The Journeyman 

I don’t know exactly where I am, or where I am going. As I have been reflecting on my life, I find myself stumbling. The road has been long, and now that the high of graduating is wearing off, the holidays are here, and I guess you could say I have the holiday blues. Do we trust ourselves? Do we trust how we feel? Is what we feel the truth, or is it a momentary stumbling block? 

I think Christianity is a journey and on that journey someone discovers many truths. I’m not referring to the truth of Christ being the one and only way to the Father, but rather the truths that stream from the ebb and flow of who we are. Our selves are determined by the cells and genes that make up the physical aspects, but the environment shapes our minds. On this journey I have fallen down, and as of late, the depressive struggle has been very real for me. The days have come and gone since the many years ago I started down this road. In all reality I have looked to the world for answers, I have looked to scripture for answers, and still I find myself seeking something, and I don’t recognize myself in the mirror. There’s something to be said for not knowing who you are. When you don’t know who you are that means you can be molded. So many years ago I looked into the mirror and I didn’t know who I was. Many years ago I wrote a paper and I recalled writing this “You’re not worth anything. Why do you even get up in the morning?” (Fateful Night). I truly believed I wasn’t worth anything, and in all this time I have wondered who am I? I am the clay and Jesus is the potter. If Jesus is that interested in me, then I must be someone. Jesus has the whole universe at his disposal and billions of people, trillions of lifeforms, and out of all of that, Jesus loves and is still working on me. Head knowledge and heart knowledge don’t always talk to one another in the most reasonable of ways. 

There’s so much in life that is complicated, and yet, simple at the same time. I’ve been looking for my place in the world since my wife left me three years ago. I’ve been trying to figure out what it was God was calling me to do. Over the years I’ve had my ups and downs, but I know that God is working with me. Is my place to help others? IS my place to preach the good word to others? Is my place to help others find their path? Is my place being a photographer, a writer, both? Is my place counseling other people? 

If you’ve wondered where your place is in this world, have no fear, Jesus is near. 

Proverbs 3:5-6 NKJV “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; 6 In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall [a]direct your paths.” 

While I have no idea where God is leading me I know that the Lord will direct my path. Sometimes the path is long, because it takes time to make our courage strong. (hard love) 

Psalm 37:23-24 “The steps of a good man are [a]ordered by the Lord,

And He delights in his way. 24 Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down;

For the Lord upholds him with His hand.” 

Just because we don’t know the destination doesn’t mean we need to know right now. Just because we might seem lost, doesn’t mean we have anything to fear. We should not fear the destination, or the journey. Scripture teaches us that we are not given a spirit of fear, but one of hope and courage. 

Isaiah 41:10 NKJV “Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.” 

2 Timothy 1:7 (NKJV) 7 “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” 

In this journey we will face trials, we face hardships, and sometimes we face a measure of uncertainty, but in every day, we know that we have a place to send our fearful thoughts. 

Psalm 56:3 (NKJV) 3 “Whenever I am afraid, I will trust in You.” 

Who am I? I’m a child of the King, I am wonderfully made and I know that in my times of fear, I know where I can put it. It’s okay to not know where we are headed, but we should not be afraid of the journey. This is a long journey, one with many ups and downs, and even when the storms come, shelter under the wings of the Angels. 

Who am I supposed to be, and what am I supposed to do? I think perhaps I am a hiker, and instead of worrying about the destination, I spend some time to take a look around where I’m at and enjoy the scenery right here where I am. What about you? Where are you, where are you going, and who do you want to be? Enjoy the adventure of life, and try not to stress over the things we can’t control, which is just about everything. Control what you can, let go of the rest, and enjoy the ride.