When Pride Kills

How do we treat those in our relationships? Do we take constructive criticism well? How about when we’ve actually done something wrong, do we attack those who are just trying to talk about a problem? When we are so prideful we are unable to hear or acknowledge that we might be doing something wrong or hurtful to someone we care about is not just a problem in relationships, but work, and other relationships we may encounter. Pride can be the downfall in many relationships, and effects virtually every aspect of our life. Pride can be a beautiful thing, and in the right amount it can give a sense of accomplishment when we achieve something wonderful. James 4:10 “Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.” In everything we achieve it’s not us, but through and by the grace of God. We are nothing without the Lord. Nothing happens without the Lord allowing it to happen.

1 John 2:16 – For all that [is] in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world. “The heart of pride is focused on “self.” Prideful people believe they deserve better than what life has brought them. They become sorrowful, resentful, and even jealous of other people and their successes. Pride breeds self pity, which is a major component in depression. Typically, people who struggle with pride will live life based on how they feel and expect everyone else to accommodate them and adapt to their moods.” The Bible is full of examples of how men have fallen to their own selfish pride. “But when [Nebuchadnezzar’s] heart became arrogant and hardened with pride, he was deposed from his royal throne and stripped of his glory. He was driven away from people and given the mind of an animal; he lived with the wild donkeys and ate grass like cattle; and his body was drenched with the dew of heaven, until he acknowledged that the Most High God is sovereign over the kingdoms of men and sets over them anyone he wishes.” Daniel 5:20-21 (NIV) Pride is at the heart, a heart problem. Something most likely happened to wound you early in life, and now you feel life owes you one. You’re over compensating for your feelings of inadequacy. You lash out at those around you who try to help you, if it doesn’t conform to what you want to hear. When people point out things you may have done to hurt them, with actual events, you will blame everything else instead of just owning up to it and trying to make it right. Pride’s very existence when being used to guard ones self is the shield to prevent helpful, and respectful conversation from happening in a relationship. Pride, vanity, selfishness, are all very real, and when looked at in depth, the result of something usually happening during the ages of 8-16 years old. While pride can destroy new relationships or old relationships, it can be combated.

The first step of releasing your pride is first realize that you are truly nothing without God. We must humble ourselves to the Lord. We must learn to be slow to speak and swift to listen. We must learn that love is about hearing the truth sometimes and accepting that it’s coming from a place in the heart, not to tear down, but to try and lift up. Truth, and I mean truth, not opinion, but the cold hard facts, are there and when they support a conclusion, should be considered with open ears, and a slow tongue. In our lives we can make or break relationships by one tiny little thing that can do so much damage in an instant, the human tongue. People say things in the heat of anger, in the moment of pride fullness, and it can do more harm then most can fathom. We all find ourselves on the defensive when a loved one says something about our personality. The truth is, we have become a very sensitive people. We no longer wish to better ourselves, we believe that we are perfect just the way we are. We don’t want to hear the truth anymore, and we’re willing to live in a world where it’s all about us, and we put little thought into how our actions affect others. We have lost the compassion in our hearts. People are living in a world where it’s better to walk away from a friendship then to admit you may have been wrong.

It truly is a sad time we live in when friendships mean so little that people are willing to walk away instead of having a conversation. People will walk away from friendships, relationships, and marriages, all because of pride. When we can’t admit we may be the problem, we can’t admit our faults, we can’t face our own mistakes, we tend to run away because it’s easier then having to deal with the wrongs, or even the pain we’ve caused. We need to let go of our self and find God in our hearts. God can heal the wounded, repair the damage done to the heart, and allow forgiveness, and joy to return. Don’t let pride destroy your home, or your friendships. Don’t let your own inability to admit your faults, your shortcomings, stop you from having heartfelt conversations meant to build, not to tear down. Grown in the military was to tear down to rebuild. You must allow your defenses to be lowered and then you can start working on facing the issues at hand. There’s nothing wrong with showing a little pride in moderation. There’s nothing wrong with a little competition and being proud of winning. There’s nothing wrong with showing pride in your kids, or spouse for something they accomplished. Don’t let your pride get to your head. Stay grounded and stay humble on God’s word. The Lord Giveth, and the Lord can Taketh away. Remember people are not usually out to get you. Just because they make something you’ve done a point of conversation doesn’t mean they hate you and doesn’t mean they are attacking you. I generally want to believe the best in people, and when they care about you, they are just trying to make a bad situation better. I don’t think people always intend to hurt others, and in a relationship communication must be free from worry and concern to be healthy. Don’t give up on each other, and don’t loose hope, the Holy Spirit is forever with you.

Pride can both be horrible and left to grow it can grow out of control. Pride can destroy relationships if one cannot move beyond their own ways. Pride can be a great strength and a great weakness. There is a healthy balance, and we must learn to find that balance. We do not want to allow pride to tear apart families, or damage work relationships, and most importantly we don’t want pride to damage our relationship with God. Let go of self, and look to what you say, and how you say it to the people in your life. Be humble and remember that God allows all things and is sovereign. It’s okay to feel pride, just make sure it stays in check. Pride of winning a game, or accomplishing something wonderful, either is okay, but keep it in check. Remember God gives, and takes away. Don’t let pride be what tears you down or stops you from reaching the top.

 

(n.d.). Retrieved March 27, 2018, from http://biblicalcounselingcoalition.org/2014/03/05/the-prideful-heart/