are healthy for you. As such you can love an addiction, but that doesn’t mean it’s good for you. You must have discernment with who you give abundantly too. Trust in the Lord to watch over you, and protect you. This doesn’t mean the Lord will snap his fingers and your abuser will stop abusing, but more, the Lord will give you a way out, people that will help you, but only if you seek. I’ve heard before “why did God let my ______ to abuse me?” See, God doesn’t let anyone get away with anything. Those things happen, but God doesn’t forget. You always have the ability to leave. It may not be easy, but you can leave. You will have to make a choice in your life, and trust in God to be there with you no matter what you choose to do.

If any who reads find yourselves in any of these situations, please pray about what you need to do, and please be sure to seek Godly counsel and help. Make sure you are safe and not in a dangerous situation. God will be with you, and God will be there to comfort your spirit. You don’t have to stay in those kinds of relationships. If you are a person who gives and gives and people take advantage over your kindness, your generosity, pray about what you are doing. What you have is a gift from God and we are told in scripture to use our gifts wisely and for what is edifying of the Holy Spirit. Love everyone, but don’t enable bad behavior. Use your gifts on those who truly need and appreciate them. Don’t waist your energy, your hard work, or even your own hard-earned money in some cases on those who aren’t willing to work for themselves. Use discernment in all you do.

I am praying for all of you that this post may touch in a special way, and I pray God gives you what you need to a better tomorrow.

Tipping Point

How long will you travel down the road you’re on before you make a change in your life? Will you wait until you don’t have any other option? Sadly most people will refuse to change until the choice is no longer theirs to make. It seems the path towards self-destruction is a path that must run its course. Sadly I have watched people I’ve cared about hop on that train, and no matter what anyone did they had to ride along till it hit the brick wall, or as most people call it, hitting rock bottom.

What is it about that course that so many fall prey too? The human mind is a tricky thing, and when we truly take some time to think about it, why would anyone stay on such a self-destructive path? I think the answer is simple, and yet complicated at the same time. The simple answer is of coursesin, but the difficult answer is the complexity of the human brain. I think there’s something that happens inside the human brain that gets confused. Take a bad relationship for example. The whole world might realize a relationship is bad news, but the one person who doesn’t is the person in the middle of it. There can be emotional abuse, an over controlling element, or even physical abuse, and yet someone will stay in that situation till, they hit rock bottom. Much of that has to do with self-esteem, a notion of worthlessness, and an idea that no one else could ever love them, so it’s better to be mistreated by someone who ‘loves me’ than to be alone. Then there’s the alcoholic, substance abuse addicts, and workaholics who drive themselves towards destruction and rarely turn their own train before it smashes into the wall.

What can we do though, for those people who seem to be on those trains? Sadly the answer is not much, and any intervention may be a dangerous idea for the relationship. People often lash out when an intervention is staged. Admitting there’s a problem is incredibly difficult and always the first step to any real change. Every 12 step program is laid out very similar, and the first step is always the same.

Admitting powerlessness over the addiction
Believing that a higher power (in whatever form) can help
Deciding to turn control over to the higher power
Taking a personal inventory
Admitting to the higher power, oneself, and another person the wrongs done
Being ready to have the higher power correct any shortcomings in one’s character
Asking the higher power to remove those shortcomings
Making a list of wrongs done to others and being willing to make amends for those wrongs
Contacting those who have been hurt, unless doing so would harm the person
Continuing to take personal inventory and admitting when one is wrong
Seeking enlightenment and connection with the higher power via prayer and meditation
Carrying the message of the 12 Steps to others in need

While the 12 steps list a higher power, we as Christians must remember that it is God, Jesus Christ that can help us. No matter what situation you find yourself in, there are a few things that need to be mentioned. First, the creator of the universe loves you. Jesus Christ died for you, and you are special to Him. Second, you do not have to stay on the road you’re on. There is always help out there and all you have to do is ask for it. However, you must be willing to hear the truth, and face the challenge of making the change, which of course will not be easy. Third, you must trust that God can work out any bad situation, and there is something good to be taken from it. No matter the horrible things you’ve experienced in your life, i.e. rape, abuse (physical or emotional), loss, health issues, addictions, etc.) no matter what it is, there is something to be gained for it, and used in a positive way. Fourth, GOD DID NOT CAUSE YOUR SUFFERING, I cannot understate this. God is not in the habit of causing suffering in our lives. We must understand the nature of a sinful world, and a world endowed with free will. People choose to act how they want to. People choose to prey on the weak, to take other peoples power for their own. People choose to give in to the sin nature of this world. People choose to allow addictions to take hold by starting in the first place. People choose to rape, to abuse, to control, because it masks their own insecurities, and they themselves are not following Christ. We often want to blame God, instead of blaming the Devil. We want to ask God why He didn’t save us, and the truth is, he probably tried. We expect God to send us a miraculous intervention, where the truth is, there were probably people there who would have been willing to help, and maybe even tried to help. The problem is, sometimes we slap away the hands that try to help us.

It’s said we as people don’t truly change till we reach the precipice, the bottom of the barrel, the brick wall, but the truth is, you don’t have to wait that long. Addiction can be anything to include staying in bad abusive relationships, but there is hope. 1 Corinthians 10:13-14 (NKJV)13 “No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it. 14 Therefore, my beloved, flee from idolatry.” When we put anything before God that is our idol, and we are in essence worshiping that in which stands between God and us. If it’s work, or a substance, video games, whatever you can fill in the blank that takes the majority of your focus, there’s a time to walk away. Change is possible any time, anywhere, but YOU have to be willing to make that step towards change.

I have lost two wives to adultery and I remember asking what I had done to deserve it. I asked God why I was being punished, and what I didn’t realize at the time was it wasn’t God, no, it was Satan that had intervened in my life and brought destruction upon my home. 1 John 2:16 (NKJV)16 “For all that is in the world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life—is not of the Father but is of the world.” Every day people endure hardships, and they endure the pain of this life, and every day people cry out to the Father and ask what they have done, why did they deserve such horrible things, but the fact is, it’s a sinful world, and there will be troubles. God does not force people into His will and in turn God does not force people to sin. God did not force sin upon this world, but people choose to sin. As scripture says, God will ALWAYS give you a way out. It may not be easy, but God isn’t in the business of making life easy, but it is always what is right. “Dark times lie ahead of us and there will be a time when we must choose between what is easy and what is right.”(Albus Dumbledore)

If you’re in a position you want to change, or need to change, ask yourself, have you been talking to God about it? Has an opportunity to change been presented to you but you’ve not taken it? Is the situation truly bad, or is it that you’re just not happy? Are you putting your attention to objects, substances or people? No matter what’s going on in your life there is always hope in Christ. Remember that as you might have fallen victim at the hands of others, remember it’s free will that causes so much pain. The same free will that causes you pain, is also the same free will that allows you to walk away and turn to God. 1 Corinthians 6:12“All things are lawful for me, but all things are not helpful. All things are lawful for me, but I will not be brought under the power of any.” Don’t give away the power God has given to you. Don’t allow other people to take your happiness from you. When you trust in God you are given joy, and nothing can steal away your Joy. If you are in an abusive relationship, get help. If you are addicted to (blank) get help. Don’t walk through this life living in misery, there’s help out there for you. Be willing to make the hard decision for the hard change, but always turn to God for guidance. God will hear you, and God will answer you, so keep an eye open for it, and listen to the Holy Spirit guiding you. Have faith and don’t forget to love first, love God.