The Thorn

We all have something I hope that keeps us grounded to not boast of ourselves being conceited. I hope we all have something that keeps us in our place and reminds us that we are nothing without Christ. For me, I do not know what my thorn in, but I know what I loose, and every time I think I’ve begun to gain, I loose again, and again, and again, friendships. I have struggled with my loneliness, and my self worth that has been reliant on the approval and acceptance of others. The problem I had faced was not realizing when I had actually been accepted. I set my standards so high, even I’m not sure anyone was able to reach them. I think growing up I put so much weight on the friendships I saw on TV. I think back to the show ‘Boy Meets World’, where I put so much on the friendship between Cory and Shawn. Two peas in a pod, and yet I don’t know if I ever felt that kind of friendship with anyone. Now, looking back, I consider the relationship between Cory and Tapanga, and though I’ve been married twice, I don’t know if either wife has ever felt for me the same as I did them. I don’t believe, now I’m looking back, that anyone has felt for me the devotion perhaps they should have in order to get married. The thorn in my side is my faith in people and being let down over and over by the failures of those people in my life. It isn’t about the small mistakes people make, it’s how easily people walk away like the relationship, or me in particular didn’t mean anything to them. This of all things has been my biggest struggle, my biggest reminder of where I am. 2 Corinthians 12:7-9 “⁷ So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations,^[a] a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. ⁸ Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. ⁹ But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”

 I’ve been held in the grasp of fear, and loss, and rejection for far too long. I have given time, effort, and energy on people who have shown little respect for me. I have considered my life and experience to teach me how important close bonds are. I have had so many near death experiences I have figured out I view life and friendships and even more important, relationships as being so important in our life. I have always viewed that first thing in your life is God, and then second is those around you. With good friends and a good significant other you can actually achieve almost anything. It’s not about the quantity but the quality of the people you keep in your circle. For me, I have spent a lifetime trying to feel like I belong someplace. I have spent a lifetime feeling like an outsider, like I never fit in. To be honest I felt like young Hercules in the Disney film. The song ‘Go The Distance’ has been my theme song for many, many years. It’s kept me grounded to this world, and has kept me in perpetual agony all these years. Why couldn’t I find my place in this world? Why would everyone up and abandon me when the road got a little bumpy? I found the silence in my life to be defining, loud in my ears. The silence allowed my thoughts to be heard at a mile a minute. I couldn’t find how to silence them. The quiet turned my thoughts into a barrage of noise I couldn’t block out. The silence was a constant attack that would force me to listen to something, anything, just to drown out my own thoughts. The truth is though, it’s up for me to slow down, to focus, and pick and choose what I allow in. While I can’t say for sure if we can control our thoughts, we can control how we let them affect us.

Romans 12:2 “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.” The whispers in our ear might be one of two things, the Devil’s lies and temptations, or the Holy Spirit guiding you. We often let our imagination run wild, and allow the worst thoughts to flood our minds. Those thoughts bring horrible feelings and anxiety, and with that it can bring depression, self-doubt, and a spiral downward we may not be able to stop. It’s in those moments I would implore you to focus on the moment. Proverbs 4:25 “Let your eyes look directly ahead And let your gaze be fixed straight in front of you.” Do not be fooled by the thoughts of tomorrow for you cannot control life moment to moment, only your own actions. We have two ways we can set our intentional focus. We can set them in the words of Mark 7:21 “For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed the evil thoughts, fornications, thefts, murders, adulteries,” Or we can focus on the words found in, Philippians 4:8 “Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.” Each is a choice of constant effort in perspective. Do not allow the thorn to be stuck in your side as a negative thing. Instead remember it keeps you grounded and humble in front of the Lord. Praise God for all things, the good and the bad. Praise God for the successes we have, and also the failures, which bring us to our knees. Do not be made a victim of the lies of this world, instead be a light that shines above the darkness. Use that thorn to push you, to drive you to be better, not to succumb to its effects. I am moving in a positive direction with my own struggles, and I know with time, energy, and lots of prayer, you can too. Never give up hope, and never stop trying to focus on the positive lessons we can learn.