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Following the World Phenomenon

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Following the World Phenomenon

I recently saw Star Wars Last Jedi and let me start off by saying it was amazing! This however will not be a movie review. Instead it will be about how we as a society follow the flow.

Society changes what’s accepted over time, and when we base our values off of societies acceptance. So without making to many waves, and pissing everyone off, let me just say this. The bible says what it says. We need to realize first and foremost that we are all sinners. We live in a fallen sin world, and no matter where we turn, or what we do we will sin, our neighbors will sin, and there isn’t anything we can do about it. We instead must accept that we are sinners and in turn accept that there’s only one way out of that, and that’s following the one true light of this world Jesus Christ. We have to remember that in God’s eyes not one sin is worse then others. In our mind of course adultery isn’t as bad as murder, but the fact is, they are on equal footing at the cross. We can only hope in the Lord, accept we sin, ask for the forgiveness for our sins. We must try to live our life as sinless as possible and for the times we do, ask for forgiveness, from both the Lord and those whom we’ve sinned against. We must seek for repentance of our sins. This means we apologize from our hearts, and actively try to make it right. What does that mean?

When we wrong someone we think in our society today that all we have to do is utter a few words and it’s all better. I’m sorry doesn’t hold a whole lot of weight if the person doesn’t mean it. It doesn’t hold a lot of weight if that person never does anything to make the wronging any better. If you break something of someone’s I’m sorry is nice but it doesn’t make anything right. Replacing it and maybe a little something extra is repentance. We don’t do that anymore in our world.

Someone who stood me up and flaked on our plans we had made has hurt my feelings recently. Over and over this person made plans and failed to follow through. Finally I said something about how my feelings had been hurt, and I received an “I’m sorry.” Just a couple days later I sent a text about new plans we had made and I sat back and I waited to hear back. 2 hours later and I’m still waiting. 4 hours, and still nothing. 8 hours had passed before I finally heard back. I was unhappy to say the least and this time I wasn’t as passive as I had been in the past. I was hurt, and I expressed that pain, and how decency would have been to call or text me to let me know what was going on instead of making me wait all day. Instead of an apology, the friendship was dissolved right then and there. I hadn’t done anything wrong, but instead of trying to make up for it, or even apologizing for it, the friendship was ended. (Yes I can hear many of you now, then they weren’t a real friend, and yes I get that, but it doesn’t take the sting away.)

We as a society have become cold, and callused. We no longer have empathy, or sympathy for those in pain. We feel everyone’s pain is either brought on my their own doing, or just a part of life. I’ve had many people tell me ‘Why feel sorry for it, it’s just life.’ Isn’t it a sad day when we offer empathy for someone’s situation and it’s deflected as a simple matter as it’s life.

We must remember that to follow Christ is to let go of the world. We must learn the difference between what society says is right and what the bible says is right. While I absolutely love the Star Wars phenomenon and other big names, it’s important to keep in mind the difference between enjoying a movie or show, and conforming to the acceptance of the world. Don’t forget what real truth is.

A Hospital Day

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A Hospital Day

After waking up in agonizing pain I quickly realized something was wrong. My back hurting before I went to bed turned into unbearable abdomen pain. I quickly realized I was in trouble when I collapsed in the living room. My mother quickly got dressed to take me to the VA ER. I was admitted quickly and within minutes I was hooked up to an IV and I was getting nausea medication and pain medicine. The trip to the ER was difficult. During the 30-minute car ride I got sick out the window twice. The immense pain caused me to get sick, and then again on the hospital bed.

Within moments of receiving the first round of meds I began to feel better. Less then an hour later I was getting a CT of my gut and surrounding organs. The first thought was my Gal Bladder. This was ruled out after everything came back okay. Either my back was having major spasms, or I had a bacterial/viral infection in my intestinal tract. I was eventually released to go home. 3 days of light liquid diet of nothing but soups.

Once I returned home I was so tired I fell asleep quickly and slept most of the afternoon. When I got up it was time to go to the Christmas Cantata. This year the cantata was amazing. The singers this year were fantastic and of course the narration was great.

No matter the pitfalls that may come in your day, your week, your year, you will always have the chance to reflect on the years past and remember that the only thing worthwhile is the knowledge that at some point 2000 years ago a baby was born. A baby that would one day grow to sacrifice himself to be the salvation for all of our sins. We are a fallen world and we would be without hope if we didn’t have Christ. We cannot hope to overcome sin on our own. We need to understand that in order to do that we must follow the light of the entire world. The prince of peace came and lived with us as one of us but also apart so we may relate to God, and know that God relates to us. We can only put our faith in one place and that’s the Lord above. No matter how bad things get we know that God’s still with us, God’s always in control, and we can take comfort in that.

You may be sick, you may be down on your luck, you may be in pain both physical or emotional, but in this time of year, try not to let the holiday blues take over, instead try to find something selfless to do. Try to remember the season of giving, the season of good will towards others, and to love your neighbor.

Love CHRIST and celebrate His Risen Birthday! This the Birthday we should always want to celebrate.

Remembering a Christmas from long Ago

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Remembering a Christmas from long Ago

December 25th 2004 I remember sitting in the tent, if memory serves the KBR tent. We were allowed to have two beers or a single mixed drink. I remember having a mixed drink Jack and Coke, but while I sat there drinking this drink I know I didn’t really like, it was Rome so when in Rome. All missions from late Christmas Eve through Christmas Day except for vital posts had been canceled. A small Christmas Break was our gift this year. I had a small stocking hanging in my room from home, and some decorations had been put up around the house. While sitting around drinking the drink I remember thinking to myself how nice it was to have a day down time.

 

All day I was waiting for an attack that never came. I was expecting to be called out on QRF even though we were off mission. I waited all day for the rockets or mortars to come flying in. I was tense and not at all feeling like the holiday. I realized in the afternoon I was so focused on the war that I never relaxed and enjoyed the holiday.

 

I watched those around me like I wasn’t in the room, the laughs, the joy, and for some reason I couldn’t partake in the holiday. Fast forward to today and while I have done a lot for the holiday I find myself emotionally removed. I’ve found it hard to be excited or happy, or anything other then sad for that matter. I’m not exactly Scrooge, but I’m not Jolly Old Saint Nick either. I think of Christmases of years past and something is missing this year. I listen to the music, I watch the movies, I have done the shopping, and even enjoy the lights and decorations in and around the house, but I can’t seem to feel excited this year.

 

I know I should be happy about the celebration of this birthday but it’s hard. Try not to get caught up in what’s missing, but focus on what isn’t. Focus on our dear saviors birth, and try to let go of the sorrows this holiday season. I know it’s easier said then done. I for one know how hard it can be. Don’t loose hope though, for as long as you breathe there is still hope. Always.

Joy to the World

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Joy to the World

The horrors of this world are many and can be found anywhere. You turn on your television, or the pages of the morning paper, scrolling through Facebook, no matter where you look, there’s so many horrible things being shoved in your face every day. How can we find joy and hope this holiday season with so much pain in this world? The very short, very easy answer is Jesus Christ, the baby who was born to live a life fully human and fully God at the same time. The God who lived a full life to experience the joy, and the pain of our life, and the God who wanted us to see resemblance within our own life. When we are going through something horrible and we are told to pray to God about our woe’s, we can because God truly does understand. There’s nothing easy about living this life, but it’s when we are brought to our knees we can truly see the joys of this world.

Sometimes it’s hard to see the good in people when we are living on top of the world. It’s hard to see the generosity of people when we have everything we want. When you’re struggling to get by and someone gives to you out of the kindness of their heart, that’s when you know there are still decent people out there. When you are in line at the grocery store and you’re a single mother of 3 and someone picks up the grocery tab for you. When you’re at a restaurant and someone pays for your table, that’s when you know good people are still around and hate hasn’t won the day.

While at times it seems like hate is everywhere you look, and racism, and bigotry is everywhere, there are also people who live like Jesus commanded. It’s simple this time of year, look to the heavens and remember that a child was born, he lived along side us, and eventually died because of us and in doing so saved us from ourselves. We were saved from an eternal fate of death. We celebrate the birth of that little baby, and we need to remember it’s not about the gifts we give to one another, it’s about the gift that was given to us.

Luke 2: 9-14 “9 And an angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were filled with great fear. 10 And the angel said to them, “Fear not, for behold, I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. 11 For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord. 12 And this will be a sign for you: you will find a baby wrapped in swaddling cloths and lying in a manger.” 13 And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God and saying, 14 “Glory to God in the highest heaven, and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests.”

 The child born that night sometime in the spring would bring forth both hope and despair. Hope for those who thirst for truth, knowledge and love beyond our own understanding. Those who knew and understood that without the love and sacrifice of the Lord we would always be bound to die by Sin. Despair for those who have embraced their sin and refuse to acknowledge the need for a savior. Whenever Christ is the topic, conflict ensues. While Jesus was being born Harod set out to slaughter thousands of first born children. When Jesus would spread the truth about God, angry hoards would gather and force him from the town. Sin breed’s hatred of the convictions held deep beneath the surface. The truth is we are in the darkness if we do not understand the true meaning of Christmas. We should be singing songs and praising the Lord and Saviors birthday! It’s a birthday party and for those who scream Scrooge this year, I say bah humbug to you. Enjoy this birthday celebration and one day when this life passes away we will have a celebration of our own as we enter the eternal city. Spread a little Christmas cheer this year and remember it’s not about the presents, it’s not about the tinsel on the tree, it’s about the love we share, the joy of knowing that God is still on the throne and still in control. Knowing we have overcome death, and that we were saved because of a little baby born so many years ago.

So, even when things are down and you may have the holiday blues remember the real meaning this year and try to let go of your inner Scrooge and praise for the blessings in your life. So joy to the world, and good will towards all men and women.

 

 

 

 

Christmas Wish

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Christmas Wish

The weather turns cold and the air is crisp. It bites and buries deep down into your bones. The Christmas tree is up, the lights are on, and the Christmas cheer is strewn about nearly everywhere you look. When you think about yourself this holiday season, how do you feel? Are you Scrooge, the Grinch, or jolly old Saint Nick? Are you finding your cheer, or are you feeling down? For many reasons a person can become depressed during the holidays even amidst the joy that comes celebrating the messiah’s birthday!

This year I find myself struggling with the realization that I am still alone a second Christmas in a row. It’s hard for me watching friends post family photos, and how many of them are starting families, or growing their family this time of year. I’ve found it difficult to maintain the smile I put on my face. The family reminder is hard, and knowing mine was torn apart and wishing for a family of my own has created a rough time. It’s hard watching as everyone I know seems to be so happy, and nearly complete. The hardest part about the holidays is not having someone special in your life to experience it with.

They say that this time of year all manner of miracles could happen. As I have prayed for a Christmas Miracle I realize that it’s only a matter if it’s something God wants for me right now. We must always remember that sometimes we want what we want, but it’s not what God wants for us. While I have spent over a year picking up the pieces of my broken heart, I have not found any comfort or solace in that time. I keep pushing forward one step at a time no matter how hopeless I often feel. The pieces of my heart look like a shattered ornament bulb broken on the floor. I’ve tried to tape it back together, but it’s hard to keep it from crumbling.

I know it’s probably a lot to ask for, but my grown up Christmas wish this year is to have someone special love me as much as I do them. It may sound silly, but it’s all I really want. I’ve had a slew of strange events happen to me this year, and I remember every day to keep and hold onto my faith. I know that the power of Love God has for me will never die, and will never loose it’s strength. No matter how far I feel I’ve fallen God is right there with me. I can fall over and over and God will always pick me up. I am weak and I know God’s love and grace should be enough for me, but it’s hard. I can only keep putting one foot in front of the other in hopes that one day I will learn to run again.

This is my Christmas wish, my one hope, my only request; I wish to not be alone for yet another year. I wish to have someone fall for me as I do them, deeply in love. I wish to feel something I’ve not felt before, and I wish to experience things I haven’t yet felt. I pray for my heart be healed and mended back together. I pray for these things as my one and only Christmas wish. In the name of God all things are possible, and if it’s not my time, I learn to understand that it’s about God’s time, not my own.

Amen.

FRIENDS

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FRIENDS

When things are tough you like to think there will be people in your life, your friends who will be there for you. When the world falls down upon your head and it might hurt a lot from the year’s battles, just remember you have people who care for you.

The song that comes to mind

I’ll Be there for you By The Rembrants

So no one told you life was gonna be this way
Your job’s a joke, you’re broke
Your love life’s D.O.A
It’s like you’re always stuck in second gear
When it hasn’t been your day, your week, your month
Or even your year, but

I’ll be there for you
(When the rain starts to pour)
I’ll be there for you
(Like I’ve been there before)
I’ll be there for you
(‘Cause you’re there for me too)

You’re still in bed at ten
And work began at eight
You’ve burned your breakfast, so far
Things are going great
Your mother warned you there’d be days like these
But she didn’t tell you when the world has brought
You down to your knees and

I’ll be there for you
(When the rain starts to pour)
I’ll be there for you
(Like I’ve been there before)
I’ll be there for you
(‘Cause you’re there for me too)

No one could ever know me
No one could ever see me
Seems you’re the only one who knows
What it’s like to be me
Someone to face the day with
Make it through all the rest with
Someone I’ll always laugh with
Even at my worst, I’m best with you, yeah

It’s like you’re always stuck in second gear
When it hasn’t been your day, your week, your month
Or even your year

 

Do we have a friend that we can count on? Do we have someone that will be there for us no matter what? I like to think that I am at the very least that person for others.

Proverbs 18:24 “A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.”

 Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 “Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken.”

 1 Thessalonians 5:11 “Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.”

 Friends may come and go sometimes, but it’s important to remember this holiday who your true friends are. Who’s been there for you every step of the way, who loves you for you, and who isn’t going anywhere? When your love life is DOA, when it hasn’t been your day, your month, or even your year, I’ll be there for you.

 

 

 

Rough Sleep

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Rough Sleep

Waking up this morning I realized I haven’t slept well in days. I feel tired and sluggish each day. There are so many reasons someone may not sleep well. There could be chemical issues, to much salt, sugar, caffeine, or even a lack of self made melatonin. There could be Apnea issues, and then there could be a lot of stuff on your mind, which is where I think I am.

Some times when you wake up and you’re exhausted still you have to muster through. The days will come and go, and sleep health is the most important thing you may face in that time. I know for me this year sleep has been hit or miss. I can only remember a small handful of times I woke up feeling bright eyed and bushy tailed.

We should try to focus on the things we need in our life. We often overlook things in our life we need to spend more time on. Sleep in something in this country we don’t focus on much. “More than a third of American adults are not getting enough sleep on a regular basis” (https://www.cdc.gov/media/releases/2016/p0215-enough-sleep.html) The problem with not getting enough sleep is everything that sleepless nights can cause. “Sleeping less than seven hours per day is associated with an increased risk of developing chronic conditions such as obesity, diabetes, high blood pressure, heart disease, stroke, and frequent mental distress.” (CDC)

We should wake up every morning and start off with praying to God for a great morning, another morning we’ve woken up. The night should be met with some quiet reflection after the TV goes off, put away the phone, and focus on the breath you take.

1 Peter 5:7 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

 

Proverbs 3:24 When thou liest down, thou shalt not be afraid: yea, thou shalt lie down, and thy sleep shall be sweet.

 Don’t let the weight of the world keep you weighted down during your night sleep. Let go of the worries of the day, and let yourself float to the pillow as light as a feather. Relax and let yourself rest.

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Separate Path

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The Separate Path

We found one another and fell in love. We grew together and a life we made. The life we made was a house of cards, the wind came and it blew it down. Now looking at the wake of devastation, I watched in horror as the world didn’t make sense anymore. The tsunami that tore down everything in its path, it was a nightmare come to life. The blast from the atomic blast blinded me and left me helpless as I stood there frozen within my own mind. My body moved but my mind was trapped in a prison unable to escape. Failure was imminent and nothing would be able to stop the flood from coming.

Journey’s song Separate Ways sums up the last year pretty well for me. Having faith in the plan that isn’t my own is perhaps the hardest thing I’ve done. The horrible things we survive can either destroy us or it can propel us forward. When something happens to us in the past how does it affect us in the present? The nightmare that is left behind can play at any time during the day, find us in our sleep, and haunt us. But what if the demons of the past could be controlled? What if we could tame the beast and learn how to no longer allow it to control us? There may be hope if we but turn on the light to see in the dark.

Someone once asked me why I believed in God with so much pain and horrible things in this world. If God was so good then why are babies killed, why do innocent people get hurt? The answer is very simple. Free Will. Free will gives people the choice to decide their own path. We choose who we become friends with, and we choose the way we handle each and every event that comes to our life. Sometimes we make great choices, and other times we make choices that are self destructive. Sometimes our path’s are determined by the subconscious mind that wants what we know we shouldn’t have, but follow it anyway. Other people free will can harm people as innocent bystanders or out of cruelty or malice. God can interfere and sometimes does, but to put a stopper on free will in a fallen world of Sin would defeat the purpose of wanting His children to come to him freely. While miracles do happen, and God can play on someone’s heart, bad things are bound to happen.

I myself have been taken to the woodshed a few times. I’ve suffered at the hands of others, and I have caused suffering when I didn’t mean too. I’ve been brought to my knees and I’ve watched the world crumble and make no sense to what is up or down. While I’ve lost sight of the truth from time to time I always find my way back to the path. The Devil has tried to take me out of the game, to remove me from the board, but God’s plan for me is not yet finished. I can never apologize enough for the pain I have caused, and I can’t ever make it right. All I can do is try to atone for my mistakes. All I can do is ask for forgiveness and hope I get it. All I can do is try to make sure it never happens again and raise awareness for the perfect storm that hit me. While my path has diverged from that of those I love the most deeply in this life, I know that my love is not confined to my little part of this world, but that they know how I feel. I can never undo the past, but as I have fought to survive this last year, I keep in mind, there’s a reason to the pain. There’s a reason for the separate ways in my life, and I thank God for the blessings I do have.

Even though you’re gone I love you. Even though the end came I still care. God doesn’t abandon his Children. God never stops loving, and thus nor will I. Love in the deepest meaning of the word doesn’t die. Love always remains, and one-day love will concur all. Love isn’t weak; it’s the strongest thing in the universe. God will always provide, and even when we walk away from the path God will go off road with us. He may not approve of our choices, but he will always want us to come back. Faith in the truth, faith in the light, and the rest comes when you get your hands dirty with hard work. We may not think we’re strong enough, but when our strength runs low, we lift our eyes, and hands to the Lord and ask for help. We have faith that our needs will be provided for and in our hour of need, God will always provide. He provides every minute of every day, even if we don’t see the working of the little stuff. We don’t have to be strong enough, we just have to have faith. We can be broken, we can be lost, we can be afraid, but in God all things will be made right, and we can do all things because in Christ we are given strength, courage, love. Don’t loose sight of what’s important, and more importantly who. We only get a few people in our life that stay and make big impacts, don’t forget their face, don’t forget their name. Love can overcome anything. God’s love for us and the blood of our Savior shed for us was done in love freeing us from our eternal death, so if we could just love more like God, wouldn’t we be able to be happier too? Perhaps this Christmas you can start to love a little deeper.

Wants of Life

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Wants of life

Sometimes in life we can want something so badly but we never get it. I have experienced that a lot this last year. The things I’ve wanted and I have prayed for have never come to be. While I greatly appreciate the things I do have, there area couple of things I don’t have I long for and wonder why I’ve yet to be given the things I desire most.

We often ask ourselves what we’ve done to deserve such horrible things in our life. While sometimes our bad miss fortune comes from our own selfish and arrogant choices, sometimes bad things happen to the innocent just because of other people’s selfishness. In those bad times we may wish we had it better, or often say if I only had this life wouldn’t be so hard anymore. While these statements are true and probably have been uttered by nearly every one of us at some point, it’s the struggles in our life that truly define who we are. How one person deals with adversity is far more important then how hey deal with life’s bliss.

When we look to the things we desire we can’t always see the writing on the wall, that sometimes that thing, that one thing we wanted may actually not be good for us at all. Sometimes we should be thankful for unanswered prayers. We must accept

that if the time comes we will get what we want, and if we don’t there’s probably a reason for it.

My deepest desire is for a family of my own. To find a woman to love and cherish who will do the same to me. Someone I can have kids with and experience what it is to be a parent. While I’ve been so close to

That and have watched it crumble and be ripped away, I believe even though I’m incredibly lonely this holiday season, some day, my princess will come. (Yes I know it sounds cheesy)

Truly I would love for someone to take up the mantle of my Black Canary. I would love for someone to come into my life that will accept me, and help me along my path. You know you’re on the right path when in two people you find one another’s best selves. When you push each other to be better, to grow, to support one another. Having faith in those relationships despite my own horrors in my past relationships, it’s something I still dream about and long for.

Have faith that God is still there and if you haven’t gotten what you want, that you’re being prepared for it, or something better. God Loves his children and wants his children to be happy. Plans for joy, not pain. We must remember to have faith, keep the fire and light bright in our spirits and remember that God is supreme. Recognize the blessings this holiday season, and remember the reason we celebrate. It’s not the presents, it’s not the food, it’s the baby that so many years ago that was born to one day die to break the chains of eternal sin. Merry Christmas to all. And thank God for unanswered prayers.

Working With Your Hands

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Working With Your Hands

I’ve found that I have enjoyed cooking. Only recently within the last year has cooking become a big part of my life. It’s amazing what you find you can do when you are faced with a situation of either eating decent food, or eating out all the time. When faced with a choice the obvious healthy answer is to cook your own food. Something I’ve noticed is a sense of satisfaction for a meal well cooked. There’s a sense of joy knowing that others enjoy what I made with my own two hands. A sense of accomplishment knowing that I’ve come far in the last year and now, I can hold my own in the kitchen. But how does this transfer to veterans and how does this transfer to therapy?

In the military there’s always a sense of accomplishment. When you complete a long ruck march, when you get promoted, when you pass a PT test, there are many ways to be proud of yourself in the military. The problem starts when you get out and your achievements are no longer visible or recognized. After I left the military the achievements for a job well done came less then few and far in between. After years working in the civilian world it became hard to feel accomplished when it didn’t seem like anyone cared. Being a soldier came with some personality behaviors that stand out in the job field, but makes it hard for veterans due to the nature of those differences. Veterans statistically work harder, get to work early, leave late, accomplish tasks with a better use of time, and does the boss notice? Nope, not usually, and in that lies the problem. So what’s the solution?

Veterans need to find things to do they can be proud of. Recently I had the privilege of going to Hawaii on a trip that put my hands to work, my body to the max, my mind focused, and I took home a new sense of pride I hadn’t felt about myself in many years past. I was working with a group, I was achieving on my own, and through all of it, I walked away knowing I could do more then I had given myself credit for. I met so many people with amazing abilities through different walks of life post military. One man was a pro disabled surfer. The other makes beautiful sculptures out of wood. One man helps the homeless in the cities he goes to. I write, and with that I know I reach lives. Colossians 3:23 “23 Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, 24 Diligent hands will rule, but laziness ends in forced labor.” When you work with your hands and when you create something from nothing you can find beauty in it, and you can find a sense of purpose. Weather it’s singing, painting, word working, photography, or anything else, perhaps it’s that working with your hands you as a veteran have missed.

If you don’t have something yet, go find something. Figure out suitable hobby, something you’re good at that when you’re done you can feel accomplished. The more you work with your hands, the more you put forth suitable effort and the more you achieve, the better about yourself you will feel. Work with your hands, get them a little dirty, and see how it feels to make something.