Fertilizing the Greener Grass

What I’ve found is those who cheat, who have affairs, usually think the grass is greener wind up stepping in the fertilizer when playing in someone else’s back yard. The mental mindset that causes people to cheat or have affairs is broad and wide. There are many reasons for it, but the focus for today’s blog post is the aftermath, the destruction left behind.

I’ve been the victim of two vicious affairs. Two incidences where I have bowed out in peace although I attempted to fix the marriage both time, I wasn’t vindictive, or hurtful, not intentionally anyway. There’s a measure of physiology that tells us someone who’s done something horrible, will turn themselves into a victim, they will see you as their enemy, because they are projecting such strong emotions towards you to defect from themselves what they actually feel. Pain, guilt and shame are strong, powerful motivators, and often lead to the dark side. When they reach the other side of the fence, they realize the grass is so pretty and lushes, but there’s a secret, if you’re not very careful you’ll wind up with the secret on the bottom of your shoe. That’s right, I’m talking about the droppings in the hard that makes the yard so green. The other side isn’t truly greener, it’s greener because it’s littered with lies, and deceits, that you will get caught up in, and by the time you’re over there, it’s too late, and you can’t, or won’t go back to where you came from. We often hear that the grass is greener on the other side, but honestly it’s greener where you water it. The new feeling, that what’s full of joy, and shiny, and smells new, and we rave about it, will grow old, it will one day become vintage. The thing is just because it’s old doesn’t mean it’s broken.

A friend of mine has an old 1967 Chevy Camaro and it’s a beautiful car. In the right hands it’s been restored, improved upon, and made to look competition worthy. How great it is to own something so old, so out dated, and yet, restore it to it’s once former glory, and get so much enjoyment out of something so vintage. Where are we in relationships? When a relationship seems to stall do we throw it away because it’s not fun anymore? Sadly the answer is yes, most people do. Most people will forsake everything, to include their oaths in front of God even, to have the new and shiny. Most people will leave their spouses and their lives behind, forsake everything they once held dear in this life, and will chase after that shiny new toy. Sadly that new toy doesn’t stay new for long, and often it’s not as advertised.

Making sure we put our effort into our relationships, our marriages, our families, and even our jobs, we should make sure no matter where we are, or what we’re doing we maintain our environment. We have a great deal of responsibility with our lives, and how we treat those around us. No matter if it’s a coworker, wife, husband, children, or even our friends, we should always lift up, guide them in the ways of the Lord, and we should always make sure that our hearts are in the right place. We should always love those round us, even when it’s difficult. Life isn’t easy and because it’s not, we always need to know to take a bended knee and pray to the Father, our one and only hope for happiness, we must have the faith to let go of our pain, our past and push forward in our futures.

The grass is a conundrum. As obvious as it is for us to focus on what we have in our own yard, we must learn to stop watering the grass in a yard we don’t own anymore. Let me give an example. For a year now I’ve been separated. I have struggled letting go of that marriage, and as I’ve spent a lot of time focused on away to fix it, now after a year it feels as if I was trying to fix a yard that I don’t own anymore. We live in the past a lot. I have noticed that we often live on a fixed loop in our lives, and we get stuck on a particular event, usually one that’s tragic or hard to handle. The yard wasn’t mine to take care of anymore, and instead of focusing on my own yard, the new one, I let my own grass wither, and all that time I could have spent healing, moving forward with my own life, has been wasted. It’s hard not to focus on what we want even if what we want isn’t good for us. I’m not saying abandon the house at the first sign of trouble, but if it’s worth saving, it’s worth working on it. Don’t give up hope for where your heart is, but only if your heart is in a place where God wants you to be. Don’t give up hope, and never loose sight of the bigger picture. Always put God first, and He will tell you where you need to be focused. Don’t stay stuck in the past, and stay out of other people’s yards. Never forget to love your spouse, love your neighbor as yourself, and above all else, love your God with all your heart.