A long ago – The Arrow Preacher

Remembering a Christmas from long Ago

December 25^th 2004 I remember sitting in the tent, if memory serves the KBR tent. We were allowed to have two beers or a single mixed drink. I remember having a mixed drink Jack and Coke, but while I sat there drinking this drink I know I didn’t really like, it was Rome so when in Rome. All missions from late Christmas Eve through Christmas Day except for vital posts had been canceled. A small Christmas Break was our gift this year. I had a small stocking hanging in my room from home, and some decorations had been put up around the house. While sitting around drinking the drink I remember thinking to myself how nice it was to have a day down time.

All day I was waiting for an attack that never came. I was expecting to be called out on QRF even though we were off mission. I waited all day for the rockets or mortars to come flying in. I was tense and not at all feeling like the holiday. I realized in the afternoon I was so focused on the war that I never relaxed and enjoyed the holiday.

I watched those around me like I wasn’t in the room, the laughs, the joy, and for some reason I couldn’t partake in the holiday. Fast forward to today and while I have done a lot for the holiday I find myself emotionally removed. I’ve found it hard to be excited or happy, or anything other then sad for that matter. I’m not exactly Scrooge, but I’m not Jolly Old Saint Nick either. I think of Christmases of years past and something is missing this year. I listen to the music, I watch the movies, I have done the shopping, and even enjoy the lights and decorations in and around the house, but I can’t seem to feel excited this year.

I know I should be happy about the celebration of this birthday but it’s hard. Try not to get caught up in what’s missing, but focus on what isn’t. Focus on our dear saviors birth, and try to let go of the sorrows this holiday season. I know it’s easier said then done. I for one know how hard it can be. Don’t loose hope though, for as long as you breathe there is still hope. Always.