The Storms Of Yesterday

The longest days are the most trying for us all. The dark cloud that covers the sky and tears fall to the ground. So long ago the silence was rocked and the world would never be the same. How many nights of nightmares would live on echoing into the night? How many times do we wish for the light, but in truth, if there wasn’t darkness, we’d never truly know the light. We know your will Lord is pure, and perfect. We know that the sins of long ago still ripple through time today. How the lost stick with us even today as the minutes seemed like hours so many years ago. I remember the numb, the wondering lost in my own mind. I struggled then to see the way, to know the path to walk. I knew you and yet I couldn’t face the truth. After it happened I walked like a robot not feeling, just simply existing. Feeling the lost and wondering why, and I was broken beyond what I thought could ever be pieced back together. 

On that day, 14 years ago I watched in horror as the depravity of man would be self-evident. I watched as hate won out over love, and a sibling rivalry would touch my life in a forever way. I ask God now to give me faith like Daniel. I ask for hope like Moses. I ask you Lord to give me confidence to rise above my anger, to lift my sorrow to joy, and give me a tomorrow to make a difference. 

Not a day goes by that I don’t think about it, that the smells, sights, and the feeling runs through my mind. I can see the destruction in my mind when I close my eyes. I can see the horror in my dreams. I realize I cannot run from it, and like destiny it will find you, because it’s inevitable. I cannot run from my feelings, instead I must learn to embrace them and understand them. I must control the memory, and not allow it to control me. Living with shame and guilt is not what you have planned for me. I often question why you gave me the gift of sight that day, and I wonder if I was supposed to do more, but the explosion happened regardless, and I know I can’t change it now. My faith today is weak, and my strength is low. I know you my Lord will lift me up and you will cover me in the feathers of the angels. 

Father, my father, I know that in the darkness you are with me, and I will stand tall as long as I know you will always stand by me. When Saber fell it rocked my world. How you would take the broken me and turn it into something useful. My broken heart bleeds today. Today Lord so many remember the fallen, and as they seek understanding please place your healing hand over their hearts. Please ease their suffering. Please look after them and give them comfort. The tears of the past are wiped away and I ask your mercy be upon us today. We remember them and rejoice in their lives. We remember how amazing they were, and how they glorify Heaven now. I ask forgiveness for my weakness, and my failures on that day. 

Today I raise a glass to my friends, they are gone, but ever forgotten. Today I remember their lives, and their sacrifice. Today a moment to remember, and to raise my voice to the Heavens and praise Jesus for the family we have because of the lost. We are close and we love one another and out of the ashes of the lost a family is born. So today, I know that today, all my hope is in Jesus. I thank God that yesterday’s gone. I look to tomorrow as yesterday fades away. The storm of emotions fills me today, but you will wipe the tears away, and you will command the storm to leave me. 

Thank you Father for my brothers and the time I knew them. Thank you for the sorrow and showing me how to live through the pain. You give me so much and I praise you in my pain, and trust you know my way. I know you hold my tears, and I know you are with me always.