Insomnia

I lay away at night, so much on my mind, the days, the weeks the months. Bitter sweet for the end, the signature and ink on the line, and that’s it, all that time just vanishes. Was I a failure? I ponder the days that draw near, the move, and even maybe someone. It’s 0100 and I’ve been up for an hour. I slept for an hour and awoke for no apparent reason.

It’s not often I can’t sleep at night. They say when you can’t sleep write down what’s on your mind and get it out. While for me it’s very clear what it is, I have to keep in mind that this is a season of change for me. While there’s plenty in my life that’s a mile beyond complicated I am trying to stay focused on the things I can change, and let go of the things I can’t.

The serenity prayer has been influential tonight, but sleep still eludes me. What do some of you do when you can’t sleep? Do you try the warm milk, count sheep, get out of bed and pace around? Do you turn on the TV, or read, or write in a journal? I’m generally curious.

Philippians 4:6-7 “Never worry about anything. But in every situation let God know what you need in prayers and requests while giving thanks.  Then God’s peace, which goes beyond anything we can imagine, will guard your thoughts and emotions through Christ Jesus.”

1 Peter 5:7 “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”

Proverbs 3:24 “When thou liest down, thou shalt not be afraid: yea, thou shalt lie down, and thy sleep shall be sweet.”

Psalms 4:8 “I will both lay me down in peace, and sleep: for thou, Lord, only makest me dwell in safety.”

 A prayer for sleep: My God my God, I lay awake and worry has my mind. I ask for clarity and peace of mind to allow me to sleep tonight. I am thankful for the many blessings I have. I’m thankful for the new path in front of me, and I’m thankful for the special person you’ve put into my life. Even though I may be restless tonight, I am grateful for all I have. As tomorrow is the closing of an era, I pray strength to continue to move forward. While I will have more bad days to come, I know that peace can be found in knowing you’re still in control. For those who are broken and can’t find the strength to get up off the floor, I pray your peace finds them and me. The days come and go, and I know that though my road is long, the dawn will come and everything will be all right. We are more the choices that we make; we are more then the sum of our past mistakes. Through Christ we are forgiven and even when we don’t deserve that forgiveness, that grace, we are loved beyond anything we can ever understand. Don’t let worry and doubt, and regret keep you up at night. Breathe and let go. Now go get some sleep!