Tighten

Why am I still standing here? Being called out is something not for the weak. So many times in our lives are we afraid of change, afraid of the future, afraid we aren’t good enough, afraid we did something wrong to deserve the pain and suffering were going through. What kind of faith does it take to walk to the top of that mountain? What kind of faith does it take to run into danger? What kind of faith does it take to take that punch and stand back up? There will be obstacles that laugh at us, that try to hold us down, hold us back, but the truth is God is with us, God is for us, and it’s our choice to let God be in our corner. We have been given the greatest gift, Love. The first place to start is to love Jesus Christ. Then it’s to love ourselves, and then once we learn how to love ourselves we love our neighbors. Have the faith to move that mountain, have the faith to step out into the storm, have faith to fight that giant in front of you. Tighten up that armor, put that helmet on straight, and hold that shield tight. You can change the world with one testimony at a time. veni vidi vici

Impromptu Revelations

Impromptu Revelations

As I was reading another blog post I found myself searching inside myself for the question she asked in her blog. As I began to reply to her post, I found myself coming to a few realizations I hadn’t put into words. As my life has been one battle after another since my tragic day in September, I have found I am both stronger, and more stable then I ever have been. It’s strange how that one day has changed my life so much. I don’t know what would have happened if that day had never happened, but I know for sure that the storm clouds were still billowing off the horizon. The time for preparation had passed. The truth was coming whether I wanted to hear it or not. My life was never going to be the same. This particular course made a lifetime of tragedy become a reality. Countless years of running, of hiding from the pain would no longer stay buried. The truth could no longer be tucked away and pretend as if it didn’t exist. Yes that day hurt many, that day perhaps destroyed relationships that maybe, could have been saved in time. Regardless of the past, the present is here and the truth is now that Jesus’s love saved me. My path is always fluid, always changing, but my faith in God is resolute. My faith in God is no longer based on the good things in life, the blessings I had been given. Once upon a time I believed that my Ex Wife was my blessing, a gift given to me by God because of years of suffering and keeping my faith. When that relationship was leaving I begged God to tell me what I had done wrong. I begged God why I was being punished. The revelation came when I realized it wasn’t God doing these things. It was free will, it was human sin that would cause the biggest change in my life. Now today I am on a new path, a new road and though I don’t know where I’m going, I know that by the night’s sky and God’s Devine intervention, I will reach my place.

Ever since my recovery last September I have been listening to KLove every day. As time moved on I was drawn to a particular song. As time moved on another song would take its place, then another, then another. It seemed as if I was being told something by God Himself. The first song Eye of the Storm by Ryan Stevenson. This reminded me that as dark as the sky gets and we feel like tomorrows sun will never shine, God is the anchor and will keep up safe in any storm. No matter if our friends and family have sold us out or forsaken us, God will never do that. The Next song that came up was One Step Away by Casting Crowns. As I entered the phase of wanting to go back to take it away, remove it from history and as I realized I would never be able to do that, God’s love was always there. It never mattered how far I went, as long as I was still breathing, I could change my course. My Ghost could be left in the past. One step from surrender, one step from Arms wide open. After that came What if I Gave Everything also by Casting Crowns. I realized my whole life I’d been running from my calling. All my life I felt like I wasn’t living up to my own potential. Why was I still standing there, why was I holding back from God. I then realized in order for me to finally find my own happiness I was going to have to let go. I was going to have to uproot my feet from the deep mud, and in my faith, step out onto that ledge, move that mountain, and venture away from my own comfort zone and trust, finally with all my heart, with all my soul, trust. The final song in my journey was Voice of Truth again by Casting Crowns. I had been told so many lies my whole life. I was told I wasn’t attractive enough, not strong enough, not fast enough. I was told I wouldn’t survive basic training. I was told I would never amount to anything. I believed them. I fought through basic and proved them wrong. This was one victory out of many I would let the lies fuel. The Voice of Truth would eventually tell me I was good enough, I would be fast enough when I needed to be. The Voice of Truth would tell me someone out there will love me for me. I will be good enough for the right person. The Devil’s lies had gotten ahold of me, and only when the time was right, I would be able to fight back. When i finally understood, finally let go of my own fears and I choose to listen to that voice in my head, the voice in my heart, the voice in my soul. In one foul swoop the Devil grabbed a hold of me and I nearly lost my life. I nearly fell into the Web Satan sets for us, and I nearly lost my life to that wretched spider. Instead I found Gods love, I found Gods grace as I was saved from the brink of death. I believe in the Son, the Holy Spirit, I believe I overcome by the power of his blood I was saved. I’m alive because He Lives. (Because He Lives, By Matt Maher). It took my whole life to find my place under Gods wing, and now I look for my place in this world. I have accepted my roll as a warrior for Christ, now I must seek my physical place. I have faith that God will provide the path when the time is right. I believe God’s grace will not leave me now. I believe in the power of prayer, and the power of Godly counsel.

Way Down in The Valley

Way Down in The Valley

Way down in the valley I heard a mighty rawr, that rawr I hear is the lion, the lion of lions, the king of kings. I’ve been in the valley several times. I’ve been down where evil lays, the valley of death, the valley of darkness. We never know when we may slip into that valley, but when we do, finding our way out, who do we call?

When the darkness of death surrounds us, when we are at the height of despair who do we turn to? No matter how deep in the trenches you’re in, there’s always a path back to safety. When we’re in trouble we call 911. We rely on our emergency responders from the dispatchers that take the call to the paramedics and first responders, the law enforcement, and fire fighters that risk their safety to ensure our own. The emergency responders are rarely respected as they should be, and often go without the thanks they deserve. Our military run head long into danger and face the evils of this world, and do so, so our families can sleep safely at night. Psalm 23:4 “Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.”

We all know the Psalm, we have all heard it time and again. I’ve seen war, and I’ve seen death. I myself have faced the valley and traveled down its treacherous slopes many times. I’ve heard the sound of the trumpets of war as the end was near. The protection of the Angels wings would shield me and protect me in the midsts of danger. The fact that war is dangerous, the valley of death is not only dangerous by traditional means, there are many traps and pitfalls that await us. The part of Psalm 23’s  verse that is sadly not heard often of is Psalm 23:1-3 “The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.” It isn’t just about the Valley we fight in, it’s about the peace of mind that God is with us even in the midst of battle.

Revelations 21:4 “And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.” The followers of Christ will have sanctuary in Heaven. If you are not, the future doesn’t look so bright. Revelation 21:8 “But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.”

No matter the fear, or the sorrow we face, know that God is always with us. Our choices may be difficult, and we may not always know the direction to take, but it is in these moments we must seek Godly counsel and find our path. Every time I was close to death, or I found myself under attack, I knew that God was with me. I could feel God’s presence, and I knew that I had the protection of the Angels around me. In those moments of terror, it is then you know how far your faith will take you. It is then my belief would become unwavering. As I found myself feeling eerily calm, and the fear was near non-existent, the only thing I could think of was God protecting me. When danger is staring us in the face, stair back with conviction knowing that God is with you, always.

 

 

 

Clouds

Clouds

Clouds come in rolling like thunder, the crashing waves onto the beach. No matter how cloudy the sky gets know that eventually they will part, and the rays of sunshine will once again light up your day. It can take a lot of faith to weather a storm especially when it seems like it would never dissipate. Job 37:16 “Dost thou know the balancings of the clouds, the wondrous works of him which is perfect in knowledge?” Only God knows the balance of joy and suffering. The faith it takes to muster through, knowing that God is standing with us, and that in time, the seas will calm. We must not fear the storm instead we must embrace them. Storms give needed water to the world, the constant recycling of moisture that without it brings forth death.

Without the storms in our lives, without the trials, we never know our truest potential if we are never brought to the breaking point. It may not seem fair, or just, but the fact remains it is necessary in order for us to truly grow with God. It’s easy to Love and cherish God when the times in our lives are great and when we have no toils at all. Leaning on God when everything is taken away is our true acts of faith. The faithful will be blessed, and this is a promise that God won’t break.

Identity

Identity

I was told recently there are few Christian men. Convictions to stand up for Christ and accept the Salvation in Christ must be shared. As a man we must understand our place. Why is it that so many women complain about the lack of good guys? Are there really that few good guys out there, or is that a myth. 1 Timothy 5:8 “But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.” Who do you want to be?

I’ve spent a lot of time these last few months considering my own place in the world and my identity. The man I want to be is a good Godly man, faithful, a good significant other, some day a good father. Deuteronomy 31:6 “Be strong and of a good courage, fear not, nor be afraid of them: for the LORD thy God, he [it is] that doth go with thee; he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee.” It pains me that there are people out there that are cruel for selfish reasons. It pains me that because of other people’s selfish thought, selfish nature, good people faithful people have been hurt. Despite so much pain and suffering I’ve been through an awful lot, and I would like to think I’ve acted with distinction, and that my actions would honor God.

The true nature of Christianity is to be Christ like. 1 Corinthians 16:13-14 “Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong. Let all that you do be done in love.” It’s easy to fall pray to the expectations of the world. The world’s cruel and evil nature can easily rub off on someone. It’s hard to be a good man in a world so dark and corruptible as ours.

Sadly it seems that finding a good Godly woman has been equally has difficult. The mistakes I have made in my life remind me that a good person may not always stay that way. I’ve struggled with the idea that someone can change so much. Have they changed, or where they hiding who they really were this whole time? It’s hard to travel down that rabbit hole. The lies the Devil whispers into your ear can sound good and can get you to fall for bad decisions.

Your identity shouldn’t fall within your job, or who someone else says you are. People can say all kinds of mean and cruel things to you. As difficult as it may be to the contrary we shouldn’t allow other’s negative actions towards us influence how we see ourselves. I’ve spent my life trying to overcome this, and sadly, I’ve only had minimal success at best. 1 Corinthians 12:27 “Now you are the body of Christ and individually members of it.” Because we are members of Christ’s family which is defined Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” We cannot loose our hope because of the Devil, the Devil’s work that is perpetrated by the evil of mankind.

Try not to let the world define you. Try not to let other people’s anger or hatred tell you who you are. Be the person you want to be. Follow the light of the Lord and you will find your place in this world. Only through Jesus will you find your place. Have faith, and trust in the Lord.

Fountain of Salvation

Fountain of salvation
John 4:14 “But whosoever drinketh of the water that I shall give him shall never thirst; but the water that I shall give him shall be in him a well of water springing up into everlasting life.”
No matter who you are you feel thirsty at some time. The human body cannot live without water. I heard someone say recently you can go at most 3 days without water, but can die in just a moment without hope. How sad this is, and more so, how true it is. This is of course speaking of suicide. What does it mean to loose all hope. Some may ask how anyone can take their own life. How does someone get to that point, and overrides their own fight or flight response. When hope is lost where can we turn to regain our sense of purpose, our sense of belonging? While this may seem overly simplistic, I’d say the easiest answer is God. 

John 7:37 “On the last day of the feast, the great day, Jesus stood up and cried out, “If anyone thirsts, let him come to me and drink.” Of course Jesus is talking metaphorically he doesn’t literally mean come to him and he has water on his hip. What he’s saying is the water is like the Holy Spirit. When we feel hopeless, down trodden and broken, we can turn to the Lord and lay down our burdens and let Christ lift us above. You’re problems may not vanish like a magic trick, but prayer is powerful. God can make your situation easier to bare, He can make it go away, but ask yourself instead of why me, what can I learn from him? What can I take away from these trials? 

No matter where you find yourself, praising the Lord and turning to Christ in everything you come to, your every day walk should be with Christ. You don’t just drink when you are thirsty, you drink to prevent from getting thirsty. Drink from the Holy Fountain of salvation and allow the Holy Spirit to quench that thirst and wash away your worries and concerns. Let the water that brings eternal life into your body and into your soul. The cost for not drinking of the fountain Jesus offered is drying up like a shriveled prune and turning to dust. 
When I was in the Army we were often told to force hydrate. We had to down an entire canteen of water in about a minute. Christ will never force you to drink, but you should seriously consider the ramifications if you don’t. Eternal salvation is an option, and one you have to choose freely. The only way to salvation is through Christ. John 14:6 “Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me”

The next time you go to a drinking fountain consider the water you’re drinking and think about the Holy Spirit and if you’ve been washed by it. 

Phone tree gossip 

Phone tree gossip 
Did you hear about the family that had that really bad thing happen? I heard it was the dads fault. Or was it the mom? Either way, poor kids, I heard they haven’t eaten in days. And their dogs. 
How quickly a gossip story can grow. How quickly it can change from something to small to a story that could forever tarnish someone’s reputation. Gossip not only spreads stories of people’s private lives but it often does so in the worst ways. Gossip is damaging, hurtful, and just rude. It’s this writers opinion if you have time to talk about someone’s private life, you have to try to and make a positive difference in their life. 

No one wants their private life, their pain and suffering to be splattered all over the town. Why do we as people need to be in the know? What is it about gossip that gets so many people fired up? If you want to spread the word about something spread the Gospel instead. Ephesians 4:29 – “Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.” I personally love Proverbs 21:23 – “Whoso keepeth his mouth and his tongue keepeth his soul from troubles.” I take that as if you don’t talk crap you are less likely to find yourself in the mists of drama. Some people thrive on drama and the suffering of others because it’s a story, it’s more fun, but I say to you, drama means someone is hurting and that’s not bringing glory to God. Proverbs 11:13 – “A talebearer revealeth secrets: but he that is of a faithful spirit concealeth the matter”.. 

Be kind to one another. Don’t spread secrets, don’t spreads stories you have no part in. Loose lips sink ships. 

The Empty Cup

The Empty Cup

The world is full of people. Wasn’t sure if you knew that yet, so now that the obvious is out of the way let’s continue. Generally the world is made up of people who are optimistic, pessimistic, or somewhere in between. So for the sake of today’s entry, the people in between likely won’t be touched on much.

Optimistic: hopeful and confident about the future.

Pessimistic: tending to see the worst aspect of things or believe that the worst will happen.

Realist: a person who accepts a situation as it is and is prepared to deal with it accordingly.

Idealist: a person who is guided more by ideals than by practical considerations.

So, now we have that out of the way, where are you? I myself would fall more into the optimistic realist. I’m usually the one planning for a disaster just in case (living in NC you have hurricanes) and because of that I did well for the little time I worked on emergency management policies. I’ve always wanted to try and give people the benefit of the doubt, even to the extent of giving people more chances then they probably deserve and forgiving the horrible things people do quickly and putting it behind me. Sadly I often find myself in a conundrum of allowing someone to overstay their welcome in my life. Generally I get hurt more often by continuing that policy.

If you were the cup where do you stand? If you’ve answered that question let me ask another. In regards to the same cup using it as a source of measurement, where do you place yourself in regards to how much you can take before you bite someone’s head off? I heard it explained this way (if you’re a veteran and you’ve gone through some life events you might be more susceptible to having your cup be half full all the time verses someone else who has had less to deal with in life.)

It is my opinion we should all try to be the empty cup. Allow the Holy Spirit to fill your cup. Being hopeful for a Gods grace gives us the ability to be an optimist. Being a realist gives us the standing of bracing for trouble because you know it’s coming. No matter what happens in your life scripture tells us to rejoice in our suffering. Do not be troubled by worries of tomorrow. Have faith in Gods plan for you. Be slow to anger and slow to speak, swift to listen. When you truly read and study scripture it seems God wants us to be the optimistic realist. We must understand the nature of our trials. We must understand the reason we go through hardships and loss. We must understand the virtue of failure, and the glory that awaits us in success.

Without failure how do you ever grow and learn? Without loss how do you ever appreciate what you have? Our experience both good and bad shape who we are. If you take a set of twins, identical, and put them in several situations, then separate them and place them in the exact same situations, they will react differently. Each perspective over time teaches us different ways to handle situations. The problem we often face is when handling our problems are we doing it in a way that would be pleasing no to God? For most the answer is probably a resounding no. It’s amazing how different we would handle life if we were to just take a moment, pray about it, ask God for guidance, and question if our actions would be pleasing to God. A simple question and most people, myself included, fail to do this more often than not.

What a simple solution to a lot of problems, prayer and counsel. If we learned how to do that, our fuses would be longer, we wouldn’t start with so much in our cup, and the world would be an overall better place. I know many of my past burdens stay with me. As I’ve tried to let go, that burden takes up space in my cup. I don’t start with more room then a lot of people. It’s not something that would happen over night. The path to a solid faith takes time. If we put even a half of the time towards God that we do with other worldly objectives, we as a people would be much better off. Sadly there are idols that stand in our way. Things that have our attention, our lust, often they take our priority.

We don’t want to be angry all the time. We don’t want to be negative all the time. Those mind sets often put people off and you create a natural barrier. We need to remember the teachings in Christ, and follow that example. We must find the good in every situation, find the reasonable course of action and we must pray, and be calm. Don’t let your cup start with water in it. Don’t let your cup always be half empty. Learn to focus your energies and when people start to see the positivity, the slow to wrath within you, only then will people begin to ask “What keeps you so calm?” That’s when you can always reply… “Jesus”

The Wounded Warrior

The Wounded Warrior

The scars inside so deep they hide,

The pain holds on, we keep marching on,

A nightmare, we cannot share,

No one knows, no one understands, the worlds out there so full of foes,

The endless noise found deep within, perhaps it’s time to pay for the sin,

Are we wrong, they keep playing my song,

 

The call goes out, the scouts give a shout,

The call to ride, to be by my side,

The belonging of family, I never saw it within me,

The all gather round, no dry eye to be found.

We love you they say, for this I could never repay,

They sacrificed much, what a loving touch.

 

The pain inside, I cannot hide,

The pain lets go, it must be so,

The nightmare remains, but it breaks the chains

They all know and they all understand, the ejection of ones cargo.

The loudest noise found deep within, praising songs with cheer and a grin

We were wrong, it’s time to change the song.

 

To all Veterans who suffer from pain and suffering mind body and soul, know that you are never alone. There are always people out there who want to help, who are willing to help. Reach out and never feel you have to fight alone. We may have taken a country, but it wasn’t alone. Our pain is shared pain, and never forget we are warriors together. We are all warriors in Christ so never forget to pray and pray for others.

 

Freedom

Freedom

Today a weight lifted from my shoulders. The world lifted such a heavy burden today. Months of prayer have finally paid off. I don’t know why it took so long to have this wrap up, to finally be free of my chains, but today was the day.

Anyway we are chained down, we all have trials, and we all have burdens. What is your trouble? What is your own prison that holds your mind, your body behind? No matter what that looks like know that there is always a key to every lock, there’s always a parachute for every jump.

The length of time it takes to overcome a trial, or even the steepness of that mountain to cross doesn’t matter. What’s important is that you can take the step forward, one step after another and continue to push forward till the mission is completed. As a veteran I know the price of freedom is high, but I know that in the pursuit and conquest of peace is one of a driving force intent on success. Some days of course are going to be harder then others. Some days will feel as dark as can be as depressing and bleak then you’ve ever felt.

Carrying a burden and lifting others up is important. Fighting for freedom is a road that will ever be traveled alone. Galatians 5:1 “Stand fast therefore in the liberty wherewith Christ hath made us free, and be not entangled again with the yoke of bondage.” Some say freedom is free, but I tend to disagree. I say freedom is won, by the barrel of a gun. The cost of that freedom is high. Men and women die in the pursuit of that freedom. Freedom to be able to face your accuser in a court of law, to being able to vote as young black women. No matter what you are free from, persecution, bondage, finances, and hurtful relationships, anything that essentially holds you prisoner.

Know that prayer is powerful and beyond a doubt a strong weapon in the fight for freedom. John 8:32 “And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.” I find myself free at last. The last two months have felt crushing and I have never stopped my prayers. Philippians 4:13 “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.” No matter the hurt, the pain, the beauty that is to come is there for the taking. Freedom is allowing your voice to be heard.

8 months ago I found a family I never knew I had. Ever since the group walked in my hospital room and I cried, I knew that I would survive and thrive. Your fight for freedom isn’t one you have to have to take alone. Be free of the pain, be free of the worry, and you can find yourself scaling the mountainous dilemma in front of you.